Meeting Jesus (contes entry)

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 928
Reviews 102
Mollie Shrinka is no ordinary girl. Her parents had died in World War II and she stayed with her grandparents, who somehow got through the whole war without a scratch. She had a younger brother, Juento, and a younger sister, Millie, the only people that kept her from remembering those dark days when she was only ten. Mollie also had a White Terrian, also called Poppy, what she called her father back in the days.
Mollie would be described probably as dark, scared, afraid what men might do to her. That was true, after all, she HAD survived World War II. But, I wouldn't like to describe her as THAT. Maybe, she would be pretty, always smiling after her sentences, and slow to anger. Mollie could be tall and skinny. She could have short, brown hair, cut off at the shoulders. She could have a pretty little face, with bright green eyes and a cute, pig-like nose. But that's not me to describe a girl who had been through so much. Perhaps you would look at her as a scary person, maybe strongly-built, a tough, but pretty face, and a mind like no other. Obviously, Mollie Shrinka was no ordinary girl.

I walked along the path with Poppy and Juento. We had to take little Poppy for a walk, for he was getting restless at home. Juento wanted to come because...... Well I don't know why, maybe it was Mamia. I never understood why she worried so much about me. Maybe because..... No, Mo, don't think of that NOW. Besides, Poppy was beginning to poop. Juento laughed and pointed at the little dog. I smiled and picked up the poop with the plastic bag and threw it away at a nearby rubbish bin.
"Mollie, are you tired yet? I'm TIRED!" Juento complained.

"We will rest at the next bench, Juenie." I replied.

"Yes, Mollie."

We walked some more, watching the bikers and racers warming up on the nearby track. Juenie seemed fascinated at the bikers. He had a bike at home, actually, and he always rode it. With a smile on my face, I watched silently at his little face. His cute, green eyes, always darting at one thing or the other, was staring at the strongly-built bikers. His cheeks moved as he breathed, and his little mouth talked on and on about the bikers. I caught some of his words, "And now he puts on his hell-met, to make sure he doesn't go to hell, right, Mo?" I laughed and pulled his shirt to make him keep walking. Juenie's stubby little legs began to work again, but his mouth kept on talking.
Juenie, Poppy, and I finally sat down on a brown bench. I heaved my little brother up on the bench. His green eyes shone as he looked at the ground, so far away from him. I sat down myself and tucked my feet into my belly, making myself feel more relaxed. Juenie struggled to do the same and succeeded. He then began to watch the bikers get ready to start pedaling.
A man sat down beside me. He had a one t-shirt on with only one word on it: JESUS. I smiled and thought how that word, JESUS had helped me through my entire life. JESUS. It repeated over and over again in my head. JESUS. I studied the man's face. JESUS. He had bright green eyes, like mine, and brown hair, like mine. His face, wait, his face. It can't be, his face was the same face of Poppy's face in the album at home. My eyebrows knitted together. JESUS. JESUS. JESUS. JESUS. The words felt like it wanted to burst from my mind and into my mouth.
"Jesus." I said aloud.

I covered my mouth, blushing as the man turned towards me. I tried to look away, but I bet he caught me. He grabbed my wrist. I felt no sudden resistance as what Juenie would do. I sat there, cheeks still flushed, and watched him.
"Mollie. Mollie. Mollie." the man said.

"Do I know you, sir?" I asked.

"Very much, Mo."

I tried to guess at first. Poppy? Could it be?! But, he would be old by now, wouldn't he be?
"Poppy?" I guessed.

"I'm your brother." was all he said.

I thought, my face turning into a thinking face. How could he be my brother? He looked, at least twenty one! I was at the young age of thirteen, who could be my brother?
"H-how?" was all I could muster.

"Mo, I'm everyone's brother. Don't you know?" he grinned.

"What's your name, then?" I asked.

"J-E-S-U-S. And that's with a J-j sound, not a H-h sound, Mo." he grinned.

"But nobody's supposed to be called that! It's a sacred name!" I exclaimed.

My eyebrows knitted together. Who was this person, calling himself The Holy Name?
"It is, it is, Mo. But then, aren't I sacred?"

"J-jesus!?" I cried out.

"No, don't do any of that feet-washing and bowing, Mollie. It's alright."

"J-jesus, Juenie, look, it's the Almighty, the Son of God!!" I told Juento.

"That's him? I thought he was much older, Mo." Juenie replied.

"Of course I am, Juenie, but I'm eternal." Jesus replied.

"Oh." Juento blushed and turned away.

"Why have you come here?" I asked.

"Out of love, Mo. I missed you. I couldn't bear to see you all those nights, crying about Poppy and Mammy. You were so alone and frightened, I decided to come here personally and tell you something I've always wanted to tell you." Jesus explained.

My hands grew sweaty and I brushed away some of my hair. I was getting scared. What would he tell me? "Your parents are dead, so quit whining?" or maybe "It's okay to do that, just keep on being the same Mo."?
"I love you, Mollie Shrinka. And don't ever forget that I'm always with you."





Don't YOU EVER forget that God will always be with you, even through tough and awesome times. Think of him always from the tip of your head to the heels of your feet. He loves you THAT much.
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t act a little childish sometimes.”-The Fourth Doctor
"Who I was, what I did, that's not who I am." - Castiel
"Friends protect you." - John Watson




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 7
I'll start by saying you spelt contest wrong in the title.

This piece is rather weird. I know it's a short story but it didn't really go anywhere. All that happened was that you met Jesus on the beach.

katngo73 wrote:I thought, my face turning into a thinking face.


How about: 'I frowned. He's clearly not my brother; I've never met him before.' I'm not too sure about 'my face turning into a thinking face.'

katngo73 wrote:who could be my brother?


To be honest, there's not that much of an age gap there. I mean, my brothers twenty-four or something.

Also, I find it weird that Jesus is at the beach, strolling around with his own name on his T-Shirt.

Bottom line is: It's not a very good concept I'm afraid.

You seem like an OK writer though, maybe try another idea. :wink:
"You overreach yourselves." Orphan

"No, we overreach you." Lightning, Final Fantasy XIII




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6338
Reviews 140
I, for one, like it. But I also have a tendency to be partial to works that show the true side of Christ. Even still...
*likes*

However a few of the sentences are really too long- run-ons. They are grammatically correct, but they just take too long to read and it hurts.
(I can't do a full review due to time constraints.)


Other than that, you're a great writer!
Rock on!
God Bless.

--------------
-Jojo
Solvalery/GeeLyria Fans
Link



And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk