I Miss You(Revisited)

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 67823
Reviews 254
Go easy on this baby. It was written totally out of emotional outburst and I didn't even edit it after that. :D


The warmth that you provide
with just one hug, that is capable
of melting even toughest of barriers.
Your cuddle, in the time of restlessness can
protect from worst nightmares.
The feel of your warm, pale fingers
on my sleepless eyes makes me
want to go to the dream world
that would never keep us apart.
But the reality plays the role
of an unjust ruler, plots the plans
of making us live without each
other, while we lay embracing,
speaking in hush tones. Well, its
the reality that always claims its
victory in this so-called "real world".
And we are parted once again after
a few days of happiness that were
the most important among all the
happy moments. The only thing that
we can do is to miss each other.
So honey, here I speak to
myself in this solitary world - "I miss you".
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 300
Reviews 0
Love it. Keep writing. FIRST POST!!! P.S i didnt read it was too long sorry but i dont really read novels much. but still keep writing. Oh yeah AND GO SHAMROCKS. if your not on my team sorry about that. and im trying to get point for a novel of my own. so thank. im still typing i dont know why though.
go to page.php?id=1242 now please and subcribe




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8572
Reviews 424
Dani, I think I've said this before but I'll say it again! I really admire your way of writing so much different kinds of poetry! This one was really good, short, yet not simple and truly touching! You use great imagery and this peace is very vivid and satisfying even though it's only a few lines long. - I am confused by the previous speaker who claims this is a novel.. is there 16 parts before this? Just wondering.. :P

Anyhows, great work on this one - Good flow, rhythm and content!

5/5 icky sticky spiders to you!


Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8000
Reviews 212
Hey there, ehte92. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem tonight. ^^

Wow, Ehte. I love this. So, so much. It's both sweet and bitter at the same time. And it's beautiful in it's simplicity. And I know the feeling well. Missing someone is always sad. But it can also be happy. It makes you cry and laugh and wish you could see someone again. I think you've brought that to life so perfectly, it's wonderful. I really like the flow, it's slightly disconnected, which is what gives the poem a kind of nostalgic feeling. And I absolutely adore it!

Okay, nitpicks. I think there needs to be a 'the' in this line; "of melting even toughest of barriers." And I don't think the 'the' is really needed in this line; "But the reality plays the role." Other than that, I have no complaints. ^^

Overall. This is a brilliant and slightly more than a little depressing poem. And I adore it. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and brilliantly bittersweet poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!

~Scar.
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?"
- Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
- Grace Hopper.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3733
Reviews 1417
Hi there!

My comments are in red. I hope I don't sound harsh in my review!

ehte92 wrote:
The warmth that you provide
with just one hug, that is capable
of melting even toughest of barriers. I really like the way you broke up these first three lines. They aren't broken up like they normally would be which really adds to the feel and flow of this piece. It sort of slows the whole thing down.
Your cuddle, in the time of restlessness can
protect from the worst nightmares.
The feel of your warm, pale fingers
on my sleepless eyes makes me Great imagery here!
want to go to the a dream world
that would could never keep us apart.
But the reality plays the role
of an unjust ruler, plots the plans
of making us live without each
other, Great use of a metaphor here. while we lay embracing,
speaking in hush tones. Well, it's
the reality that always claims its
victory in this so-called "real world".
And we are parted once again after
a few days of happiness that were
the most important among all the
happy moments. The only thing that
we can do is to miss each other. You changed so suddenly to this depressing tone, but I like it!
So honey, here I speak to
myself in this solitary world - "I miss you".

Overall this is a great poem. Your flow and rhythm is great and there were only a few grammer errors. I hope this review helped! Keep writing! :)
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

* * *

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life



Let the wild rumpus start!
— Maurice Sendak