Mystery Man

Spoiler

This is about a guy that I am falling more and more in love with, but I am not allowed to love

I wonder...
I think...
But I do not know...
Do you drop subtle hints?
Or you are just nice?
Possibly both...
Never thought I would fall
For a Mystery Man

I know you're trying to get effect from the use of more punctuation than necessary, but, I personally, find it obnoxious. So this is what I will focus on in this review.

??????????? No need to border the poem with a row of question marks.
I wonder..... If you must do this instead of a comma, use 3 periods.
I think.... (Three)
But I do not know... *Claps*
Do you drop subtle hints??? (One question mark)
Or you are just playing nice?? (One question mark)
Possibly both...... (Three please)
Never thought I would fall.. I would take out the punctuation entirely here.
For a Mystery Man.
??????????? Same comment as up top

For all I know, you may be trying out a new style, or perhaps this is always your style (I've never read anything else of yours), but consider the atmosphere of the poem. It's questioning, unsure, right? But with all the extra punctuation marks, it sounds needy and childish. It should sound more confident and classy. I hope this review helped!

Well I liked the idea of your poem, but feel it wasn't presented very well. The confusion in the poem was displayed, but I felt like you were just saying it, I didn't find much poetic rythym in it. A few good ways to fix this:

1. Make it longer. It doesn't have to go on forever, but giving it some more length gives you more time and more freedom to explain what you're feeling and what the poem is about.
2. Be more descriptive. I could tell you were confused, like I said, but until the last line I didn't understand what about. I feel like you just threw it in there. I know that's not true, but that's just how it looks. Try to link the confusion to the mystery man, putting more hints about him throughout the poem. Again, this can be achieved with a longer poem.
3. Decide on what kind of poem you're doing. It could be acrostic, haiku, lymerick, whatever. But decide on one technique and stick to it. This will give the poem a clearer purpose

I hope this advice helps. Don't be discouraged by the criticism, it's all constructive just so you can create a better poem next time.

Hey, I like your poem, Mystery Man. It's short but you've clearly conveyed your message here. It's sad that you're not allowed to love this guy. Anyway, love conquers all! It's a sweet poem and it definitely has emotion. Nice poetry

You know what, I actually liked this. Not the kind of thing you would read on here normally. Short, simple. However, devoid of ANY real literary devices. My only (rather big) nuance. Hmm...how to improve on this...this poem is as much of a mystery as the Man is.

The thing is. I like it. But it's not really a poem. So if you want to make this a poem, MAKE IT A POEM. As in, use some literary devices and transform your thoughts into words.

Go to the Haiku/Senryu Battle thread in Poetry Discussions, those are short, simple 3-liners, yet pack a LOT of punch into their rather measly structure.

Good luck!

Kay.. so I liked this poem and the content of it but I agree with Dani it doesn't have any typical poetry structure... and of course it doesn't have to be typical, original is very good. The thing with this piece is it lacks rythm.

As for the content, it is very good - I like the two last lines alot... but I would try write it differently...

Never thought I would fall
For a Mystery Man

Maybe..

Little did I know;
I would fall for a
Man of Mystery

- Just a suggestion, I'm just concerned about the poetic form of this because the content itself is really quite good xD

One last nitpick; "Or you are just nice?" - I think you should swap places with "you" and "are" so it says "Or are you just nice"... maybe add as confettis said... "Or are you just (playing) nice?"

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness