It Had To Be Done

Spoiler

This was written for the 150 words contest. My theme was "justifying revenge, or redemption." I found this kind of hard to squish down into 150 words - originally it was 172, so I had a brilliant time trying to figure out what to get rid of. Either way, all comments are appreciated, please enjoy... if you can?

edit: oops, 149 words. Well, let me figure out how to add #150. xP edit 2: word "150" is 'softly!' -gigglesnort- edit #3: Stupid me, it can be 149 words. Whatever. :'p -changes back to 'murmurs'- edit #4: 150 words again. xD

Fresh tears run down her face, burning her cheeks before disappearing into the night air. Her hands are shaking, and his are bloody. Desperately, she tries to convince herself that he's innocent; the blood on his hands is not blood at all.

His eyes tell a different story.

"Marie," he murmurs. "It had to be done."

She shakes her head, "No, you killed him, you-"

"It had to be done," he insists, but his own hands have started vibrating uncontrollably. Dark shadows highlight the feral look on his face, and she's terrified. "Marie, you know it had to be done!"

"Why? He didn't deserve it, Shawn, he-"

"He killed her."

And suddenly it's clear.

"He killed our daughter, Marie! What else should I have done?"

She stops shaking. The terror disappates.

Of course. Because it had to be done.

The bastard killed her, she thinks.

And suddenly, she forgives him.

Hello Cairo.

This was pretty good, I only have a few little nit picks to point out.

One:

Fresh tears run down her face, burning her cheeks before evaporating into the night air.

How do tears evaporate? Perhaps a change of the word "evaporating" will help here. Maybe something like 'dried in the night air'. I'm not sure, but evaporating just doesn't seem to fit here.

Two: There is repetition of the phrase "It had to be done" in the beginning. I'm just wondering if this was intentional or not.

Three:

The bastard killed her, she thinks.

And suddenly, she forgives him.

The way these two are sentences are worded it makes it seem as if you're saying the woman forgave the killer. Because the killer, "the bastard", was the last noun mentioned other than the woman it means that the next time someone uses 'him' it will apply to the last male mentioned, the killer.

I have no idea what that rule is called and I can't find a good example for you, so I'm sorry.

Other than that I think this is really well written and I liked it. I'm guessing Shawn was a boyfriend or something, but I'm confused as to why he killed their daughter exactly. Oh well, I suppose this is all I get for 150 words.

OnigiriChan

Woah, did it seem like Shawn killed his daughter? Hmm. Must go back and change that. It was supposed to be like he killed someone else - took revenge on them - for killing their daughter. :'o Thank you for the review. Also, the repitition of "it had to be done" was intentional.

Hmm. Trying to figure out how to change the last two lines. :c

Harro, Cairo ^-^
The beginning was very promising, and very well written.

Fresh tears run down her face, burning her cheeks before disappearing into the night air. Her hands are shaking, and his are bloody. Desperately, she tries to convince herself that he's innocent; the blood on his hands is not blood at all.
His eyes tell a different story

I loved the feel of “What’s going on?”. It was really interesting, but once her name, Marie, was spoken, I felt like it became very “real”. Not that that’s bad thing, but it was very mysterious and dark before that.

But over all I thought it was pretty good ^-^ It has promise.
Good luck ^-^

Hey Cairo!

One grammar issues :

She stops shaking. The terror disappates.

dissipates

I really liked yours. It actually told a story, and I loved it. Things are fine with being short as long as they are good.

Thats all! Nicely done!

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo

Wow nice work,
Leeeeet's go!

xoCairo wrote:Fresh tears run down her face, burning her cheeks before disappearing into the night air. Her hands are shaking,and his are bloody. Desperately,She tries to convince herself that he's innocent; the blood on his hands is not blood at all.

His eyes tell a different story.

"Marie," he murmurs. "It had to be done."

She shakes her head, "No, you killed him, you-"

"It had to be done," he insists, but his own hands have started quakingvibrating uncontrollably. Dark shadows highlight the feral look on his face,; andshe's terrified. "Marie, you know it had to be done!"

"Why? He didn't deserve it, Shawn, he-"

"He killed her."

And suddenly it's clear.

"He killed our daughter, Marie! What else should I have done?"

She stops shaking. The terror disappates.

Of course. Because it had to be done.

The bastard killed her., she thinks.

And suddenly, she forgives him.

hmm, I don't like the conclusion. It's like you ran out of words and thought ' How can I tie this up a neat little bow' And it is abrupt, you don't provide enough insight or explanation. It just comes out of no where. You could have foreshadowed this,

'I would learn to love him again, somehow.'

I don't know. In any case this is great, your prose is almost flawless and the dialogue was seamless and quite real. I did enjoy this, I think you were given one of the better themes. It is not really limited to violent acts though, and most seemed to take this path. You could redeem yourself for raising your kids in a hostile environment, you could redeem your country in a volley ball tournament. It is literally that vague and open, so in a way I was disappointed by all the death and violence that this theme produced. But your story telling makes up for it, easily.
Well done!