Homecoming for a Hero

The ground nearly shakes,
Full of a crowd's anticipation,
Bursting, rippling, repelling out,
Ready for their son to come home.

The clouds darken.
Crows scavenge the dead crowd.
Whispers, murmurs, rumors
of a tragic event
wash over the crowd.

Everyone turns away.
No one looks at the rain.
Bombs drop on heads
and heads fill with lead
as the son refuses to return home.

Forward through time.
Dust conquering all.
Ground hungry, devouring, starving.
No one left to remember,
remember, remember the son
whom is to thank for how
our new world begun.


Poem I wrote in class. Got bored of writing my story, so I wrote some appocalyptic poetry. Hope you enjoyed.

i Didnt Really Get It But i Got It At The Same time bit confused But i loved this part Everyone turns away.
No one looks at the rain.
Bombs drop on heads
and heads fill with lead
as the son refuses to return home.

Forward through time.
Dust conquering all.
Ground hungry, devouring, starving.
No one left to remember,
remember, remember the son
whom is to thank for how
our new world begun.

Hmm... This poem confused me. I got it at first but then at the end not so much. Criticism... I have a little bit:

TheWalkinDude wrote:Crows scavenge the dead crowd.
Whispers, murmurs,
rumors of a tragic event wash over the crowd.

I understood this I just didn't like how you repeated the word crowd. Maybe something like bystanders? or maybe people? Not important but yeah... every little thing helps!

TheWalkinDude wrote:Bombs drop on heads
and heads fill with lead

You didn't make the poem rhyme and then this suddenly does which is a little bit weird and sudden.

TheWalkinDude wrote:No one left to remember,
remember, remember the son

Why did you put remember down three times in a row?

Apart from that it was really good. My fave verse was:

TheWalkinDude wrote:The ground nearly shakes,
Full of a crowd's anticipation,
Bursting, rippling, repelling out,
Ready for their son to come home.

You showed just how excited everyone was in such a great way! I loved that. It also made me really interested in what would happen next! Keep writing and I hope this comment helped!

Deanie x

Hi there!

All my comments and such are in red:

TheWalkinDude wrote:The ground nearly shakes,
Full of a crowd's anticipation,
Bursting, rippling, repelling out,
Ready for their son to come home. great imagery in this stanza!

The clouds darken.
Crows scavenge the dead crowd.
Whispers, murmurs, rumors
of a tragic event
wash over the crowd.
I like the way you suddenly changed to a depressing tone (or mood, I can never tell which is which)

Everyone turns away.
No one looks at the rain.
Bombs drop on heads
and heads fill with lead again, great imagery here
as the son refuses to return home.

Forward through time.
Dust conquering all.
Ground hungry, devouring, starving.
No one left to remember,
remember, remember the son great use of repitition
whom is to thank for how
our new world begun.
This is a sad tale, but you did a good job making it sound appealing. You kept it upbeat and flowing and it was easy to follow.

Poem I wrote in class. Got bored of writing my story, so I wrote some appocalyptic poetry. Hope you enjoyed.

Good job! Keep writing!

I liked it! You caught me at the begining, and then talk about a mood swing! And then you got really violent! I was like "Holy cow!"(Excuse my weird way of telling you i liked it!)
At the begining, I think you used the word "crowd" to often, but other than that, good choice of words! Overall, really good job!
Keep writing!