MY YWS

The world that nursed my hope
In you I found my place
Pen wrapped in fingers embrace
My fears are left to grope

My words come alive
It has found its voice
With pen and paper
I'm not afraid to dive

My thoughts are sown
My words are born
Yet another plus
I hear the world's applause

A great army has emerged
Armed with pen...mightier than the sword
Conquering hearts with the word
We are Young Writers Society.

Very dedicated. I really like it, it really describes how I feel towards YWS as well.

This is exactly how I felt when I joined. It's really brilliant, and I'm not just saying that because I prefer Lyric Poetry:). If I'm right, you can let all of your feelings go and Just write and feel like you belong. Maybe not, but maybe so. I write to feel better, let it all go so that it doesn't hurt anymore. This is really good, and of the few people I know on this site for the web, this captures their feelings perfectly. Kudos.

Hey there, Dolwright.

I loved reading your poetic take on the Young Writers Society. ^-^ It's always interesting reading users tributes to the site. We get quite a bit of that sort of stuff I noticed, and every time I find myself drawn to read what the different posts are like. So inevitably here I am again, who would've thunk. xD

So the overall message of the poem seems to read out nice and bold. It had its own sort of catchiness in places, which I liked. You weren't so often going for the cliche "this is why I love YWS", you stuck with the poetic essence that rings true to the mind when taking in the words. My favorite two lines were the two in the middle of the first stanza. The rhyme scheme was way off though noticed, so it sort of left me picking out the lines I loved best like that, and setting aside the others that didn't make so much sense being put together.

On the first stanza you have hope, place, embrace, grope as your rhyming words at the end of each line. The pattern isn't very smooth at all. It's sort of like a 1, 2, 2, 1 pattern. Here's what I mean, color coded to fit the pattern:

The world that nursed my hope
In you I found my place
Pen wrapped in fingers embrace
My fears are left to grope

It'd probably sound a lot more symmetrically sound if you had it written in a 1,2,1,2 or 1,1,2,2 type of pattern, if that even makes sense how I'm attempting to explain it by color coding. If not I apologize dearly!

The rhyme patterns you have going on aren't consistent, I guess is my basic point. The fashion in which you worded things was beautiful broken apart, but put together like this it just doesn't sound smooth in my head. This can be very distracting. The first rhyme pattern went 1,2,2,1 and then in the second stanza it completely flipped into a whole new pattern of 1,2,3,1. Like so:

My words come alive
It has found its voice
With pen and paper
I'm not afraid to dive

Almost as if you were attempting to rhyme where it was convenient to. The last word of the third line was random and completely off key to the rhythm of things. I guess I'd mostly just like to see you fix up a solid rhyme scheme or either just leave it out completely. Your words overall were simple and rang with genius, that there's probably no real need for the rhyme if you let your thoughts lead the way into the direction of your writing of this poem. But that's just my opinion on the fact.

Anyhoo, I just thought I'd make a point to pointing out the single thing that most stuck out to me as a flaw with this poem. Other than the scheme, I really quite liked it. The ending sounded triumphant sort of. I liked it. I just wish it read off a bit smoother in an overall sense.

-Smylin'

Thanks SmylinG; I understand. I'm not really good with rhymes; but it's something I'm working on.