Midnight Dance

Darling, let's dance.
The owls and crickets coo,
the sky is dark with specks of color here and there,
so let's dance.
I'm sure you know of pricey pretty places
we could go, but you musn't worry,
because right here will do.
I'll wrap my arms around your waist,
and sink my head into your chest.
we don't need music,
but I know few nice tunes if you persist.
so come, won't you join me for a
midnight dance?

This is a really good poem, and I can't write poetry so I really enjoy reading it. And this entertained me.

I'm sure you know of pricey pretty places

I would add a comma in between pricey and pretty.
But other than that I found no problems, and I think adding a comma is more of preference, or maybe my grammar is wrong. Anyways, I really liked it so I'll read some of your other stuff because I liked this.

THIS WAS AWESOME O_O LOVE THIS PART O_O Darling, let's dance.
The owls and crickets coo,
the sky is dark with specks of color here and there,
so let's dance.

Hi there!

I love this poem. I feel the same way. I would much rather sit in the grass under a tree.

This poem flows very well and has great imagery. You painted a beautiful picture of a perfect night under the stars. You don't have any grammer or spelling errors so you're good there.

Good job with this! Keep writing!

Hi, Teddy!

[insert I'm-not-much-of-a-poet warning here]

I very much liked your poem. It was short and sweet. Your imagery was beautiful too. You painted an extremely gorgeous setting -- the picture was absolutely clear, and I loved it to bits.

Overall, I'd only mention the flow might need a touch-up. There were a couple points, which I'll point out in a minute here, that had me uneasy whilst reading.

the sky is dark with specks of color here and there,

I feel like this line went on longer than it should've!

I'm sure you know of pricey pretty places
we could go, but you musn't worry,
because right here will do.

I think the linebreaks and pauses here are what threw me off. The lines didn't quite tie together like they would as a simple sentence. But I must admit, I adore your use of alliteration in the first line here. <3

we don't need music,
but I know few nice tunes if you persist.

These two lines read funny to me, but that could be due to the non-capitalization and the missing article "a".

so come, won't you join me for a
midnight dance?

I really liked how this ended. It's an excellent tie to the beginning as well as the title. :]

But, uh. Yeah! That's all I really had to say. Just a couple nitpicks! This was beautifully written, so wonderful job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Good morning, Elinor Darling. Let’s dance.

I rather like this piece for what it’s worth—it’s short and sweet and paints a dazzling picture that really wraps you up in its romantic scape. Given that, I think you can do more justice for the romantic language. You have the imagery—now let’s see if we can touch up the sensation of your other senses, yes?

So the second line follows the first like a wrecking ball—for me, it just destroys the mood because I end up wondering how a cricket coos. I understand the softness of the sound, and the pairing of owls and crickets for a midnight sonata of sorts—however, I’d like to see you fashion this more into a serenade than a singular sound that one of the two animals doesn’t quite make. So perhaps it’s the word, “Coo”. Think of babies when I hear it. You think of romance. Tomato, tomahto.

“The sky is dark with specks of obscure details in obscure places”. While Jabber thinks this line went on too long, I think it took too long to say too little. How can you better paint the sky instead of “colors here and there”? Are there trails of comets over their heads? Something dazzling, something sweet—give it to me, pleeeease.

I like the coda here to “let’s dance.” It’s a remarkably good transition.

I’d change the line breaks in the next part a tad bit as such:

I’m sure you know of pricey,
pretty places we could go, but you musn’t worry, no comma
because right here will do.

I love the alliteration here, but the breaking wasn’t natural. It still may be a bit unnatural, but you can play around as you see fit. I’m not to keen on the passerby feel of “right here will do”. It just feels like filler to me, and I know you can do better than filler.

You touch on some nice tactile sensors in the next part for any reader who has danced that closely with someone—for me, at least, it takes me back to slow dancing for the first time; it has the scent of her perfume, the warmth of her skin, and even how my heart was racing the whole time.

Capitalize “We” and you’ll have my favorite two lines of the entire poem. It reminds me somehow of “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, just that flirty sort of “however you want, darling, I’ll charm you all night long” tickle of words. Wonderful. Capitalize “So” as well.

Beautiful job, dear. I don’t have anything else to say, but I hope this helped.

-Lumi