Hidden Flame: A dragon's secret Chapter 2

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Chapter 2: A Strange Encounter

A week had passed and Vanessa’s brother and sisters had left with Clover to go back to their base and complete the unfinished assignments. Everyone left, except Brawley, who had promised to stay behind to help Vanessa learn to use her powers. Unfortunately, by now everyone could sense the dragon inside her. Its power was unimaginable and Vanessa always had a hard time concealing it.

She had already explained everything to her family about the dream, the time freezing, how she’d performed some sort of transporting spell and had gotten stuck between two dimensions… and everything she’d heard from Dawn and Aida.

Clover, after hearing this, explained to Vanessa how she’d found her so that Vanessa could be sure of everything. She could now call herself part witch and part dragon since there was no doubt that her real family had no other spell casters. And when Vanessa told them about Gale; that she was destined to destroy him, they simply said it was too dangerous.

“But why is it that you guys won’t let me know where Gale is?” Vanessa asked one morning. She was having breakfast with Brawley, Ruth, Amy, and Aunt Rose was pouring juice into everyone’s glasses. They were sitting around a long dining table which was neatly polished and seemed brand new. The whole mansion seemed new after Vanessa had summoned it last week on her birthday. They were all starting to get the hang of it.
“It’s because he’s too strong and you haven’t learned to control your powers yet. I can sense your dragon from miles away. I told you in your first lesson to conceal it,” Brawley replied politely, drinking a little of the juice.

“I’ve tried real hard but I can’t conceal something so immense…” Vanessa snapped but Brawley just yawned without paying attention. This was irritating Vanessa and she did something completely out of her control. She released a tiny wave of dragon power under Brawley’s chair which made it fall backwards sending him to the floor as well. There was silence in the room. Ruth and Amy got out of their chairs and backed away. Aunt Rose went to help Brawley up while Vanessa just stared at her hands. They felt a little warm and prickly as if they had been near a heater.

“I told you to conceal it… why don’t you try to conceal your emotions first? I could feel your anger radiating from you in heat waves a second ago and now it’s gone because you’re in shock…” Brawley spoke in a low tone. He was breathing a little harder than usual. The impact had really awoken him.

“Well you weren’t listening. Instead of answering me, you just yawned and it irritated me. I don’t really know what happened next; just that my hands felt really warm for a second and then your chair fell backwards…” Then realization hit her. “Wait, did I do that?”

Everyone just nodded slightly and looked away except for Brawley who steadied the chair and sat on it. Vanessa just stood dumbly, realizing that it was her they were all afraid of; afraid that she might do something reckless if not taught how to control these powers.

But this little slip in power helped me with my act, thought Vanessa, even Amy seems fooled. They all think I can’t conceal my dragon which will help me disguise better because tonight is the night for me to prove myself worthy of being number two…

“Why are you so tired anyway?” It was Amy who asked. They were all getting seated on their chairs again and so did Vanessa.
“I was up all night trying to catch this kid who took something forbidden from the museum in Green Garden…” Brawley answered drowsily, “It is part of my mission.”
“…so… did you catch him?” Ruth asked curiously.
“No… I chased him till he disappeared into the northern woods. I couldn’t chase him all night and besides, who knows what kind of traps he might have laid for me in there.”
“…so he did…” Amy murmured and Vanessa suddenly glanced at her, realizing Amy was looking at her too. They frowned at each other for a short moment and then looked away.

Brawley noticed that but he was too sleepy to ask them anything. Vanessa got up and went up to her room slamming the door behind. She was angry again but she had to control her power. “Amy is going to blow it!” Vanessa shouted and heard her voice echo back at her. She stared at the portrait hung on the right wall. It was the portrait of Dawn, her real mother. It had appeared with the mansion.

Then her eyes lingered sideways to her bed and down onto the floor under it. She caught sight of something sharp and pointy.

Meanwhile, Aunt Rose was clearing up the table. Brawley was getting up from his chair when she spoke,
“Oh I almost forgot. Brawley dear, would you go upstairs and remind Vanessa she has to go for shopping in town with me this instant,” then turning to the twins, “Ruth and Amy, you two are supposed to do the dishes this time. It’s your turn.”
The twins made annoyed faces but got up anyway, taking the dishes to the kitchen.

Brawley, by the way, went upstairs to Vanessa’s room which was also where he was staying till the other rooms were dusted. He was planning on just telling her to go downstairs but when he opened the door, he saw Vanessa angrily pacing back and forth in her room. She didn’t seem to notice him standing there at the doorway. Her mind was elsewhere. That’s when Brawley noticed a blade in her left hand. She was holding it tightly. Just when he was about to say something, Vanessa threw the blade towards the door he was holding. Brawley’s quick reflexes worked here. He slammed the door shut and the very next second, heard a thud.

Slowly opening the door again, he took a look at it to see that the blade had gone through the thick wood. Then he frowned at Vanessa who had an apologetic look on her face. She just stood there, frozen, not knowing what to say to him.
“Look, I can’t explain,” she simply said. She had a lot going on in her mind and there was no way to explain what she’d just done or why she had done it.
“…That’s weird because normally the criminal says, I can explain, and then the cop says, oh you better have an explanation for this, although the criminal has nothing to say…” Brawley just stated without thinking.
“I am not a criminal!” Vanessa snapped and her hair vibrated as if the wind were blowing it.

“Whoa! Calm down Vanessa,” Brawley said, holding up hands in a surrendering gesture, “I just came to tell you that Aunt Rose is calling you downstairs. She says that you have to go shopping with her… well that was all I wanted to say but I would need to know where you learned to throw a blade like that… and what on Earth is a blade doing in here?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I-I found it… here in this room a while ago. It must’ve appeared when I had summoned up the mansion,” Vanessa gave him an innocent smile. Brawley didn’t ask any questions after that. Only because when he was about to say something, his cell phone rang and he signaled Vanessa to go downstairs. Vanessa pretended like she was leaving when instead, watched Brawley go into the Balcony. She followed him there. He seemed to be talking to his manager.

Good, thought Vanessa, that’s all I wanted to know. Now to do this small task so that I can pass my test…

Vanessa placed her hand on the wall behind Brawley, he didn’t notice her; he had his back on her. She placed a tiny object on the wall and left, smiling whilst also feeling guilty about doing this to poor Brawley.

Then next second Vanessa was downstairs, putting on her shoes and heading outside with Aunt Rose.

“Seems like you’re satisfied…” Amy said, watching Vanessa’s expression. Vanessa just turned around and winked at her before leaving.
“That girl… I don’t get it why they admire her so much… she can’t even control her dragon properly. She can easily let the enemies know where she is… she’s a danger to us all…” Amy was muttering to herself while Brawley was coming downstairs.
“It’s not that dangerous… she’s trying, I guess. And I’ve noticed she’s getting better at it…” He said as he walked passed her.
Amy, shocked that she had been overheard, just replied, “Yeah…” Then when Brawley was out of sight, she said, “Whew! If I keep talking to myself this way, I might end up being the danger to us all…”
“What’re you talking about?” Ruth said as she passed by Amy. Amy didn’t say anything and just headed upstairs, tiptoeing silently.

When Vanessa was sure she was far enough from the mansion, she quickly concealed her dragon. I had to act like I didn’t know how to hide it to keep my identity a secret… what I really am… Vanessa talked to herself for a while until she got distracted in shopping.

That was dangerous. She was running out of time and she had to be somewhere else in a short while but the shopping sensation got to her and she forgot all about it.

Somewhere else… in an academy somewhere deep inside the northern woods,
“She’s late. She was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. She is going to lose marks on her test if she misses it.” A teacher spoke.
“Sir, I have just received information from Amy, one of the top 10 spies in the academy, that our little test spy is going to be late… she’s uh… shopping with her Aunt…” said the teacher’s assistant
“It is disappointing to hear that a test spy is late… no test spy ever comes late. They know that if they pass the test they get promoted to a higher number. Well… I guess we have nothing to do except wait for her to come. If she comes after the starting time of the test, she will lose marks.”
“Yes sir.”

Vanessa knew there was something she was supposed to do… somewhere she was supposed to be. It was getting late and she still hadn’t finished shopping with her aunt. She had to go somewhere…

Then all of a sudden, a child bumped into her. She frowned down at him and he just said,
“I’m a space ranger! I can shoot lasers from my super duper laser watch!” The kid made sounds of shooting from his mouth and then continued talking as he walked away, “And now I’m a spy. I’ve got awesome powers and I keep my identity a secret…” he trailed off.

That’s when realization hit Vanessa. “Oh no! The test!” was all she said before darting out of the building.
“Where are you going, Vanessa?” Aunt Rose asked, holding a shopper full of clothes she had just bought.
“I just remembered something. I have to go right now. You carry on with the shopping. I’ll see you later!” Vanessa shouted and ran out of the shop. She couldn’t believe how forgetful she had been.
“And Amy might already be there telling the teacher that I’m busy shopping. She’s just looking for chances to degrade me on my tests and humiliate me in front of the students at the academy…” Vanessa ran as fast as she could she knew she had to make it in time or else she would lose marks and she could not afford that at the moment.

As she neared the woods, a small voice tried to speak to her. Vanessa didn’t know where it was coming from; just that it came from somewhere far away. ‘Do…ntgot…her…e’, it said. “What? I didn’t get that?”
‘D…ont…goth…ere’, it said again. Vanessa couldn’t quite understand any word except for, “Don’t? Don’t what?”
‘Don’t goo…theeere…’ said the voice. It was a little shaky and hoarse as if the person had been crying for hours over something…
Crying? Vanessa thought, that could only mean one thing…
“Mom?!” She said out loud curiously while halting to a stop, “Mom, where are you? And what do you mean by ‘don’t go there’?”
But there were no more replies. It was as if her mother was satisfied that the message had been received and understood by her. Now it was up to Vanessa to figure out specifically where her mother had warned her not to trend.

“Oh… I don’t have time to figure it out. I’ll do it later. I need to get to the academy first.” But what Vanessa didn’t know was that danger lied in every place she went. Gale had obviously sensed the power she had been radiating while she was home. He must’ve sent his minions to capture Vanessa or to kill her but she was unaware of everything.

That night, Brawley had planned out everything. He knew where that the kid he had fought the night before was going to appear near the museum again. That was why this time he was prepared with a fool proof plan to capture the brat and ask him a few questions; for example who he was and why he was taking forbidden things.

Unfortunately that night, the kid had other things to worry about.
“Where were you? You’re late! I’m surprised you passed the writing test… and they let you in?” it was a boy in a spy outfit with his face hidden behind a mask.
“I was there on time so quit your yelling. And I’ve already recorded Brawley’s plan through a small device I placed near the wall he was standing. Now you know what he’s about to do. You can counter attack…” said the other person in a spy outfit who was a girl. She had her face hidden as well. The two were jumping from tree to tree proficiently. The girl seemed to be lagging behind and not paying much heat to where she was going. She kept glancing around her in the dark as if something would come out of the darkness and grab her.

Her other partner was looking straight ahead and didn’t notice her losing her focus like this; not until it was made obvious. The girl jumped onto a branch, lost her balance and slipped while tearing it out of the tree. The boy whirled around when he heard that,
“Vanessa!” He shouted and Vanessa gasped as she fell. She was still glancing around while she quickly gripped a lower branch and swung upwards towards a higher branch. When she got near her partner he said,
“Are you crazy? You’re not focused here. And that’s going to cost you marks. First you appear late in the examination hall, and then you almost kill yourself by falling like that.”
Vanessa, while frowning at the broken branch a few feet away from her, spoke, “Shang, there was something there. I could sense its presence. It was the thing which somehow made the branch break otherwise you know I’m not heavy enough to break something that thick just by jumping on it.”

Shang sighed and went to examine the branch for a few seconds. He looked up at her and said, “This wasn’t part of the
test. I was only told to get the goods from the person who is going to appear near the mansion and get away with them without letting Brawley catch us. I wasn’t told about facing any obstacles on the way… maybe they’re testing me too…”
“Or maybe there really was something out there,” Vanessa corrected.
“Well whatever it was, it’s gone now. I don’t sense anything. Let’s not get distracted here. The person near the mansion is waiting to deliver the goods. We can’t let Brawley catch him either. Come on.”
Vanessa nodded and the two headed towards the town.

Meanwhile, Brawley had set his trap outside the mansion, “As soon as I see the kid pass by here, I’ll just press the button and automatic ropes will spring up in the air and tie him up. I’ll just hide somewhere close to keep an eye on him.” He said.

Just at that instant, he heard someone approach the mansion. The person seemed to be running fast.
“Good… just a little closer…” Brawley was muttering while hiding behind a few trees which were planted near the museum for tourist attraction. The person came closer. He was breathing hard as if he had just been chased by someone. Then it all happened too fast for Brawley to acknowledge it properly. The person was not a kid, it was a man. He could tell because the man screamed in pain, before even approaching the trap Brawley had laid. And the next second, there was silence. Brawley waited for a few more seconds before coming out of his hiding place to check what had happened.

Sadly, what he saw was not what he’d expected at all. There was someone with a hood over his head; it was shadowing his face as well so Brawley couldn’t really make out any features. The person was gripping a rope in his hand and the other end of the rope was tied around something that looked like a dog but wasn’t. Brawley could sense a dark power radiating from them both. Then when he followed their gazes, he saw the same man who had screamed lying flat on the foot path.

Brawley couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He knew this was not a kid. This was someone far more evil than anyone could ever imagine. The kid Brawley had been expecting was late otherwise it would’ve been him on the ground instead of the man.

Now the two fiends were looking straight at Brawley. He backed away a little, reading their faces. He knew he was in for trouble since he had now officially become a witness of a murder scene. Brawley turned around to run but the person was in front of him all of a sudden.
“Where are you going child,” he said, “You shouldn’t be out here all alone at night. You know how kids disappear now a days without a trace…” the person gave him a nasty, spooky smile which sent goose bumps all over Brawley’s body. He was frozen and about to be dead. If only he have stayed hidden behind the trees for a little while longer; at least it would have spared him the death part.

“I’m sensing something… dark auras near the museum,” Vanessa told Shang as they neared the museum.
“You know, I’ve got to admit that your senses have become a lot sharper since that spell wore off you. It’s much easier for you to use your dragon powers now. Before you used to have a hard time unleashing it and now look at you. You’re almost at the top,” Shang commented while squinting in the dark to make out something of the figures standing in a distance.

As they closed in, Vanessa was the one to realize who one of the figures standing there was.
“Brawley? It’s Brawley. He’s in trouble. We have to help him. That guy with that creature with the dark aura is going to kill him if we don’t do something fast.” Vanessa was speaking in alarm. Shang put a hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Vanessa nodded.

The street light was very dim at the moment and it was easy to sneak up on the person. Vanessa and Shang displayed a great deal of teamwork. They used a combo trap which they had invented themselves. It went like this. They circled around the target, both running in opposite direction. Using the hidden flame of the dragon inside them, they increased their speed and created air waves around the enemy which soon turned into a mini hurricane. The enemy was trapped inside it, taken by surprise of course, while Vanessa dragged Brawley away from it. His face was pale as snow and he was taking longer than expected to get over the near death experience just now.

Brawley had no idea who was escorting him, as long as he was away from that guy with the spooky smile. Shang, on the other hand, spotted the man lying flat on the floor. He seemed to be breathing very slowly but that was all Shang needed to know. He quickly grabbed hold of the person’s arm and disappeared suddenly by turning to flames and dust. It was a dragon’s way of teleportation.

When Vanessa was sure she had lured Brawley out of danger, she let go of his sleeve she had been holding to drag him away, and turned around to leave when all of a sudden,
“Wait, who’s side are you on anyway? Weren’t you here to rob something from the museum?”
His timing of recovery is pretty bad, thought Vanessa, just when I need to get away without a word, he asks me a question. What am I supposed to do? But Vanessa knew exactly what she had to do. She vanished without a word; not letting Brawley come closer to figuring out who she was.

Back at the museum outside, the hurricane was still there. The person trapped inside had been waiting for the right chance to unleash his power so that no one would figure out who he was. There was a huge blast from inside the hurricane and it just vanished leaving the entire museum on fire. The person behind this whole incident had vanished along with the creature from the dark lands.

Vanessa had heard the blast. It had only been two minutes of dragging Brawley away from the hurricane when this person had escaped. She had this sinking feeling inside her that this strange encounter was only the beginning of something very big and dangerous.
“So this was the danger my mom had been warning me about… what if this is the person I’m supposed to be destined to beat? Anything’s possible… and so is me failing the test. I hope Shang got the goods because I was too busy getting sidetracked!” Vanessa did her best to jump from tree to tree as fast as she could. She knew there was a quicker way of teleporting herself but she hadn’t quite mastered the technique yet.
“I could give it a try…” Vanessa said as she stopped to concentrate on the hidden flame inside of her; trying to ignite it.
As she did, she pictured it all around her, burning her, turning her to dust as she disappeared. “The dragon teleportation,” she called it.

At the night academy, in the headmaster’s office, Shang and the headmaster were conversing secretly…
“What do you mean?” Shang was saying.
“The person is your grandfather Samuel,” said another voice.
Vanessa was listening to the conversation from behind the wall, “that sounds like the headmaster; Shang’s father… what’s he talking about?” She whispered to herself and placed her ear near the wall to listen more.
“Grandfather Samuel? I thought you were the only family I ever had…” Shang was saying in a shocked voice.
“You do have a family, Shang. It’s a perfectly normal family except that it’s scattered around the globe. I have their contacts but I cannot contact them at the moment–”
“Why?” Shang asked, without even letting his father finish.
“You didn’t let me finish.” Shang didn’t say anything so he continued, “It’s that man you encountered tonight; Gale. I was watching you and Vanessa; I felt his presence in the forest so I decided to follow you. And I was right. It really was him…”
“But why did he attack grandpa like that?” Shang asked anxiously tapping his fingers on the table.
“It’s a long story Shang. And somebody is at the door at the moment…” The headmaster tilted his head towards the door and suddenly, as though he had used his dragon powers, the door flew open but there was no one there. “Come on in Vanessa.” He said and to Shang’s surprise, Vanessa really did come out from behind the wall slowly and entered the office. She shut the door behind her.
“You know you’re getting better at spying… take a seat.” The headmaster gestured towards the seats in front of his long table. Vanessa sat. She felt her heart thundering inside her. What punishment might the master have in stored for her since she had been caught spying on his conversation.
“You want a chocolate?” The master asked politely while Vanessa just shook her head but he opened his drawer and took out a whole box full of different kinds of chocolates. He picked out one and handed it to her, “Take it. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Vanessa just stared at the chocolate he was giving her. It was her favorite; because it contained nuts. How on Earth did he know which chocolate Vanessa liked? She took it anyway and kept it inside her palm.
“Aren’t you going to punish me?” She got to the point but the master just smiled at her.
“Eat it. I’m sure it’ll clear your mind. Now you and Shang can leave. I have a meeting in exactly five minutes. I’ll see you later, Vanessa.” His smile never seemed to leave his face when Vanessa was around. Shang wasn’t surprised. The headmaster had always treated Vanessa like his own daughter. He usually wondered what the reason might be but never could come up with anything.

That same night, Vanessa had the strangest dreams. She had eaten the chocolate before going to sleep and there had been a warning at the back of its wrapper.

Dark days are upon us. You must stay strong, Vanessa. Gale doesn’t know about you yet but he suspects you. You must be brave and focused and do not let fear get to you. I know you can do it.
Love mom.

What Vanessa didn’t understand was how a message from her mother in another dimension could reach the master. It was all so confusing and she would have to ask him about this later.
In Vanessa’s dream, she saw her real mother, Dawn, sitting with a small baby girl on her lap when suddenly someone crashes in her house and interrupts their mother daughter time. The trespasser here was the same hooded person and he looked rather scary. Vanessa still couldn’t see his face but it seemed like he wanted the baby girl Dawn was protecting.
“Mom, wait! Mom! He’s going to kill you, you have to run!” But Vanessa’s voice didn’t seem to reach her mother. And she woke up suddenly with a jerk.

“Vanessa, thank goodness you’re awake. You were yelling and screaming in your dream about someone coming to kill your mother…” Brawley spoke tiredly. He had just entered the room after hearing her screams. He seemed pretty worn out.
“It was… just a dream…” she whispered as she panted. Brawley nodded to that and told her what he had come here to tell her in the first place.
“Aunt Rose is sick today. She vomited twice this morning and I had to call my mom to come look after her and the house. You better get up because you’re doing the dishes today.”

Vanessa got up and washed her face. She changed from her night suit to her ordinary clothes and was just about to come downstairs when she heard voices. There were people talking in the room beside hers. She exited her room from the side door which led to a narrow path dividing her room from her mother’s. Through the window she peeked to see Aunt Rose lying on the bed, talking to Vanessa’s step mother, Clover.

Vanessa was good at over-hearing things and so she placed her ear against the wall and whispered to the dragon inside her. ‘Listen… Listen to what they’re saying…and tell me about it…’ The dragon responded to her request by sharpening Vanessa’s hearing senses enough so that she could hear perfectly what was being said inside.
“I’ve told you a million times, Clover. Vanessa doesn’t hate you. She loves you and just has a hard time showing it. She misses you guys when you’re away; all of you. Why don’t you ever talk to her? You both seem to keep a small distance from each other.” Aunt Rose was telling Clover.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. She knows she was adopted and she might never even count me as a mother again…” Clover sighed, rocking her chair childishly.
“Don’t you dare think like that!” Aunt Rose snapped, “Vanessa may be curious about her real mother but she isn’t running away or anything. She stays here and sometimes the way she talks it almost seems like she protects us or something… and I’ve had dreams about her doing that in the future…”
“Dreams? Tell me about those dreams of yours because your dreams usually come true.” Clover said anxiously.
“I see Vanessa fighting against someone with an evil aura. Vanessa’s aura is like a pure flame burning gracefully around her. She stands erect like a warrior and she is fighting to protect us; all of us. She loves us all dearly and you must never doubt that love.”
“I understand what you’re saying but… I can never imagine Vanessa fighting someone… what if she gets hurt, or worse, killed?”
“It’s, like she told us herself, her destiny…” Aunt Rose trailed off as she coughed a little. Clover quickly poured a glass of water for her and gave it to her. She drank it all.

Vanessa watched through the window. She could feel a sense of remembrance here. Before when she had tried to contact her real mother and ended up stuck between two dimensions, she had seen Aida on the bed, telling some sort of prophecy about Vanessa and Dawn had poured water for her when Aida had started coughing but it had been too late.

Then Brawley entered the room.
“How are you feeling now, Aunt Rose?” He asked politely.
“Thank you dear for calling your mother to take care of me and I am feeling much better.”
“Oh don’t mention it and it’s good that you’re feeling better now. You just take care of yourself Aunt Rose, and don’t worry about anything else right now.”
Aunt Rose smiled at him politely and then turned to Clover, “See? What did I tell you? There’s no need for you to worry about Vanessa. She’ll be fine.”
“I guess you’re right. I can now be certain that she’s in good hands.” Vanessa saw her mother smile whole-heartedly; a smile that reached her eyes. “I barely see her smile like that now days…” Vanessa whispered to herself.

Suddenly, there was a shadow above her. She whirled around and gasped.
Last edited by Twinkle4ever on Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.
You can wish for death... but you can't wish it away




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Great job! I really liked it! A bit confusing at the end, but that might just be me. I get confused a lot ;). Great second chapter! It was very interesting and not a bit boring. I can't wait to read more! Keep writing! :D
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again'

'Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar. I wonder if she's feeling well.
With a dreamy far off look.
And her nose stuck in a book' Something my best friend, Drew, said about me




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hello :D

I've become honed and streamlined in my method of reading pieces and picking out the small errors in grammar or punctuation or whatever that mere mortals miss (mwahahaha... I'm not actually big-headed, honest... although I've started doing that jokily-being-big-headed-for-laughs thing so much that some people think I am - oh whoops rambled again) but your piece - could you make more mistakes please!? There were like, none!! I want to be happy that you're an amazing writer who is also great at proof-reading their own work, but a little bit of me is miffed that I have less to say, because I'm always bowled over by other people's ideas for stories that I can't see any flaws, even if other people seem to see them.

I did however *smug grin* find two:

“Well you weren’t listening. Instead of answering me, you just yawned and it irritated me. I don’t really know what happened next; just that my hands felt really warm for a second and then your chair fell backwards…” Then realization hit her, “wait, did I do that?”

Here, ""wait, did I do that"" is a whole new sentence, and not connected to what was said before, so you want a full stop after "her" and a capital W on "wait"


But this little slip in power helped me with my act, thought Vanessa, even Amy seems fooled.

I'd recommend putting thoughts in italics as a matter of course - it means that the reader immediately knows this isn't narration. Also, I think a semi-colon after "Vanessa" would work better:
"But this little slip in power helped me with my act, thought Vanessa; even Amy seems fooled."

See? Virtually nothing to criticise. Blimey, you must be good :D

~*cottonrulz*~
Here's a story of a brother by the name of Othello,
He liked white women and he liked - green jello... - Reduced Shakespeare Company



I didn't know beards could do that ;)
— ShadowVyper