Secrets Drowned in Blood: Prolouge

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yes it is very short, but that is the point!

Prolouge




Screams echoed behind him. The sounds of glass breaking, wood cracking, and even his footsteps filled the air. He hauled the limp boy and carried paper light girl up the hill.
"No. No. No."
The ground shook below him as he reached the top. He looked at the boy.
"Derek." He shook the boy dazing behind him. He was afraid to look , but he knew the presence was a good sight.
"I have to do this."
He turned around and faced the ebony black monster, and then ,his own, white monster.
"We have to do this," he mumbled.

The girl, afraid to open her eyes, forced them open.
"Brother, Derek?" She looked at her brother facing the
black cat-like monster. A purple aura surrounded him and the white hound-like monster.
She ran to Derek,the bruised, sweaty,and weary boy and said,"Derek come on help him."
She knew it was impossible for him to help in his state, but she still hoped. Her brother's aura grew, and the monster started to glow. Soon she was surrounded by a white light. Arms wrapped around her waist, and held her before she could blow away. The light cleared. She opened her eyes.
"Brother?"
Derek's arms were wrapped around her.
"Derek." She shook his body. He stood up and used a boulder to balance himself. Both the girl and Derek looked around.
"Brother!" She spotted him in the distance. He stood on his knees with the white monster laying next to him. He coughed up blood. His shirt torn,and blood leaking from scrapes on his arms and body. Derek limped to the injured boy.
"Hang in there," he said.
"Brother." The girl hesitated. The boy looked at his sister, who's eyes were filled with tears.
"Stay alive," Derek demanded. The boy coughed up more blood.
"Brother," she mumbled as more tears bursted from her eyes. She looked at his monster that slowly dissapeared.
"STAY ALIVE!" Derek yelled. "FOR YOUR SISTER!" The boy looked at his sister and rasped, "Sorry."
"BROTHER!" she cried as she ran into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him as he slowly closed his eyes.
"BROTHER!"
Last edited by Arisu2533 on Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
" The little girl ran into the angel’s arms and into heaven, while I flew to hell."-by EvensLily
a spactacular YWS writer!




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What happens next? That is my only question, I am anxious to read it. Cannot wait for you to bring out chapter one. I'll try to be the first one to review that one as well but for now we'll stick with this. Okay? It's great, I couldn't find anything wrong with it and it made me wonder about what has happened to this boy that has made him so weak that he might be dead. Interesting and well written.

~Faith(:
I Know I Can Wish Upon A Star But My Past Is My Past, And That Includes Last Night And Yesterday.




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*clears throat* I am going to review....ready! :D

Well I think that you got a good story here but I'm still a little confused. How did the girl suddenly appeared or did you get the genders mixed up with the limp body. Also, the constant "brother''s and "Derek"s can get very annoying and the last thing you want to do is really tick off your reader to a point when they want to stop reading. Well, most authors when there's an a horrible/malicious/just a plain jerk character but this girl probably plays a big role in your story so yeah. Other than that, your description may need some work. Prologues are not suppose to give everything away but you're a little too vague here. Other than that, I'm wondering how this story is going to evolve so good luck and keep writing.
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There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.
— Bram Stoker