If My Life Were A Dream

Spoiler

Hello everyone. I might send this piece into a competition, so if you could take maybe 5-10 mins to read and review, I would be so grateful! Also, this is the first piece I've ever written with my left hand.

As the sun sighs good night,
I rest my eyes and pry into
the infinite dyes my dreams supply.

They slither down mysterious roads,
take the shape of a million souls
my body could grow into.

They run the documentary
of how to make mistakes
without a drop of shame.

They spoil me with love
as ripe as the reddest cherries,
as sweet as the rosiest cheeks.

They twirl my wildest fantasies
into a whirlwind of craze,
and hurl them into the unknown.

And broken dreams that
shatter through my mind teach me
to forget the useless.

My dreams evoke the steam of anger,
the glee of love,
the bleeding of tears.

They allow my core to be unclogged,
the purity of my ocean deep within
to flood without restraint.

If only my life were a dream,
I would finally feel at home.

The ending to your poem was good and well writen but the rest was a bit connfusing. Your words didn't seem to flow as they should have and I would have to repeat parts because they were hard to put together. Some words didn't seem to go with the other words they were placed with and I think that was the problem. You might want to change your poem a bit but who am I to tell you what to do.

Hello there I'll do my best to give you the best review possible - hope it helps you out a little bit

In the first stanza you used the words "As the sun slowly dies," this creates a very sad image and it's your first line so if that's what you're trying to do then it's good but maybe you can use a bit of a euphemism? maybe "As the sun slowly sinks into the welcoming earth"? I enjoyed the 3rd line "the infinite dyes my dreams supply." The word "dyes" is a good description of what a person see when they close their eyes - good imagery In the 4th line you've used the word "infinite" again... you might want to try a different word like "endless"? The rest of the poem is good - I got the impression that you were explaining what your dreams are capable of doing and there is a type of emphasis on their power... The last two lines are also brilliant! I must say though that I also struggled to get the message of what you were trying to say here so maybe play around with this piece a bit? Hope I could help! xxx

Soo.. here's my review of this piece!

To begin with.. your title "If my life were a dream" it's supposed to be "was a dream" I believe

At first I thought the structure looked a bit choppy and I didn't think the flow would work, but both rythm and flow did go on fantastically when I started reading so.. eeh, don't know why I even brought that up ^^

Great imagery too... and eeeeeeeeeeeh, yeh. I love the ending! Tied the poem together perfectly.

Overall; This was a quite amazing poem... sweet, cute AND beautiful

Good Luck & Keep Writing

To awnser you I would have to say that only the first stanzas need working on I hope that helps you enough!

Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them.
Desire and ally1212 the first stanza is now changed, and I have also added a stanza, plus the second "infinite" is now gone. Thanks a lot for your help.