Mirror, Mirror.

As I stare into the mirror of Erised - I don't see my 20 year old self. I see a man surrounded by computers, people discussing their ideas excitingly, pictures of video game concepts hung up on walls.

In one of the computer cubicles I am designing a game, a character based around me; my personality, my looks and the game looks brilliant... I show what I designed to others they think the idea is awesome! They start showing it to other people and they all cheer in sheer joy!

I then start telling other people how the game should be made; the monsters, the level design, the marketing, etc. Everyone gets to work and then one day I walk into a shop and see my game sitting on the shelf. And I point to that game and tell myself that is what our team made and it was the best video game ever!

I then get phone calls for various other game companies wanting to employ me, fans discussing the game on forums and fan-mail telling me ideas on what the next video game should be about!

As I turn away from the Mirror of Erised I feel more confident in myself and hope that one day I could achieve that dream - it might be a simple desire, but I think the ability to make one's own video game and be proud of it is a good desire to have.
Especially if you're the main character xD

Haha, I love this. I have to ask is that a real desire of yours? It seems like such a good one.

You have two little mistakes:

a character based around me, my personality

I think it should be a semi-colon instead of a comma.

I then start telling other people how the game should be made, the monsters

Same problem as before.

And thats all I can find. This is really good. I can't actually find anything else to say about it except for great job! If you have any queries PM me or post something on my wall, Midnight x

Sweet. Now I want to call my friends to play Dungeons and Dragons.

This could grow to be a cool essay. Keep the idea.

I see this for a contest, so was it just about describing what someone saw in the mirror? If it was, awesome job! I really get what the man wants. I also love how in the end he isn't depressed because of what he saw in the mirror. He's inspired! In Harry Potter the Mirror of Erised was always said for Harry because his parents were dead. This was a nice change.

I feel that this a little candid, as though you are just talking about what you want rather than crafting a story around the focal point (the mirror of Erised).
I terms of Harry Potter relevance I feel it falls a little short, I can't see that anyone in the wizarding world would be interested in gaming and the mirror seems a little more benevolent than it should.

I personally would go back to the drawing room with this, I know you might be limited by the word count but if you were really creative this has the potential to be manipulated into something more striking. Maybe muggles have somehow found a way to aquire the mirror and the person who spearheaded the operation is seeing what he truly wants from life and he could look away at the end but be drawn back and sit before the mirror to watch himself, just for a few more moments. The ending would be more logical in terms of continuity with the Harry Potter arc and would resonate a little more.

Anyways, mine is just one opinion and everyone else seems to like it so follow your vision and I wish you the best of luck.

Brilliant. I really relate to this. It seems so breezy but my entry is terrible so I'm one to talk, yeah right. Anyway, the point of the contest was not necessarily to reference Harry Potter, so don't worry about that, and also, it doesn't matter if the "wizarding world" would be interested in gaming...it's your desire it's supposed to portray.

I genuinely feel like taking the above commenter's advice would lessen the value of the work, especially since the contest rules are a lot lighter than that. Sorry, above commenter!

Perhaps if you offerered some real advice or perspective people woud be able to grow as writers and benefit from other peoples standpoints. I don't know the specifics of the contest as they are not stated in the original post but if someone is going to cite Harry Potter as inspiration for it then I think it would be safe to assume that people would like it to reference the story realistically. I'm sure there are other people out their who argree and others who don't as I stated above. The point of this site isn't to tell people what they want to hear but offer them something constructive, which at your age I would think you would appreciate, so please don't disregard other peoples opinions.

Thank you for your feedback Midnight, I made the corrections.

Escape, as for your comment about:

"I terms of Harry Potter relevance I feel it falls a little short, I can't see that anyone in the wizarding world would be interested in gaming and the mirror seems a little more benevolent than it should."

I think you fail to realise that the people which look into the mirrors aren't just "pure" wizards, there are "Muggle born wizards", "Mudbloods", "Scribes" and other various people which have probably looked into the mirror. What's to say a House-elf hasn't looked into the mirror as well? I would say it's possible and if you think otherwise you're closed-minded.

The contest did not specify whether the person looking into the mirror was either a muggle, creature and/or a wizard and I think you missed the part about "What you would see through the mirror" as in your own inspiration and/or dream.

Think of it as Alice through the looking glass: A kind of mirror image of Wonderland where your mind wanders and what happens in that world is entirely up to you... I'm not saying that the book could had been based around a child's imagination as she looked into a mirror, I'm saying it's a reality of which only exists in our minds and the mirror projects that same reality.

Although don't blame the hatter for not making any sense, I'm just thinking outside the box or mirror in this case. =P