Where angels often tread... (working title)

This is the beginning of another longer story I am planning so it really will fit into the fantasy category I swear.

(I am a dyslexic so I know I'm not good at spelling or punctuation. I am not looking for reviews on those anyway, I am looking for reviews on content and characters. Thanks for understanding. )

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Lizzie Sumter thought it was a bad idea getting into that car when she smelled the alcohol and saw the stupid smiles on her friends faces but she did it anyway. Sarah didn't seemed drunk, did she?


Lizzie Sumter was almost positive it was a very bad idea getting into that car when she saw the semi headlights coming straight at them. Sarah was just being a goof with all the weaving right?


Lizzie Sumter knew it was a bad idea getting into that car when she was ejected from it violently as the small car went rolling down the embankment. I never thought I would die like this, is it going to hurt when I hit the ground?


As Lizzie went flying though the air she watched the ground coming closer. She was able to make out every blade of grass, every rock and as she thought ruefully-every cigarette butt. It is just like in the movies, everything is in slow motion! She didn't feel anything except the wind rushing past her face.

Unlike in the movies, when she finally hit the ground, everything didn't go black- it went white.


...

Greetings! I'm here to review you, so buckle up!
So, you have trouble with grammar and punctuation? I'll go extra hard on you in that department *strokes beard* okay.
Oh wait! You do not wish for reviews on grammar. I see. Well then, I'll give reviews on content.. Maybe one comment on a grammar something.


Oh. This is short. I was all ready for a nice long review, and now I feel as if I can't give you one! Oh well, I'll give you comments on content anyway.

Lizzie's C. seems to have no emotion. And when I say none, I mean none. She gets in a car with her 'drunk' friends, and isn't scared or anything. She's like 'oh I know it's not a good idea now.'
The only thoughts we get is 'I never thought I would die like this'
Well, if I was flipping through the air, or my MC was, I would want a dramatic revelation or something to make it a little more interesting.

The content is short. We get no feel for her surroundings, no feel for the people around her, No feel for the pain and shock before it goes white. The only description we had, was at the end talking about grass.
We need to know how clean the car was, how many people were inside it, how oppressive the smell of drinks was, if the car was crowded or almost empty, how bright the car's headlights were that was heading towards them, how many mph they were going, I could go on and on. There is so much you can do with this, but you don't seem to be using it's full potential.

Another thing, how old are these kids? That's description that can be slipped in with dialogue, or thoughts so it's showing not telling.

Because your other problem is telling. You told everything, had no dialogue, and hardly any thoughts.

Your length.
Your aim should be for 1,000+ words every chapter. If you don't get that, it's fine, but that should be your goal.
Goal's are important. They keep you motivated. So make yourself a goal.
If you are aiming for a certain word count every chapter, let's say 600+ words to start out with, and you are like at 200, add description, add dialogue, add thoughts.
You'd be surprised how quickly you will reach 700.

That's all for now! Good luck and happy writing!
~Drama