Died And Tried Tried And Died.

I Keep Trying .
Then At One Point I Died.
And Cried .
But I Have To Open My Eyes.
And See The Sky .
i Died And Tried Tried And Died.
I Need Help.
But Nobody Is Around Me.
I Call And Call.
All I hear is my voice coming right back at me.
Over, and over, and over
I Died and tried, tried and died.
I Need A Person To Hear Me.
I Need A Person To Hug Me.
To Make Me Feel Good.
I Feel Like I'm In This Dark Hole.
When No One To Get In.
And Help Me to Find My Way Out.
But No Ones There.
"Help'! I Called.
No Ones There
Please, help me.
I Hear A "Another" Voice.
He Was In The Dark Hole With Me.
He said, "Let me help you out of this hole."
I Finally See The Light
I Look To The Sky
What A Normal Surprised
Thank God I'm not.
In This Hole AnyMore,
I've been there, done that.
Never Again.

Hi YouWishYouHadThis! I'm here to review as requested. ^_^

Once again, another wonderful poem. Your punctuation is kind of odd, I don't know if others have told you, though I guess it's okay 'cause it's understandable. Very, very good job, my friend! <333

YouWishYouHadThis wrote:i Died And Tried Tried And Died.

I died and tried, tried and died.

YouWishYouHadThis wrote:All i Hear Is My Voice Coming Right Back At Me.

All I hear is my voice coming right back at me.

YouWishYouHadThis wrote:Over And Over And Over.

Over, and over, and over.

I Died And Tried Tried And Died .

I died and tried, tried and died.

HELP!!! I Called.

I think this should be like this: "Help!" I called.

Please Help Me .

Please, help me.

I Hear A Other Voice.

Did you meant "Another"?

He Said Let Me Help You Out Of This Hole.

He said, "Let me help you out of this hole."

Thank God I'm Not.

Thank God I'm not.

I Been There Done that .

I've been there, done that.

Sorry that I correct silly commas, but I can't help it. *whispers* They call me the 'queen of commas' now. xD

This has to be my favorite poem of yours!! I really really loved reading it!! I couldn't see any errors, to my eye. But I really enjoyed reading it!!

first of all on the first line were you say "I died and tried tried and died" you didnt capitalize the I leaving it as "i diead and tried treid and died"
Also durring "died and tried and died" It would sound better to put a comma inbetwen letting it read out as "I died and tried, tried and died"
I like the over all point of the peice, It's inspiring and great! Keep writing I hope this helped

I wanted to express my admiration, but as a rule I don't 'like' work that the author has liked. This also read's like lyrics, and is blighted with fixable errors. I will assume GeeLyria got them and I won't point them all out. There is a lot of work like this out there, it's particularly prominent on this site, and as it stands not much really sets this aside from the rest. I wanted to feel something, empathise with the voice but it was all a little pedestrian for me. You need to douse the self-loathing with a hint of something else, hell anything else. Something that makes it more of a poem and less of a rant.

That's all I have, I'm no expert when it comes to poetry, but I know what I like and I think you could make a couple of changes to really strengthen this.

Hope that helped.

EDIT: P.S - Note how annoyed you feel when I like this, my own post. Yeah that's why you shouldn't do it yourself.

I like this a lot.

This poem struck a chord inside of me when I read it, and it touched me for some reason...

But now I'm going to do my job and review:

There's this one problem you have repeated:

"No Ones" should be "No one's" if you want to make this like "No one is"

Your capitalization and your lower cases remind me of e.e.cummings. Have you seen his style before?

Anyhow, good job, and continue writing great stuff like this!

The thing I really like about this was the stylistic choices. Like how in the beginning it gives a feeling of being trapped and there's a period at the end of every line but when they're set free, there isn't.
My only thing (besides the random typos that have already been mentioned) is that I feel like you need to go more into HOW things happened. Like the poem is like "i feel trapped" and then "someone saved me". It's a very good poem, but the sequence of things just seems a little abrupt.
It's a great start, though!

Heey, you're obviously a very talanted writer because I love the content of this and the way you wrote it. But I really dislike your use of so many capitalized letters, it's just annoying. As for the structure, I liked it - it was okay that it was little choppy and cutt off in the beginning, it fit with the words but for the better part the flow was perfect, so thumbs up for that. When it comes to the grammar I could only find one error;

"What A Normal Surprised" - I assume you mean "Surprise" without a "d" here

I agree with talkingbird that it would be interesting to know how things happened rather than just knowing they did. This poem is really good as are your style of writing but it's not that much imgaery in it which I miss.

Finally, I'll give you 4/5 icky, sticky spiders for this

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness