Progressive

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Everybody is in line for a shot. The posters on the wall support this shot, calling it “good for your health” “good for long-term” “can make you happier”.
The people who have already gotten the shot are a little flustered, but they are calm. Almost none of them regrets getting the shot. Some regret the timing, or the doctor they selected to administer it. But rarely (if ever) do they truly regret it.
The people on the other side, who have not yet gotten the shot are a little nervous. They know the risks that come with the shot, but the posters on the wall reassure them that it’s all worth it.

There is one problem: the town’s local government decide that the money these shots are them is too much. Some of the officials say they should make getting this shot illegal. Of course, the group won’t go with this. Some say they should make restrictions on getting the shot. This is considered, but the idea is done away with. At the end of the meeting, the decides on something else. Instead of forcing the public to give the shot up, they could implant the idea into their head so they think the idea is “original” and came from themselves.

So they change the posters. Some posters hint at the time wasted on getting the shot. Others talk about money and insurance, and how expensive this shot really is. Some more posters talk about pain relief; hinting at how painful getting a shot is. A few posters talk about the minuscule number of people who have suffered severely, even died due to this shot.
The people who haven’t gotten the shot start to get more nervous and fearful, while the people who have gotten this shot don’t complain much and are just fine. The ones who haven’t are becoming increasingly anxious. They begin to wonder if taking the shot is worth it at all.
The local government notices this. They become excited. Still, after a while, nothing happens. People continue getting the shots. The people who are skeptical about the shot but still get it say that they do because this is the “normal” or “natural” thing to do, and people have been getting it for such a long time.

The government officials are a little disappointed, but they know what they have to do.

They start replacing some of the new posters with even newer ones. These have almost nothing to do with getting a shot. These are so random that people pay more attention to them than to the others.
These posters talk about individuality. The goodness of being different. The “awesomeness of the underdog”. They allude to things like creativity, and “thinking outside the box”. They talk about famous people who have clearly thought outside the box, people like Albert Einstein and Martin Luther King. People like Isaac Newton and Mahatma Gandhi.
The people waiting in line being to “think differently”.
What’s so important about the shot, anyway? they think. Why have people always done this? Have people really been so brainwashed about this topic? For so long? This wastes their time, money and is painful!
Over half of them walk out, glad that they have finally succeeded in “thinking outside the box”
They congregate outside and call themselves *progressives.
Last edited by mistielovesyou on Mon Aug 15, 2011 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
mistura is awesome and she loves you




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Points 2162
Reviews 64
Whoa, the government did something GOOD? What madness has stricken this world? Just kidding. I thought this was an extremely interesting piece, seeing as how you never told us the conflict. A group is administering these shots that brain wash people and the government is trying to stop it? Yet they don't intervene through the use of force but propaganda? That's what I'm getting. I would really like to know more of the background story. Especially why the government doesn't force people to give up the shot or make it illegal. More specifically, you need to tell people what the shot is. Though to not ruin the mood and style of writing, you could put it at the end. In my mind, this shot could be a placebo of water for all I know.

Though my biggest issue might be the transitions between each new "poster". Most notable is the last one. People began to think differently and then just leave? Make it small first, then an uprising. "Whispers begin to emit from one mouth and spread to another. Questions arise." and then half the group can walk out. That way it doesn't seem so unnatural. Also, what is the time length for this? I feel like it takes place in a day, but obviously it takes place in a series of weeks or months. You should also mention that the other half of the people begin to doubt their decision to get the shot as well, or at least mention their fate. Lastly, I don't like the ___________. I know you're giving us free choice to make up a name, but honestly I can't make one up. They could be 'The dogs' or 'Fallen Angels of Heaven that Fight to Re-unite Loved Ones'. It leaves too much free roam. At least make it ellipses so that it implies that you have an answer in YOUR mind, but simply aren't telling us.
If words are just letters put together, why do we decide on what they mean?

I step away from the grammar to review the story.

I don't do poetry.




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Points 1147
Reviews 374
There's a few spelling/grammatical errors, but not too many. I like the story. I might just be me, but I'm not sure if the shot is good or not. It doesn't really seem to do anything. Is that right? I agree you should put what the shot is at the end. I don't like the _________ at the end either. You expect us to put progressive in there, right? I'm not in love with it. Hope this helps! :)
-tgirly
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel



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