Living in this world and seeing so many loved ones lost and noticing the wrongs I have made, really made me ask to god why would you leave me here? I know I sound crazy but it’s true I feel as if so many others should have my life, my body to do the things in life they deserve to do. Ever since I can remember there's been a lot of bad than good in my life if I had to measure it would be seventy bad and thirty good. The first bad was my parents having me, I mean what was the point if my pops was only trying to get a nut bust. Sound harsh but true. I remember my mother and I in the cold snow alone, going into a shelter; I always saw winter and the cold as the bad season. I was too young to understand but I knew me and her situation was not a good one. My father stayed off and on with my mom and my little brother. I hated it; I was around 2 when I just cried not wanting any one touching me. My mother couldn't stop the lonely tears in my eyes from crying and my father knew already not to even try. Than my Grandmother came to visit and I felt love ever since. As time went on I heard stories saying she didn't want to really be bothered with my mother’s child before I was born, but then she saw my big brown lonely eyes, I mean who can resist I was a looker, and though I didn't care too much for the guy my pops was a looker too. Any way it was like love at first sight with my grandmother and I. she showed me the attention others tried but couldn't. I felt so welcome in her arms it was like home. She must have felt the same because I was living with her ever since. Besides I am a Brooklyn baby it was only right to live in Brooklyn with a lady who cared. And to make things better I had a cool aunt who lived with us too.
SPOILED was my name everything I could possibly want in life I got. I was dressed in fly clothes, fresh haircuts the best books, and good food. I think that's why I carried the baby fat along some years. I use to tag along with my grandmother every where she went tugging on her night gowns never wanting to let her far from my sight. Don't get me wrong everything wasn't perfect; my grandmother had serious health issues. She was a diabetic, had asthma, heart issues and high blood pressure. It seems the worst happens to the best. I remember the first time she suffered a small stroke, at first it was me and her, until my big cousin came to give me a toy guitar. I use to love those things. But my grandmother started to scream saying she couldn't breathe. The screams made my heart feel so heavy. Only four and with no brain I ran and jumped on the bed. My cousin said it happens and took my grandmother outside for air she came in looking relieved while I was still scared holding my ears from the noise. My aunt was not home that night and I think that's when the problems started. My grandmother started to argue more with my aunt, she felt my aunt wasn't helping enough. As time continued my aunt and my grandmother argued back and forth but after a while my grandmother left her alone because of how my aunt looked out for me. My aunt made sure waves were in my head even when I didn't want it and most of all kept me into books and studying. Soon I having a connection with my mother faded especially when she barely came to see me. Don't get me wrong I love my mother I mean she tried and I cared but she broke so many promises of coming to see me I started not to care. I use to sit on my steps waiting for her and my little bro to come and they never did. By than my father that dumb ass left and so one saw him in years. One day my mother finally came and I realized I missed her in little ways. One night she told me we were going to see my other brother and sister. They both were older than me and then all of a sudden I remembered playing with them before I really stayed with my grandmother but I couldn't remember their faces. They lived walking distance, remember when I told you my father was a looker he knew it and used it to his advantage. When we knocked on the door no one was home so we left, than outside we saw my brother and sister mother she told us to come upstairs, when we got in there my father was lying on the bed. Here it was years since I seen his face and he's here. We stayed for a while and for the first time I talked to my father’s mother. She asked us how was we and everything but I can tell she didn't want to talk. And basically me either I was stressed and tired with nothing but thoughts. Did my mother know he was there? If so why would she bring us? And why that son of a bitch didn't come see me in like 3 years I was done at that time of 7 or 8that I had good for nothing parents. I went back home to my real family my aunt and grandmother the people who showed me love and attention. After while I notice what's ever good is not going to remain that way.
