Darkness

There's darkness where the light seeks
It spills over the warmth
Tears it away and consumes it whole,
Leaving only bitterness
I softly cry with a shudder and sob,
For the dawn of sunlight has left my grasp
Gone away, away...
And where the light once met, the darkness has stolen.

Captivating! Great work! I love how you speak of light, like it is a fluid. You containing it in a cup. I could honestly feel my insides grow dimer, which is exactly what you want a reader to feel! My only suggestion is to describe dark a little more. Not necessarily make it bigger or scarier, but more selfish. This will help the readers feel that they were neglected, robbed of sun light. I love the structure and the length!

This is written beautiful, and shows a bizarre yet beautiful angle of dark vs. light. Thank you for the great poem! Keep up the amazing writing!

Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it, I wrote it by expressing my feelings towards my feelings at the moment. I just moved, and even though I love my new home and town, the school is dreadful. Very strict, and the kids are nothing like me...I feel so alone, like the darkness has stolen away all the light and hapiness I had. I think writing this helped my stressing. Also, I love your idea of making the darkness sound more slefish, and explain it more. I'll play around with it a bit.

There's darkness where the light seeks
It spills over the warmth I love this line
Tears it away and consumes it whole,
Leaving only bitterness
I softly cry with a shudder and sob,
For the dawn of sunlight has left my grasp
Gone away, away... I don't think the second away is necessary, why don't you put something else in there instead?
And where the light once met, the darkness has stolen. this line is awkwardly phrased, I know what you mean though

I liked this poem overall, I find it quite nice and I like the imagery, but what I would have liked was if it were more specific because I find it sad but it doesn't relate humanly too much, and therefore it's less relatable.

Keep writing

Hey there, Hiccup. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing you poem tonight.

What a beautiful and slightly saddening little poem. I really like, even though he flow isn't perfect and the imagery is just out of one's reach. But I like that. It almost seems to be a kind of mirage, if you know what I mean? And it makes me think. That's a good thing, though. Some poems are meant to make someone think, others are just pretty words to make them feel dreamy. *shrugs* But that's poetry for you. Never does make much sense. XD

Now, I have a few nitpicks. There's not much in the way of punctuation here. Which means I see very little commas, full stops, etc. It might make it hard for someone to read. And I agree on this part, "And where the light once met, the darkness has stolen." This line does seem rather awkward. What can darkness steal that light once met? It's...odd. But I hope you can rephrase it. I still get what you mean, though. I think. Anyway, other than that, this is good. Really good. I like it. ^^

Overall. This is a brilliant and slightly sad poem. And I adore it. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and brilliantly sad poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!

~Scar.

So, this was interesting, and short. I think overall you could have made it longer, added more detail, more imagery. Make the readers feel what you are feeling, see what you are seeing. You need to figure out what you're saying, and then-don't just say it-scream it through your poetry.

There's darkness where the light seeksWhat is light seeking? Where is the light seeking? You say there's darkness, but when you say where, it's unclear. It could be anywhere. Or is that your point? Light is gone, it has to seek. Just, make it clearer.
It spills over the warmth This is good, but still, it seems like even though your main point is between light and dark, you now include warmth, too?
Tears it away and consumes it whole,
Leaving only bitternessI like this part. Add a period here, though.
I softly cry with a shudder and sob,
For the dawn of sunlight has left my grasp You had good imagery here, but it could be better. Dawn of sunlight sounds weird.
Gone away, away...
And where the light once met, the darkness has stolen.You ended well, capturing your whole poem in a line.

I still think this needs some work, and it would be nice if it was longer. Anyway, it is good, just keep reading and writing and writing!

A'ola Hiccup. My name is Lakshmi and I'll be reviewing you're poem today ^^

Darkness is a good poem though there are many confusions and questions unanswered.
So here's what I thought was confusing.
Sadly, it was very small. I was looking forward to read more.

You're poem:

There's darkness where the light seeks.
It spills over the warmth.
Tears it away and consumes it whole,
Leaving only bitterness.
I softly cry with a shudder and sob,- Confusing part. There's darkness and you cry because the light has left you?
For the dawn of sunlight has left my grasp
Gone away and away...
And where the light once met, the darkness has stolen.- I am confused. This question is unanswered. Tried to read so many times and understand it but failed too. :/

Other wise, it was brilliant. Though the poem is not clear :S
If you could make changes here and there, this poem would be a master-piece xD

Wall post me and Follow me!
Request if you want me to review anything you're's :')

Love and Cheers,
Cookie or LM