Aphrodite's Curse

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Gender Male
Points 909
Reviews 11
Aphrodite’s Curse
Ryan Collins
Slowly turning her head with that more than casual glance—she gives him the silent knowing, holds the look of an eternal second, lighting a fire within.
The instructor continues on, ignorant and blissful in his speech.
“English is a discipline. Don’t get into English because you enjoy reading. Writing is the key to putting bread on the table in this profession!”
She doesn’t hear a word, finding humanities quick and sudden.
Her lovers close to her, with descriptions lost in translation from feeling, finding no words to describe. Her lover knows all those old stories, but this one won’t be like those, ending in Aphrodite’s curse of ever-fleeting love. He knows those stories, how that’s coming, but not now.
She wants him right now; it’s hard to hold back. Desire held in check by measured reasoned and morality yet to learn.
“Be patient in your writing style. Never be in a hurry,” the instructor says condescendingly. “It’ll always be as if you’ve had nothing, but all the time in the world.”
She looks at him sitting behind her. Her passion uncontrollable this time, meaning comprehended by the man in which she confides. Her independence melted away with the assurance of trust. He sees her, the look of vulnerability hidden away from the world that conjured it.
Her lover gets up and walks out the door. The Professor pauses in his attempt to oooh—and—ahhh his mesmerized students.
She’s on the edge of her seat, passion melting away reluctance. Constricted by freedom, she mumbles to herself…fuck it!
The Professor taken off again by this affair asks, “did you have a question young lady?”
“No sir, but I have an answer!”
RC$1




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Gender Female
Points 846
Reviews 42
I really liked the word choice and the description you used in this piece. It sounded meaningful, and it hooked me right in. A couple nit picks:
“Be patient in your writing style. Never be in a hurry,” the instructor says, condescendingly.
"the instructor says" is a complete sentience, and when you add description to the tone, you add a comma.
she mumbles to herself, "fuck it!"

Other than that, great job! I can't wait to read more!
There once was a women named Kent,
Whose nose was rather quite bent.
One day I suppose,
She followed her nose,
And nobody knows where she went.
-Unknown




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Gender Female
Points 4893
Reviews 99
I'm really sorry but I didn't understand this at all. It felt as if this was all over the place in a sense of speaking. The title really grabbed my attention but the story really let me down. I had no picture for what was going on at the kinds irked me. It really could have been so much better. But keep trying you'lll get it.




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Gender Male
Points 14013
Reviews 280
This is good, I enjoyed it. I won't delve into a full critique for now maybe I will come back to it. The main reason I replied is to show you this

topic19231.html

I think this

she mumbles to herself…fuck it!


Constitutes 'strong language' in my opinion so the rating should probably be 18+. I think that line is the only reason you need to change the rating and, considering it doesn't add a great deal and can be said in a PG 13 way, I would suggest change it. Anyway like I said I may be back to critique this on review day!
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Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres