My heart,
It bleeds for you,
Until it bleeds no more.
Deep down I know we never can be.
So slowly,
I'll fade away.
But in my heart I will never,
Ever,
Forget you.
My heart,
It bleeds for you.I think it would flow better if you had something other than a period here. Maybe a semicolon?
Until it bleeds no more.
Because deep down Possibly add a line break here?I know we never can be.
So slowly,
I'll fade away.
But in my heart I will never,
Ever,I love the never, ever. It adds such a touch of forever, of determination. It's like in a way you capture the whole poem with this line.![]()
Forget you.
Because deep down I know we never can be.I think you should eliminate the because.
So slowly,I think you should put 'So slowly, I fade away.'
I'll fade away.