Too Lost

I am different
I wonder what will happen
I hear the screams echo down the halls of my penitentiary
I see fire and destruction in the eyes of the stranger who left me
I want to save the world
I am pathetic

I pretend I am perfect and can handle anything
I feel pain that tends to over- power all other emotions
I touch the walls that are enclosing around me
I worry that I shouldn't be here and I am just wasting space
I cry alone in my room when the stress finally gets to me
I am too lost to be saved

I understand that I deserve the pain I receive
I say I am fine when I am not
I dream of making people proud to know me
I try to hide my true feelings
I hope that I can be forgotten and just disappear
I am silently dying inside

I am different
I wonder what will happen
I hear the screams echo down the halls of my penitentiary
I see fire and destruction in the eyes of the stranger who left me
I want to save the world
I am pathetic

I did not really get it can you explain to mean what this means in like what did the first verse mean. But other than that it would is great

Of the three, the first stanza is my favourite. I say this because it is quite vague, which could sometimes be a bad thing, but which in this case, I consider to be a good thing. In contrast, the other two stanzas seem to me much too matter-of-fact. There is no asking, "hmm...what does she mean by 'I say I am fine when I am not'?" because it is very obvious.

I just mean that poetry is different from writing in your diary, or writing a letter, in which cases you want the language to be in perfect English and to be clearly understood. In poetry, on the other hand, the goal is to present ordinary sentiments in a way that is NOT ordinary, so that readers will scratch their heads and say "hmmm...who is 'the stranger who left me,' and why are there fire and destruction in his or her eyes?"

So, for future poems, I would say try to find different ways to present these strong emotions to your readers. Perhaps create a character whom you can put into a narrative poem, and infuse the story with the dark, lonely feelings you need to express. Or use elements of nature or technology as metaphors, descriptive images, of your pain. Now, pain is pain is pain, but sometimes you can make it all the more profound by dressing it up a little.

- lilchoma

p.s. I will be praying that the narrator of this poem finds what they are looking for, and that all their dark, lonely feelings will go away and leave a big, fat space for joy behind :)

Oh Hellåå! This is Demoness and I'm here to give you my opinion on this piece of yours!

To begin with... I like how every line starts with "I" it's a nice way to tie the poem together I also like your descriptive and imaginative sentences but at some places it seems like you've tried so hard to give your poem visual and life that you've forgotten what story you're trying to tell. Maybe that's a little vague, what I mean is, that each line is very beautifully written by itself but at many occasions the line before doesn't seem to have any connections with the one below. Hm.. what more do I have to say? Ehm, mostly when the lines differ so much in length the flow gets disrupted but I didn't see that here, although with the lack of punctuation the rythm for a bit weary.
Overall though... I like your style and you're very creative, what's missing here is that I can't find a "thread"... you know, a message or topic that rumbles through out the whole poem.

Finally, I must give you your fair share of icky, sticky spiders... You'll get... wait for it!!!! THREE out of FIVE icky, sticky spiders! xD

Good Work & Keep Writing

// Demoness

This spam review has been removed by Big Brother.

I don't really know how to edit this in any way, but I think sometimes the flow is a little disrupted... sorry for being unhelpful right there...
BUT I actually really loved this poem! I think it's so incredibly relatable, the feeling of wanting to be everything but really being (or feeling like) nothing YET at the same feeling so much.
I love this line:
I touch the walls that are enclosing around me

and this one:
I understand that I deserve the pain I receive

Great job!