Waves of Death (see spoiler)

Spoiler

I need a better title than the one that I have. Waves of Death sounds a little like a cheesy movie title. If anyone can think of a title, I would appreciate it.

I looked over the horizon
The water shining in the sunset
The waves rippling against the shore
The water that I would forever grudge

He had promised to return
He said it would not be long
He had broken his promise
I would never see him again

The waves had taken him
They refused to give him back
His ship resting on the ocean floor
Never to see land again

I had prayed for a message
A sign of his return
However, the letter that came
Brought nothing, but sorrow

I had a desire for revenge
Then I remembered
Nothing could confront
The waves of death

Love it. Keep writing. FIRST POST!!! P.S i didnt read it was too long sorry but i dont really read novels much. but still keep writing. Oh yeah AND GO SHAMROCKS. if your not on my team sorry about that. and im trying to get point for a novel of my own. so thank. im still typing i dont know why though.

I really like this. The poem seems to flow together really well. as for a title Maybe something like Save a Soul? It's really your option to add a title, because I think it does well without one. You know, like letting the poem talk instead of the title. Anyway, I really like the whole story in your poem.

Hi, Xreigon!

I highly recommend giving this a some kind of title. If you don't like what you previously had, use it anyway and change it later -- you're much more likely to get reviews when you have a title

As for the poem, I felt you used kind of a basic vocabulary. It's good when you want to be straight-forward and honest and not play around with too many tinsels and embellishments, but since you have all the words of the world in your hands, why not use them? It's amazing what a single quirky verb or adjective -- that you didn't even think of using at first -- can do to your poem! You can experiment with little things at first: if you want to say blue, say periwinkle. If you want to say big, say voluminous. If you want to say dog, say canine. Be careful with this, though -- less is more, as usual, right? And anyway, it's just an exercise for you to realise what you can actually do with words. When you do this, it might be easier for you to convey what you want to say, and soon you'll come up with all sorts of exciting metaphors no one has used before.

This brings me to my second point: metaphors. You don't have many of them at the moment, which is fine -- you don't always have to -- but it's just another thing that brings more excitement in an ordinary poem. It also helps you to bring out the emotion: it's not very likely that the reader understands how sad something is if you just say it's "sad". Metaphors are there to broaden the picture, to give us new angles, to look at things in a way we have never looked at them before.

Just experiment, practice, and you'll find out what style suits you best!


Demeter
x

Hello there, Xregion. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem tonight.

First off, wow. It was really...bittersweet and I think it felt deep. It also seemed hopeful for a moment, but then it fell into sadness. I really like it. It flowed well and I could actually relate to how the person who narrates the poem felt. Such bittersweet sorrow. You really did a good job with that, and I have no nitpicks. I suggest naming it Over The Horizon. I think it seems to fit well, don't you?

Anyhow. This is a brilliant and slightly bittersweet poem. And I like it. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and beautifully bittersweet poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!

~Scar.

Hello Xreigon!
Waddup?

You're poem is so touching :')
And you know, the title 'Waves of Death' is good

It's pretty challenging and goes with the poem.
Keep it ^^

#1:

I looked over the horizon
The water shining in the sunset
The waves rippling against the shore
The water that I would forever grudge

I like it where you've matched words with this sentence "The water that I would forever grudge.
But hating water isn't going to do anything, right? :/

I think in this, it's beautifully written. ^^

#2:

He had promised to return
He said it would not be long
He had broken his promise
I would never see him again

Very touchy but I think you're making yourself a little lazy here > "I would never see him again".
How about this? "Never seeing his soul alive again"
Quite good, isn't it?

#3:

The waves had taken him
They refused to give him back
His ship resting on the ocean floor
Never to see land again

I had prayed for a message
A sign of his return
However, the letter that came
Brought nothing, but sorrow

Didn't find anything wrong in these two paragraphs. It's perfect

#4:

I had a desire for revenge
Then I remembered
Nothing could confront
The waves of death

Now that's what I call a real writer.
Creativity is needed for every writer. You've used that well here =D

Job well Done! Loved it.
Very touchy and catchy.

Follow me! *follows back!*

Would give this a 9/10.

Cheers and Love,
Cookie or LM

P.S: Wall Post me when you submit new poems! ^^

Good job! It was really deep and emotional! I loved it!

I looked over the horizon:
The water shining in the sunset,
The waves rippling against the shore,
The water that I would forever grudge.(you don't grudge water, you have a grudge on water.)

He had promised to return,
He said it would not be long;
He had broken his promise,
I would never see him again.

The waves had taken him,
They refused to give him back.
His ship resting on the ocean floor-
Never to see land again.

I had prayed for a message-
A sign of his return.
However, the letter that came
Brought nothing, but sorrow.

I had a desire for revenge,
Then I remembered
Nothing could confront
The waves of death.

Lovely, really, and sad too.
It's about feeling helpless- which is as human as it gets.
It touched me.

Keep writing,
SubjectBlue.

Hey there. First off, I loved this poem, the mood captured quite well with your wording and vivid imagery. (Spelling?). Since the punctuation has been revised, I won't redo it. Something I did not like, or atleast think could be changed to make this poem even better; is in the first two stanzas. In the first two, you repeat either the word 'he' or 'the' for the first or last three lines, which tends to begin getting dull. I would recommend even changing a word inbetween the first and last repeat to change it up a bit. I rarely find poems with repetitive words that work out too well, (Atleast, that's my opinion.). But, overall, great poem!

I really like this poem It flows nicely and has great rhythm.
"I had a desire for revenge
Then I remembered
Nothing could confront
The waves of death" I liked this stanza a lot, it makes the narrator seem more desperate and helpless. (does that sound weird?)
I always love reading your poetry! Keep writing