And That Is All

The knife descends upon my wrist with grim understanding, sighing its bloodlust as it cuts through the air. I close my eyes and grin in anticipation. The grin quickly twists into a grimace as the keen edge of the blade parts my flesh. A startled messenger flees the cold steel as it cuts through my nerve tendons. It takes off towards my brain, travelling faster than any man ever could in its terror. In the course of a heartbeat, it returns bearing a message of pain, calling for back-up on its way. I can't but gasp as the message is revealed to me in its wholeness, the messenger shouting it into my ear. In a matter of moments, the back-up arrives in the form of endorphins and all the pain was worth it.

Sweet euphoria surges through my veins, and I sigh in delight as the iron scent of my blood invades my nostrils. The knife comes down for another visit, a missed relative, sending another messenger scrambling off. A single tear of my life escapes the narrow wound; it tumbles down towards the lush carpet, seemingly in slow-motion. It strikes the carpet with an inaudible thump, staining the pure, snow white cotton forever more.

I faintly hear a bell chime in the distance. My eyelids flutter open and the sound grows louder. The bell. Class starts in a minute. I hurriedly clean the blade on a piece of tissue I find from my pocket. Judging by the stains, it's most probably the same one I used to wipe my bloodied nose after recess. I press the soiled tissue to the twin wounds as I rush to my class.



Later that day, I climb onto a thick railing above a busy lane. The maws of the cuts open wide from the strain and drool blood down the length of my arm. I watch it gather into my opened hand and blatantly consider writing a note, but there's no one to write to, no one who would read it. I take out the knife from my pocket with my hand of crimson and clutch it to my chest, uncaring of its loving sting. My only friend I will keep close. Smiling, I leap off the railing and into the blurring lights below. I leave behind me a faint stain of scarlet. That is all.

Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! I very much adored this piece of writing of yours. It had meaning, feeling and visuals all wrapped up in a beautiful piece of writing. The use of metphors really brings up the picture in the readers mind. I have one question however, about the lush carpet. Are you saying the person is in another classroom or what? I'm just a bit confused on that part. However, use of too many wording does cloud the readers mind at points (mind you, I'm not trying to be mean ) But to sum it all up...it was a concise and totally stunning piece of literary work. Keep it up!

I will agree, this was very good. Lots of feeling and definitively gave me a chill. No grammar or spelling mistakes. However, I do have a nitpick: you are TOO detailed.

I understand how this is a short story, and you are trying to push as much feeling as possible into four paragraphs, but you often repeat yourself in different ways. Here are a few examples:

"...staining the pure, snow white cotton forever more."

You can pick between pure white, or snow white. but both together is a bit repetitive.

"I faintly hear a bell chime in the distance."

You can either faintly hear the bell, or hear the bell in the distance, and it would have the same meaning and effect. You don't need both.

Don't worry, I've done this too - a quick read over is all you need to find the repetitive bits and you'll be set. Even though this is actually really depressing to me, haha ~

Hi there!

Wow...this is an amazing story! You did a really great job potraying the emotions needed to make this kind of story work. You really got inside your character's head and told us what they were thinking, why they were doing this and how they were doing this. You imagery is great. I'm a squeamish person and blood isn't my favorite thing in the world. You did such a great job that I was squirming while reading this.

This is really amazing. Keep writing!