Wish You Were Mine

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Sometimes
I see you in my dreams
Don't know what it all means,
But I just say just continue dreaming

Somewhere
I see you in the stars
You's think it's so far
But the truth is that it's not that far right now

You're standing right next to me
(Next to me)
Maybe it's just meant to be
(Meant to be)
But there's someplace else where we'd
Belong to the rest
Oh-oh

(Don't give up)
Keep the passion intensified
And we'd stay alive
And although we've had our fights
I'd still wish you were mine..

I'd see you with the girl of your dreams
Yet you'd still make time for me,
Don't you know where you're supposed to be-e

On days I'd feel so insecure
Yet you'd make me so sure
That I'd feel alright

You're standing right next to me
(Next to me)
Don't you know that I can't breathe
(Yet it's meant to be)

(So don't give up)
Keep the passion intensified
An we'd stay alive
Don't keep the feelings inside
Or else it'll seem like we never tried
And although we've had our fights
I'd still wish you were mine

Look at all the stars we're seeing
But no one's believing
You'd think we got it alright

Look at all the sparks we're making
At all the risks we're taking
You'd still think we got it al..right.
Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you..

Name: Rie Torimaru
Message: READY TO ROCK YOUR WORLD!!!!




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Hey there!

I, actually kind of think that this is more of a song that a poem. Post this in the Lyrics section ^^

Okay, so nitpicks~

Somewhere
I see you in the stars
You's think it's so far
But the truth is that it's not that far right now


1. Somewhere? Doesn't quite fit.
2. You's?

On days I'd feel so insecure
Yet you'd make me so sure
That I'd feel alright


It should be be instead of feel.

Look at all the sparks we're making
At all the risks we're taking
You'd still think we got it al..right.


Alright is one word.

Well, I still think it should be posted in the Lyrics section. But, it was still good.

-JT
If I were to have a super power, it would be to time-travel, so that I could turn back time, and erase your very existence.




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Sometimes
I see you in my dreams
Don't know what it all means,
But I just say just continue dreaming
That is my favorite part it is mostly the first part that is the best I love it and keep up the godd work




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Points 1305
Reviews 170
Hey RieOngaku,

First off you have the wrong section. There is a section for lyrics! Which this definitely is a song not a poem.

As for the song it was okay. You have some mess ups.

Don't know what it all means,
But I just say, "just continue dreaming" Also I just say just. You don't need to repeat the word take out one of the just.

You's think it's so far You mean You'd ?
But the truth is that it's not that far right now This line is way to long. It messes up the flow.


But there's someplace else where we'd
Belong to the rest
Belong to the rest? The rest of what? You just confused me here.

Don't you know that I can't breathe This line is SO clique. I've heard it EVERYWHERE.
(Yet it's meant to be)


You'd still think we got it al..right.
All


Okay, some of your lines just don't make sense for your situation. At least not to me. Some places your song was really good, and some really clique. In the end I think it still needs work.

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo
Milestiba uzvar visu, Milestiba ir upuris.




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Points 946
Reviews 53
Sometimes
I see you in my dreams
Don't know what it all means,
But I just say just continue dreaming

Somewhere
I see you in the stars
You's think it's so far
But the truth is that it's not that far right now
That is my favorite part this could be a great song. I will surely follow you. Add me if you want to its okay if you don't



Poetry and prayer are very similar.
— Carol Ann Duffy