This is a cute poem. A nice exercise in rhyming, was it? Actually, I picked it to review because it reminds me of some of my earliest poems. I used to do a lot of meditating and would then express some of my ideas into "poetry". If you wrote this as an expression of ideas, then there is not much for me to critique. Grammatically, spelling-wise, it is fine. You've got those ideas across. If that's all you were meaning to do, then this is great.
But if you're serious about poetry, then what you have here is only the first step. You've got ideas and you've connected them to images and you've even managed to rhyme (I love what you did: feeling alone/made of stone). This is all fine. The next step then, is to consider your audience. Consider your readers. We just so happen to be writers just like you. We want to feel what you feel when writing this poem. We want to connect with your piece. We want to read something memorable that will stick with us. See, that is what a good poem ultimately does (and so much more) in so few words.
Ultimately, this piece is shallow. It reads as an endless repetition of do you.../do you.../do you... without any real meaning or purpose. It jumps from image to image to image ( stone, to clouds, to sleeping, to pain...etc, etc) without stopping to capture the reader's interest.
So how do you capture the reader's interest? How can you make your piece mean something to someone else? You do it through story. You do it through images that tell a story. Instead of asking the reader if they've felt alone. Paint a picture. What would a picture of "alone" feel like? What would the "feeling" of loneliness look like? What does heartbreak sound like? A torn ligament. A broken zipper. Any of these images can be used for a poem. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
Try all these different approaches and see what you can come up with. And most of all, read more poems! Walt Whitman, William Blake, Langston Hughes...read, read, read! The more you read, the better your writing will become. Always practice writing.
I really liked it and I could definently relate to it. My only problems is at points the lines didn't flow together. The rythym of the poem was off at times and didn't set it. Poems usually have a beat that you can almost...dance to. I know it's a weird analogy but that's how I see poems as. It should have a very musical feel to it, and this one reminds of maybe a ballad. The rhyming was beautiful and i like the abab format. Other than that, keep up the good work. It just takes practice ^^
I like how this is put out and also like how it relates to some people...well at least I know I feel like this sometimes. I think if you add a little more feeling into more people would like it but that's just my option.
