sorry guys. im still workin on his piece. come back later and it should be up. sorry
Last edited by scifyfantacywriter01 on Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:20 pm, edited 9 times in total.
When people think of beauty, they think of bright colors, purity, or goodness. When I think of beauty, I think of the darkness. Beauty has a dark side, and I like it. Light is pretty but darkness is passionate, sinister, and sexy as hell.
I like it. A lot, I'm big into these types of fantasy and you've done a fabulous job with this chapter. I just have one thing, at the beginning, you type "u" instead of "you". Try to avoid using text language when writing a story. It makes it look less professional. Other than that, it was a great first chapter. I hope you're able to put the next on up soon, and when you do I hope that I get to read it.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek
"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
HI! Well, I’m excited that this is about werewolfes. I can’t get enough of their folklore. I’m intrigued by the idea of taking red riding hood and doing it from the wolf’s point of view. I don’t think I’ve read anything along those lines before (and trust me I’ve read a lot of books about wolves and werewolves.)
This is a really good base. Think my only big piece of advice would be to flesh it out. By that I mean just add more detail. It doesn’t have to be a lot of detail as long as it is the right details. I recommend describing more of the setting. What did the alley way smell like? What time was it? was it dark, dusk, early evening? As well if it’s told in first person adding more insight into his perceptions will really add to the story. Give us more of what he’s thinking, feeling, experiencing. Damon has just met a werewolf and is being chased, then attacked by one. This has to be extremely traumatic and frightening especially if Damon as young at this point. The more we know about what is going on inside of Damon as well as what’s going on around him. It will make it easier for the reader to empathize with him.
Like I said, so far I like it and I’m excited to keep readying, but the right details in the right places will really make it great. I’m gonna be keeping an eye out for part 2.
Hello! I'd just like to say this is really exciting and fast paced, which is awesome. But I feel like even though it is Damon's point of view, it's being told with no real emotion. Did he feel horror as the man dropped from the creature's mouth, thinking he was next? Was he terrified out of his mind, but excited to have something crazy and exciting happen, even if it's running away from mythical creatures? Did his heart stop when he fell, thinking that was the end of him? I'm just thinking this could have more feeling. I do agree that there also could be a little more detail, but I mostly think it would all flow a little better if the sentences were varied more. I do like your work, and I'm hoping chapter two comes out soon. Keep me posted! I'm excited to see how Red Riding Hood in the Wolf's point of view works out.
