Prologue
The first time I saw him, he was walking down the hall on the first day of school for the 10th grade. His hair was a natural blue-black and he had green eyes. I loved those eyes. He scared me a bit, I’d never seen someone so different before. I later learned that I had the right to be scared, because he wasn’t just different, he was literally a psychopath.
1
“Now you have no one left,” he said his eyes blazing.
I could hardly hear him through my non-stop bawling, I would cry until I had no tears left. Maybe not even then.
He crouched down beside me, I could feel his hot breath on my skin even in the midst of all the smoke.
“Come with me. Now. We have to leave before the smoke gets any thicker,” he tugged my arm
I did not want to go with him. Who knows what would happen to me. But I did go. Because somewhere deep down I knew, that he could do much worse than this. And I didn’t want to find out what that could be.
2
That first night, he raped me. And I have to say, it didn’t come without pleasure.
3
I woke up an hour after I had let myself fall asleep, 3:00a.m. It was dark and I could see nothing but I was sure of three things. 1: he was there lying next to me 2: I was hand cuffed with one wrist to the bed 3: the key was in his shirt pocket.
September- Algebra Class
“Hi, how are you doing?” he said sitting next to me.
“Good. Are you the new kid?” I smiled back.
“Yup. Ryan Thomas, and you?”
“Allison Winters. Nice to meet you,” I shook hands with him. I remember thinking, I’m holding his hand!
He was tuned away from me and it was my left hand cuffed to the bed. No matter what, I wasn’t able to reach far enough. So I stayed up all night praying that in his sleep he might turn over. He didn’t. I don’t think God exists.
September- Homecoming Dance
I was sitting on the side, drinking the punch that tasted like apple juice watered down when a slow song came on. And as I watched my best friend and her boyfriend leaning against each other, Ryan came up to me. He held out his hand.
“May I have this dance?” his green eyes glistened.
I was still very much swept off my feet by him then, so I accepted.
A new song came on once we got onto the dance floor, a faster one. We both looked at each other and smiled at the irony. He was determined to keep the moment though, so we slow danced through the fast song.
The first light filtered in at 6:30 through a small window that I had already decided that I couldn’t fit through. It was also the first time he stirred. And I pretended to be asleep as he got up so very casually and went into the bathroom.
September- After Homecoming
My friend and her boyfriend left from the dance without me. My parents were out of town and I scrambled to find a ride.
“I’ll drive you home,” Ryan said coming up to me, “ that is if you need a ride.”
I hesitated a bit but decided that he was my only option.
“Yeah, that’d be great.”
“Come on, my car is over here.”
And he didn’t come back to bed, as if he had completely forgotten I was there, as if the deed he had done the night before had totally slipped his mind.
4
I tried not to scare myself with the thoughts of what could happen. Would he kill me? But I couldn’t think of anything else, I wouldn’t let myself. Anything else would be too painful.
October 9th- my birthday
I was walking down the hallway on the way to his locker. Him and I had become friends but I was really no longer attracted to him. Except for his eyes, I loved those eyes.
I wanted to invited him to a movie and bowling with a couple other of my friends.
“Hey,” he greeted, not looking up. Ryan was bending over putting the last of his books away.
“Hi Ryan. I wanted to know if you wanted to come to like a birthday party for me tonight.”
He looked over and smiled, “You didn’t tell me today was your birthday. How old?”
“16,” I gushed.
“Sure I’d love to come. What time?”
“4:30p.m its at 1535 Oakwood Avenue.”
“I’ll be there. But don’t be mad at me if I buy you a lousy gift.”
I remember laughing.
At 8:30a.m. he came back into the room and stared at me. His shirt was off and his hair was wild. I wondered if he was remembering last night. If he memorized every inch of me so he could play it back in his mind for countless years. But most of all I wondered, would he do it to me again?
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” was all he asked and it made me furious.
What was I now? A pet that relied on others to be able to use the bathroom? He was taking away my rights now, he had already stolen everything else.
I nodded, but I really didn’t have to go. He bent down and whispered, “If you try anything I will make sure you regret it.”
I nodded sheepishly again, as he took the key I so desperately desired and unlocked me. Ryan took a sheet and wrapped it around me to cover my naked body.
I could tell that he was standing by the door the entire time I peed. And I pretended to wash my hands while rummaging through the cabinets looking for something to use as a weapon. I could find nothing.
He knocked on the door when he realized I was taking to long to wash my hands. I wet my palms a bit and dabbed them with a towel. He had the handcuffs ready when I opened the door and slapped them on my left wrist again and clamped the other to the bed.
He laid next to me playing with my brown hair. I had to close my eyes.
October 9th- My birthday (night) 8:57p.m.
My friends were gone and it was only Ryan and I in the basement finishing the last remaining pieces of the pizza.
“Are you ever going to go home?” I joked.
“Maybe never,” he said taking a bite, “its lonely there.”
“Don’t you live with your parents?” I asked immediately regretting it after.
“They’re um,” he looked down, “ the passed.”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
I am no longer sorry.
“Tell me you love me,” he whispered in my ear, “ because I love you.”
“I love you,” I said weakly, barely audible.
He kissed me on the cheek, “Good.”
My cheek tingled a bit after the kiss. I imagined a flesh eating virus spreading through me, I so wished that’s what it was.
“I want to get married.”
My eyes shot open. I wanted to talk some sense into him. That we were only sixteen and no one would marry us this soon. Or that we might not be able to afford it. But I couldn’t bring myself too. I was to scared to even imagine saying anything that he wouldn’t want to hear.
“Yes,” I choked, “let’s get married.”
5
He went away after that and came back an hour later with a carton of Chinese food for me. I didn’t know those places would be open so early. He let me get dressed, he helped me into my clothes. His touch was still so foreign that like the kiss, the places he touched tingled after.
I ate slowly while he watched me as I pretended to enjoy his presence.
His eyes lit up when he got an idea or was excited. They scared me when they got like that, he looked dangerous and dark. But you know what they say, the eyes are the windows to the soul and his soul was definitely dark.
October 23rd- His birthday
He called me at my house.
“Do you want to go to a movie with me tonight? You know its my birthday.”
I could hear him smile over the phone.
“Yes, I’ll come. What theatre?”
“Viewpoint Theatre 6:00.”
“See you then.”
I remember thinking afterward that I might be starting to like him again.
“We should elope,” Ryan said opening up a phone book.
I stopped eating.
“We shouldn’t,” I winced. I hadn’t meant to say anything.
He looked up, “Why not?”
“We should wait until we’re 18 and get married here in Rogers City,” I hesitated.
“No,” Ryan shook his head, “ I want to go to Kentucky or Kansas or wherever we can go to get married now.”
He reached for my hand, “if you truly love me as much as I love you, and I know you do, then you will want to belong to me ASAP.”
My voice cracked, “right.”
6
That night, he raped me again. But this time I couldn’t bring myself to scream.
October 23rd- His birthday (night)
After the movie and after dinner he thanked me for coming and asked for only one more favor.
“What’s that?” I laughed.
His eyes got intense with an mix of emotions I couldn’t recognize.
“Alli, will you be my girlfriend?”
I had said yes.
I don’t remember why I did.
After ward, his breaths were heavy. Mine, were quiet and shallow. Somehow I had let a tear escape from me, and before I could stop it Ryan wiped it away.
“You aren’t happy?” he asked so sweetly it was sickening.
I knew if I spoke that it would cry, so I just looked at him and smiled. He smiled back and kissed me on the lips.
I hated his smile.
October 24th- Saturday
He held my hand the first time on the pier looking out over the water. His hand was warm and mine was could.
“Don’t you love this?” Ryan asked inhailing a big breath of fresh air.
I nodded, “Yes. Its beautiful isn’t it?”
He decided to take advantage of the moment.
“You’re beautiful.”
I blushed because I thought it was cute. And then I awkwardly laughed when he put his arm around me. I thought I was special because I belonged to him.
I don’t want to belong to him.
When he pulled away from the kiss he wrapped his arms around me. I felt like puking.
“I’m all you have left,” he breathed.
And who’s fault is that?
“You can either be happy with me or be happy dead.’
I’d take death over him any day.
I was hooked from the first line i must say =.= Keep up the good work!