Why I'm here: A Freak attempts to explain himself

I’m a horrible person. An arrogant, self-absorbed, unreliable, irresponsible, vulgar, manipulative, loud, manic-depressive drug-fiend. Occasionally I use chronic masturbation as a sleeping aid. The only consistent feature of my college career has been substance abuse; capsules and bottles and baggies of distilled joy. Sometimes I’m lonely even when I’m not alone. Sometimes I have words inside that I need to scream and shout at passersby. Sometimes I hate myself. But I love you. All of you. Yes, I have low standards. I have faith in you, even if you’ve lost faith in yourself. Because I have faith in myself and nobody can be worse than me. You might think you’re boring, average, normal, but I disagree, I know that deep down inside you there’s a child that’s more creative than I am. I know that if I listen to you long enough, your words, your music, your mannerisms, your way of living will inspire me. There’s a part of you that doesn’t care if it’s acceptable to society, underneath all your masks there’s something beautiful. And I want you to show me.

I’m here because underneath my ugliness there’s something pretty. I want my words to slither up your spine and turn into something real. An opinion, an idea, an article, a wet dream, a gasp of horror, anything. I’m here because I’m a character, with lines memorized and props purchased and onlookers mesmerized. But I want a bigger audience, to watch me dance over the worlds blistered corpse. I refuse to sell my soul. I refuse to spend my life working for some heartless corporation in a neon-lit office until I buy a shotgun and blast holes through coworkers’ heads. I don’t want to be an artist, I want to be art, passionate, pure, I want the world to feel this obscene energy.

Are you here with me? Is there anybody out there? Leave a comment if you can hear me

[Originally posted on my website freakpowerarabia.com where i write under the alias Jayhanam)

First of all, Welcome to YWS Headfreakjay.
What you wrote is extraordinary. I guess it's about various characters right?. The punctuation and grammar is right on point.
Very creative.I'll like to read more from you. Kudos! and keep writing.

Hello,
I can't literally hear you but I'm getting you loud and clear. But never the less a nice little intro, I don't know if your talking about yourself or a character but I assume you are talking about yourself. I like your blunt honesty style and the fast pace of your writing, I can literally feel the passion. I agree with the other reviewer about your grammar, which unlike mine, sees to be rather impeccable.

The voice you have created is quite refreshing and quite interesting. I could quote your whole passage because some of the lines are great. You have really captured a sort of state of mind form me, a state of mind I, despite my young age, have already lost. You remind of people I used to know and a couple of flash animations (random, I know) by a animator who goes by the sexual lobster. I agree with most of what your saying and I find you rather interesting.

Good work.

Thank you for the kind words and the "Welcome to TYS" wallposts, I'm really to be happy to be here, everyone's been so nice Jennya it was very nice to hear that you could "feel the passion" and i guess in a sense its about myself but everything I write is, I keep trying to create these characters, searching for the right voice. I'm working on a nonfiction narrative about youth in the middle east, most of the storyline is there however I'm stuck looking for the right voice. I've created a bunch of different characters, variations on myself really, trying to find out which voice could best explain Amman, Jordan to readers. Everyone's been very encouraging and I appreciate that. I'll be posting more excerpts soon and hoping for more feedback. Thanks guys, you're awesome

Oh my gosh. I loved this.
I can't even explain.
But I'll try.

I loved you blunt, ugly, in-your-face style. You pulled no punches; it was dirty, gritty, honest. It felt like there was a bit of this "story" in all of us. In the second paragraph, it felt as though your "backdrop" opened up and yet closed into a very dark, dank cave. I don't know if that makes any sense....But that's what I got from it.

I could actually really identify with this character. It's so honest and real and I would love to hear more from this perspective. Looking forward to your work!