uhhhhhhh. This is so confusing (and I'm being honest here) that I can't even put it into words. In the beginning there is no flow at all and then it starts to pick up a bit. And then that flow is totally dropped and then goes back and forth through like three different rhythms. The words were also very confusing, you seem to jump from one topic to the other too fast and because of the rhythm the reader looses focus quickly. I think that you were a little confused yourself on what you were writing about. I think this could be a very good poem if you cleaned it up a bit. Keep writing -Rayne
BE YOURSELF. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Two things are infinite: human stupidity and the universe; and I'm not sure about the universe
Don't tell me that the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon
This is a good poem. I understand the message you are trying to get through and you describe it very well. I think your lines are a little long and confusing. Maybe if you add some punctuation it'll be less confusing. If you chop up the lines into smaller ones it'll flow better too. Your spelling and grammer is good as well. There was only one thing I found to correct:
But maybe just maybe they are feeling sad too
You used the wrong form of the word 'to'.
Again, good job with this. Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.
Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright
Hello there. I, too, am a fellow christian and this is the second poem that I've read by you. What I will comment on is that this poem does have some flow issues. I would reread it and try to make it flow more. Read it out loud. But also read it in many different tones to see if it flows nevertheless the way you read it. What I will also say is that you seem to have a clear understanding of what you want to say but it doesn't really come out right. Well poetry is poetry so don't change it too much. Can't wait to read the other poems. Also read some poems of mine and tell me what you think. Keep writing and God bless.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate. -Nicki Minaj
