Zombie

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1222
Reviews 15
This is the first time I have wrote since January.
This is just something I jotted down because I'm bored at work.
Reviews would be nice, not quite sure how I feel about the end, I think alot more death imagery and rotting is needed to pull the Zombie part off, nonetheless, I piublished it anyway :)


Life!
This Big, fat weight pressing upon my chest,
the heaviest ball of dust,
collected over many long years.
The lightest of things combined to bear the heaviest burden
crushing, breaking ribs until it steamrolls through my rotten heart
ploughs into it deep, invading the deepest graves
overturning the secrets of the darkest tombs
stealing my character
snatching my dignity
I am but a shell, an empty vortex whirling around the earth
struggling through life, struggling to make it right
I am merely a Zombie.
"I always hated when my scars started to fade, because as long as I could still see them, I knew why I was hurting."
— Jodi Picoult

my outlook on life: Sorry if this doesn't make sense to you, because it does to me :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 2
Nice poem. However, I think you could put in a little bit more details. The poem looks a bit vague. And as you said, bit more imagery. Besides that, good work.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1651
Reviews 66
This is a great piece! The structure is spot on and the length was perfect. You had soem great spots in your piece ...

The lightest of things combined to bear the heaviest burden
crushing, breaking ribs until it steamrolls through my rotten heart
ploughs into it deep, invading the deepest graves
overturning the secrets of the darkest tombs
stealing my character

This section of your poem is fantastic! You have some great ideas within this poem as well! So i advise you expand those ideas, and create them into beautiful pieces! Keep writing!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 903
Reviews 6
Great work, sort of vague but still good, you should get bored at work more often :) lol, i too feel like a zombie at times but that's usually before i have my daily dose of caffeine.



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus