Universe of Hope

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Tonight, I danced with fireflies. I ran around in aimless circles, twirling with them and watching them blink. I was floating, it seemed, on a cloud of flashing beads of light, gliding through the crisp midnight air. They whisked me away on a five minute fairytale.
The night sky above me was a rich midnight blue with small splatters of twinkling lights all around, shining down in a spotlight just for me. The Big Dipper was positioned right above the crown of my head, and was partially obscured by a cottony cloud. The cloud, darkened by the loss of the sun but illuminated by the presence of the moon, contrasted the soft color of the sky with a light indigo blue. The grass, damp beneath my feet, was nearly black. The trees created silhouettes around me, adding to my little universe where only I and my dreams existed.
The night was completely silent except for the shy chirps of the crickets and my soft breaths. The quiet stillness of the air only added to the nighttime enchantment. The air surrounding me smelled of freshly cut grass and a warm summer rain. My skin was at a comfortable state, slightly moist in the humidity of the air. As I breathed in, the magic was so thick around me, I could taste it.
The trees surrounding me blocked the road that others traveled from me, letting me see in a way that only I could, even just for a few short moments. In my short-lived fairy-tale, I finally saw what all the authors see when they look around them. I didn’t see despair or hopeless attempts at trying to achieve dreams; I saw a world where anything is possible if you just believe hard enough. I saw the magic floating around me, penetrating every last pore of me and my surrounding world, making everything truly beautiful.
I had been given a real-life fairy-tale. It may not be the one where I live happily ever after and in love, but it’s the one where I am given hope and determination to help me fulfill my dreams. That night, for the first time in a long time, I started to believe again.
Last edited by letlovefly123 on Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
~brooke~




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This story was breathtaking. I felt right there with you dancing in the fireflies. You have a way with describing something really well. I hope to read more from you. Though, some metaphors and similes are over used. I would try to look for some new ones that nobody has used before.

Again, great piece. Wish you luck with your writing. ~




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I ran around in aimless circles, dancing with them and watching them blink.

I would change the second dancing to something else - twirling, perhaps? You've already said you're dancing, we get it.
letting me see in a way that only Ican could,


Alright, those were just a few nitpicks. Moving on. This is, well, magical. The description was well done, I could imagine the scenery quite clearly. Cute little story, but it didn't go anywhere. Nothing wow-worthy really happened. It has more of a poem feeling to it. But, jolly good show!
"So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads."
— Dr. Seuss




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Hey Letlovefly,

I loved your imagery in the beginning! It was really good. The way you described things, I feel like you wrote thing as a descriptive short story. I do suggest adding your emotions from the experience. There was one small issues I saw :

and was partially obscured by a cottony cloud.
should be partly.

Your story has a very poetic sense about it. Maybe you should try writing a poem of your experience! I would enjoy reading it!

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo
Milestiba uzvar visu, Milestiba ir upuris.




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Great job Girl!
PotterheadFranklinArthurMacKenzietheFourth<3



Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
— Ellen Degeneres