To Be Perfect

As I walked toward the fabled Mirror of Erised I thought to myself. “Do I really want to see what would me happy? If I do see what would make me happiest then I might not be happy enough with what I have. What to do, what to do.” I never was a good decision maker. I took another step towards the mirror but I went no further. As I glanced around my surroundings I wondered how the amazing mirror of Erised had ended up here, somehow entwined with my humble life. The storage space under my cottage was no place for this mirror, or any mirror for that matter. It was dusty, dirty and full of spiders. It was astounding that I had even gone under the cottage into the filthy storage space but when I saw something reflect the sun my curiosity got the better of me. Everyone always tells me that curiosity killed the cat, but I’m never sure of what cat they’re talking about. Someone calling my name took me away from my thoughts and brought me back to reality. My family was looking for me. I sighed it was now or never. I took the remaining few steps needed to diminish the distance between me and the mirror. I gazed into the mirror, still slightly afraid of what I might see. In the mirror I saw myself as I would normally see but the surrounding had changed. Instead of the darkness that was found under my cottage my figure in the mirror was standing in front of a giant wall of trophies. There were trophies for swimming, drawing, singing, and soccer. Any trophy you could imagine was cretin to be on that wall. It wasn’t just me standing in the mirror though, I was surrounded by my friends and family and they were congratulating me a looking exceptionally proud. The me standing in the mirror was perfect and everyone loved me for it. As I struggled to pull myself away from the tantalizing scene, I thought about what a shallow desire I had. The more I thought about it though the less shallow it seemed. I just wanted to be perfect, to make no mistakes, to have people only say nice things about me, to be good at everything. That’s all I wanted now is that too much to ask for, sadly it is. As I walked away from the mirror that I would never see again, I told myself that my greatest desire was unattainable. The thought didn’t seem to sadden me much, I’m happy enough as it is.

Wooh, the biggest issue I saw was formatting, spelling, and punctuation. I corrected some of those for you, though I may have missed a few. As for format, split your story into paragraphes so that it is easier to read. I did a few example ones. The grammar at times did seem a bit awkward, so you may want to rephrase some of your words. However, as for the story itself, I say it was well written. You added a lot of details and even explained a little bit about why the mirror was in the basement of your cottage. Loved your twist on the old saying, "Curiosity killed the cat" as well.

As I walked toward the fabled Mirror of Erised#FF0000 ">, I thought to myself#FF0000 ">, “Do I really want to see what would me happy? If I do see what would make me #FF0000 ">happiest then I might not be happy enough with what I have. What to do, what to do.”

I never was a good #FF0000 ">decision maker. I took another step towards the #FF0000 ">mirror, but I went no further. As I glanced around my surroundings#FF0000 ">, I #FF0000 ">wondered how the amazing #FF0000 ">mirror of Erised had ended up here, somehow entwin#FF0000 ">edd with my humble life. The storage space under my cottage was no place for this #FF0000 ">mirror, or any #FF0000 ">mirror for that matter. It was dusty, dirty and full of spiders. It was astounding that I had even gone under the cottage into the filthy storage space#FF0000 ">, but when I saw something reflect the sun#FF0000 ">, my #FF0000 ">curiosity got the better of me. Everyone always tells me that #FF0000 ">curiosity killed the cat, but I’m never sure of what cat they’re talking about.

Someone calling my name took me away from my thoughts and brought me back to reality. My family was looking for me. I sighed#FF0000 ">; it was now or never. I took the remaining few steps needed to diminish the distance between the #FF0000 ">mirror and myself. I gazed into the #FF0000 ">mirror, still slightly afraid of what I might see. In the #FF0000 ">mirror, I saw myself as I would normally#FF0000 ">, but the surronding had changed. Instead of the darkness that was found under my cottage#FF0000 ">, my figure in the #FF0000 ">mirror was standing in front of a giant wall of #FF0000 ">trophies. There #FF0000 ">were trophies for swimming, drawing, singing, soccer#FF0000 ">, and many more. Any trophy you could #FF0000 ">imagine was #FF0000 ">certain to be on that wall. It wasn’t just me standing in the mirrior though#FF0000 ">; I was surronded by my friends and family and they were #FF0000 ">congratulating me#FF0000 ">, looking exceptionally proud. The me standing in the mirrior was perfect and everyone loved #FF0000 ">her for it. As I #FF0000 ">struggled to pull myself away from the tantalizing #FF0000 ">scene, I thought about what a #FF0000 ">shallow desire I had. The more I thought about it though#FF0000 ">, the less #FF0000 ">shallow it seemed. I just wanted to be perfect, to make no mistakes, to have people only say nice things about me, #FF0000 ">and to be good at everything. That’s all I wanted#FF0000 ">. Now is that to much to ask for#FF0000 ">? Sadly it is. As I walked away from the #FF0000 ">mirror that I would never see again, I told myself that my greatest desire was #FF0000 ">unobtainable. The thought didn’t seem to sadden me much, I’m happy enough as it is.

I completly forgot to edit thanks for the reminder. Man that was dumb!

Hello ally.

This is a really good piece and I really like it. Shadow has already pointed out the grammar mistakes, which is good becasue I'm not good with grammar. There is one thing I would point out though. You seem to repeat a lot of the words used...

mirrior

cottage

...try and find different words to describe them if you can. Sometimes choosing the right word can also help build character profile.

I like how you have used the mirror of Erised. Did you know erised is desire spelt backwards? A little fact I picked up recently. If you have any queries feel free to PM me or post something on my wall, Midnight x