Mirror

I raised my right hand. Then my left. Something was off. I had awoken to my regular alarm, got up, taken a shower, and brushed my teeth and was about to go eat breakfast when I noticed something wrong with my mirror.
I didn’t really know how do describe it. It still showed my sink, my shower, and my toothbrush lying on the counter next to my towel. And there was me. Yes, it still showed me, my blonde hair in a ponytail, my big brown eyes staring back at me. And yet, for some reason, when ever I turned my back, I felt like I was being watched.
“Kelly, you’re just imagining things and should just shut up and ignore yourself,” I said aloud. I turned around and walked out the door to go get breakfast, when I remembered I left my watch on the counter.
I walked back inside. My watch wasn’t there. I looked on the ground and there it was.
“Hmm.” I leaned down to pick it up. “I wonder how it got down there.” I turned to look in the mirror one last time before going on with the rest of my day, and nearly screamed.
My reflection was gone.
It was missing. The counter was still there. And so was the shower. But I was gone. I looked down at myself to make sure I wasn’t vanishing from reality. I was still there, thank goodness.
“Maybe my mirror’s broken.” I said. But, of course that was ridiculous. Mirror’s couldn’t be broken, not like that. They just reflected things. Right?
I looked back up after being satisfied that I was still there. My jaw dropped. I backed up against the wall, dropping my watch. I moved my hand up to my mouth to hold back a scream of terror.
Written on the mirror in what looked like blood, were three words.
I’m watching you.
I whipped around. I had to leave as fast as possible. I grabbed the door handle and shook it. It was locked. I screamed again and kicked the door. I moved my foot back, about to break it down when I see something in the handle.
A face, bloody and beaten, stared back at me with dead eyes. It smiled, showing it's black and rotting teeth, and then it was gone.
I backed up. There was no way I was touching that door after seeing that. I looked around. "This is a prank? Isn't it? Huh? Are you having fun?" I shouted to nobody. "Let me out!" I banged against a wall. My shower turned on and off. The lights started to flicker. "Stop it!" I screamed one last time, and then it was dark.
I could only hear my breathing, heavy and shattered. "Hello?" Something grabbed my shoulder. I screamed again and whipped around lashing out, hoping to hit whoever was doing this, and came face to face with the mirror.
One of the lights flickered back on. I stared at myself, my hair falling out of it's ponytail, my eyes wide in panic, and a tall, bloody person, standing over my shoulder, smiling at me visciously.
And then it goes dark for the last time.

Definitely creepy, but it didn't make me scream. I read far worse. But no offense

I think this would have been much better if it were a little longer. This is far too short and you certainly could have expanded it more. Give more description on what the girl looks like and maybe even add some events. Unless of course this is supposed to be this short for like a contest or something. If that's the case you did a wonderful job and this is the best I've read by far.

“Kelly, you’re just imagining things and should just shut up and ignore yourself.” I said aloud.

That should be a comma instead of a period.

“I wonder how it got down there?”

That wasn't exactly a question.

“maybe my mirror’s broken.” I said.

Need a capital and also another comma instead of a period. That's a rule of diaolgue.

“I’m watching you.”

This should be either capalized or italised. They were written so it looks much better. But I suggest capalizing it because it would add to the theme more.

Overall nicely done and I enjoyed a simple little thing to read

I've gotten over myself - and turned on a lamp. So, on to the review now. I will try not to repeat anything Miss Stargazer has already noticed.

...go eat breakfast when I had noticed something wrong with my mirror.

The word "noticed" is already in past tense, the adding of the word "had" does not help in saying that this was in the past. It actually hurts your sentence. I wish I could give you an example but all escape me at the moment. In my defense, it is 6:20 A.M.

I turned around and walked out the door to go get breakfast, when I remembered I had left my watch on the counter.

Delete the comma, it puts an unnecessary break in you sentence and disrupts the flow. Also, you use "had" when unneeded again. Perhaps it is only me who thinks of this as wrong. As a precaution I suggest you ask someone else to get a second opinion. But still I suggest you read this out loud and see what works best for you, ne?

Written on the mirror in what looked like blood, I read three simple words.

There is something about the way this is written, something odd that I can't specify for the life of me. Since I fail to explain this to even myself I can not explain it to you. All I can give you is what my brain is saying it should be: Written on the mirror in what looked like blood were three words.

You say "I read three words" which does not follow up the phrase before it "Written on the mirror" and it causes the sentence to be awkward. I can only hope you understand what I am trying to explain. I also apologize for not being able to write down my thoughts in a more comprehensible way.



This gave me the chills, which may or may not be because of the horror movie I'd just finished.

You have a tendency to chop up your sentences and it makes your piece read very choppy. I suggest going in and reading this out loud to yourself again to get a sense of what it sounds like. Other than that this was very interesting to read and well put together. I'd like to believe that if this were not a contest there would be more detail and expression.

Hello icebender.

Since the two people above me handled just about every mistake I noticed I will be content to simply leave my thoughts on the piece. For one, it was slightly creepy but a bit cliched in a way that I knew there was going to be something written on the mirror - or herself doing things in the mirror that she wasn't doing herself. No, don't get me wrong, I honestly liked it! It was a fun read.

I do agree with ReisePiecey on the choppy sentences comment. I think that if you combined a few of those fragments this entry would flow smoother.

That is all I really have to say so bye!

That was awesome
I mean it!
I think that you could have, however, improved the ending. I know that the idea was basically for the reader to make up their own minds about what is going on, but you could have added a little bit more, so that the reader can have more of an understanding of... you know... what's going on.
I see an epic - and pretty unique piece of description here but I can't really see much of a story going on.
The ending that you've used is little bit too unexplained - and the last little sentence, just the last part... it seems a little bit cliché to me.
But to be honest, I'm just nit-picking right here.
All that I would have really wanted was for this to be longer - you're very good at writing

Thank you for all of your comments! They really helped me!
I did make this for a contest, BTW, and, in light of all your comments, I will make it longer, and way more creepy!
Thanks again!
Icebender28