United We Stand

United we stand,
For I will forever hold you hand,
In this graying bliss
With your sweetest kiss.

We can forever be
Together; just you and me
No complications,
Or alterations.

Pure, raw feelings
Untouchable, true beings.
Evil may stand outside our fortress,
but as long as we are together its useless.

Because we have a love so bright
We will never lose the fight.
Of being just you and me
Together forever and free.

United we stand
For I will forever hold you hand
In this graying bliss
With your sweetest kiss
We can forever be
Together; just you and me
No complications,
Or alterations
Pure, raw feelings
Untouchable, true beings
Evil may stand outside our fortress,
but as long as we are together its useless
Because we have a love so bright
We will never lose the fight
Of being just you and me
Together forever and free.

Errors (PM if you're unable to correct them and I'll go into specifics.)

There is a misunderstanding on your part as to how poetry is read, and it's common so don't feel bad. When reading poetry you don't pause at the end of lines if there isn't punctuation.

There is not a single pause in this whole section:

United we stand
For I will forever hold you hand
In this graying bliss
With your sweetest kiss
We can forever be
Together

So overall your poem needs punctuation to pace it. I don't think you meant to for all those thoughts to come together, like:

, true beings / Evil may stand outside our fortress,

So for starters I would work on that. Read it aloud and see where you want there to be short, medium, or long pause and place the appropriate punctuation for the desired effect. Then PM me and we'll go from there on how to further improve this poem.

United we stand

For I will forever hold you hand
In this graying bliss
With your sweetest kiss
We can forever be
Together; just you and me
No complications,
Or alterations
Pure, raw feelings
Untouchable, true beings.
Evil may stand outside our fortress,
but as long as we are together its useless
Because we have a love so bright
We will never lose the fight
Of being just you and me
Together forever and free.

If you like rhyming, it would be worth your while looking through different poetry forms, they're fun to play with and refine your technique. It's sort of like writing a description without the letter 'a', an exercise that allows you to think creatively through restriction. Ideally you want to dominate the form rather than having it dominate you, and this poem seems to be very much lead by the rhymes, they determine the rhythm and the line length. Show them who's boss, that's your department. I think that the shorter lines interrupt the flow a little bit, particularly as you've given the rhymes so much power. It might help to use more sense imagery, you have the epic quality to it, but what about the emotional, the personal? What is it like to be with him, every day? How is that powerful?
Good work, keep going, go sniff your lover.

I like this! It flows well, has great rythm and rhyming scheme too and I don't find any of the rhymes forced - PLUS IN THE CORNER for that one The emotion in this piece is really strong too, many love poems ends in tragedy or is all about the pain it can bring, I like how sometimes you find poems like these. When lovers face pain and tragedy together instead of using it against eachother Very Well Done. If to say something that could be better it's the structure, I think you should divide the text into stanzas, also.. PUNCTUATION! You've added one or two dots and commas but it's way too few. It's hard to read, when you're not allowed to breathe ;D

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I agree with the comments above, you have a really nice poem here. None of the rhymes sound particulary come across as forced, and you've managed to make the poem flow pretty well. As Kit mentioned, the senses can make for powerful poetry. Before you write, try sitting down and making a note of what you can smell, see, hear, taste and feel in regards to the topic of your poem.
Keep typing!