A Bad dream come true

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"Suzie wake up" said my father while knocking on my bedroom door. It was a normal Monday morning, hopped out of bed, spent hours getting ready, got breakfast and waited for my parents. While waiting I remembered that my mathematics homework was due today and it was my first class.

I vigourously searched my bad for my math notebook and textbook, and searched my book for the number page. Finally I was ready to begin. Looking at the sums, they all seemed like Greek to me. I was based on trigonometry a topic introduced to us on Friday. Being unable to concentrate because romantic imaged floated through my mind of John and I making up at Emily's party over the weekend.

The sound of keys rustling brought me back to reality, it was at that moment , that very moment I knew that it was time to go. With my heart racing, I silently got up, gathered my things and hopped into the vehicle. School was only twenty-five minutes away and I was unable to answer one question out of the twenty sums. I sat there cursing myself but more my teacher for giving all that homework.

Finally, I got to the school, told my parents good-bye and slammed the door behind me. Coincidentally the first teacher to meet me that morning was Mrs. Taylor my mathematics teacher. "Good morning Suzie, how are you this morning?" she said "Fine thank you" I replied. After wishing several times that she was absent because of some virus she caught or an accident, none was answered.

Stepping into my class, I was short of breath and felt weak and ill. As I walked to my seat to get ready for class, I felt like a fever was suddenly approaching, continuing to wish that she would fall ill, I sat silently and took out my materials.

Behind me came Mrs. Taylor, as she approached her desk, I prayed that she would trip and fall but she got to her destination. Class began as usual and she was reviewing trigonometry. She seemed nice and bright this morning, and I too began to feel calmer and calmer. I kept wondering if my prayers were magically answered one way or another because with ten minutes left, Mrs.Taylor never asked for her homework.

Suddenly, it was in the middle of the mathematics class. Mrs.Taylor our teacher suddenly collapsed and sprawled unconscious on the floor. It was terrifying. not knowing what to do, I raced downstairs to get a teacher. Withing minutes paramedics were on the scene.

Apparently it was very serious, and Mrs.Taylor had to be rushed to the hospital. We continued class as usual that day, and everybody was still trying to understand what transpired earlier and what was wrong with Mrs.Taylor. Sitting silently and guilty, a teacher came to give us an update on Mrs.Taylor. As tears began to fill my eyes, I knew then that the mathematics teacher which I loved would not be present tomorrow, next week or ever, all because I didn't do my mathematics homework.




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Points 1075
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Wow, how very tramatic. Did this happen to you, or was it just something you came up with? A "what if" moment, as it were? All the same, I did like this, because it's something real that could happen to anyone at any time. There were errors, and I'm usually not this lazy [promise!] but, I am so tired right now, that I'm not error-checking, though I have seen some here and there. I'll probably edit this tomorrow, to include the errors, but I feel if I did it now, I'd miss some. Still, I loved this. Keep writing!

Wolfy~
"'Death happens,' as we like to say. 'And when I get paid for it, death happens more often.'"

"La shai'a waqi'on motlaq bal kollon momken."

"We are all books containing thousands of pages and within each of them lies an irreparable truth."

Rest in peace, Harry. <3




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Thank you very much...and No it didn't actually happen..just something that came to my head..but thanks again :)




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Gender Female
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Hello there!

I really enjoyed this piece since this is a situation I easily relate to, not only with school but with any situation where I'm feeling anxious. Just like the narrator I often imagine crazy scenarios where I get to avoid an uncomfortable situation, but most of them never come to pass. Emphasis on the word "most." There's the occasional moment when my scenarios become reality and I feel like I'm responsible somehow, so this piece really resonates with me, although those coincidences have never resulted in tragedy.

You do a good job by giving us something that we can all understand: a student who is panicking since they forgot to do their homework. That's a feeling most of us can relate to and makes us feel sympathy for the main character. Also, as I mentioned before, I too make up crazy situations in hopes that one of them might come true to avoid uncomfortable situations and I think a lot of other people do as well, so that gives us something else we can use to connect with the main character. It's this connection with the main character that makes this story work, especially for people like me, and it also makes the ending that much more jarring.

That aside I notice that there are a lot of things that can be improved, most of them involving grammar and formatting. It's generally better to have your story aligned to the left instead of the center since that's the traditional format and isn't likely to bother readers. You also need to proofread for any spelling errors that spell check won't mark. I suggest that you read out loud since it'll be easier to catch them. You should also review the rules for using commas since there's more than one instance of a comma splice or a missing comma. Also, a little pointer on writing dialogue. Every time a new character speaks you start a new paragraph.

Overall you did a good job writing this. The premise is something most people can understand, allowing readers to share the main character's emotions and making the story work. Grammar and formatting need to be improved but aside from that there really isn't anything else that bothers me. Good work!

You're welcome to PM me with any questions or comments.

--Dover
Lumi: I hate it when plans require faith in competence.
Jagged: You should know better by now.




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Thank you Dover...really appreciated..and yes I did realize the spelling after posting the story..guess I was typing fast and didn't realize the spelling errors...but thanks again...appreciated :)




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Reviews 26
That was really interesting :D Ofcourse every students mentality will be the same when they did not complete their work. You brought it out very well..
Keep writing what comes into your head...
All the best...
Cheers !
-Dan



The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature.
— Henry Winchester