Dr. Gamble

(I would love some feedback...good or bad)

All I ever wanted became everything I fear
All I need, and everything dear,
It's far away, six feet deep.
Loving you was my farthest leap.
And I knew it was coming,
I knew we would lose

I can't do it, I don't want to. It's the insomnia, and the insomnia is my pain. And I lie, it was all a lie. My feelings, I never felt. The smiles, the laughter. Me, rubbing my forehead because of the stress. The shivers I would shake because the reality was just so chilling. The reality is just so chilling.

The lies. I love the lies. I like to hear that everything will be okay, and that it's all going to end soon. The lie that I can make a difference. You're gone, and no matter what we do here in your name and for you, you're never coming back to us. And now I'm getting frustrated with the lies because the truth has shown me something.

Doctor Gamble told Dante & I that knowledge changes things. It does. It changes things tremendously.

You. Where are you now, now that you're not here? The poetry doesn't flow right. The words don't feel right. It's like a list, a grocery list. Annoying to read, and painful too.

Walking through the shop, touching the things that you touched. Sitting on your bed, smelling your sheets. Tripping over your shoes that all over your room. I don't even know anymore.

I don't feel. I just feel the loss, and that is an emptiness that can only be felt in order for someone to understand.


I hear someone coming my way...just want to be alone

"I know you're hurting." a voice says quietly. I don't like the way he is looking at me. "Do you feel safe?"

"I don't understand."

"Are you afraid? Does it make you angry?" he asks, "Why would you do this, why do you want this." He shakes his head. "You're smarter."

"No. I don't know. I can't think."

"The emptiness that you're feeling, it fills you up. You're overflowing with it and you're at the point where you don't want to feel anything else because you're comfortable where you're at. You feel safe in it. You don't want to lose again."

"But I will lose again and I know that. I don't blame him like you think I do, it was me." The sound of footsteps and wheels, a gurney. "I wish you didn't call an ambulance. I'm going to survive it anyway. I'm invincible."

I really like two of the ideas you brought to light: "All I ever wanted became everything I fear", and that knowledge changes things tremendously. I strongly adhere to these two philosophies. These are definitely what made me like this a lot. Also, the fact that this is really a different style of writing poetry. I'm always fascinated when someone writes in a very different style than everyone else.

Keep writing!

Woah! Your work reflects strong emotions. I like the part where you describe about the lies the girl tells herself just to make her feel better. You've described all the emotions quite well here. Whatever the girl feels, like she's frustrated, she's in pain, she feels empty inside. Everything's been written so well and the best part is that it relates to reality. You emphasized on 'the reality is so chilling' and it gave me goose bumps. All the facts here are so clear. I didn't get confused even once.

Rock n' Roll Queen wrote:Loving you was my farthest leap.

I really liked this line. All in all, I can't find any faults here. You write pretty well so do PM me or post something on my wall if you want me to review any of your work.

I think this was my very first piece of poetry where not having that short poetic structure really made the piece. I mean, there is structure, rhyme and reason, but its in such a loose fitting way that it allows the chaoticness** of what the MC is thinking shine through. This was really easy to relate to... on so many levels. The title sort of threw me for a loop for a second, but thats okay seeing as once I reached the end of the poem, it made sense.

I liked how this fit together, how everything made sense in a weird sort of way. I really don't have anything else to say for this. Theres nothing but praise. Great work =]