Ugly

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Prologue:
Every little girl has dreamt of being a beautiful, kind princess, and those of the more tomboyish disposition from early on – dreamt instead of being a handsome, brave knight. But the point is mute: no one wishes to be ugly or mean, plain or stupid. This is my story, a remarkable narrative of several years back, before I realized that the opposite, can, in fact, be true…


Chapter 1
I’m nine today. I know! Nine years old! I feel so proud at every birthday for being older and more grownup. The funny thing is, that feeling doesn’t last long and I soon feel like I’m not any older and that the next year up – ten – is so much older than nine, because after being nine for a few weeks I’ll feel the same as I did at eight, and wishing I were a year older. The whole thing is rather baffling if you ask me, but for now, I’ll be happy feeling ‘old’. In fact, even though I’ll feel young again, and wish I were ten, I really must be getting quite old, since almost everybody admits I’m practically a young lady.

So anyway, I got some really awesome stuff for my birthday; a long beaded necklace with a big pink flower at the end, from Zoe, my little sister who’s only seven. I heard Ronnie and Ted, my older brothers, arguing that Zoe had picked it out herself from her allowance but mom had made her give it to me…either way, I ended up with it, so I’m happy. It’s really pretty; the beads are a pearly white that shine and gleam in the light and the flower has sparkles in it.

Ted and Ronnie got me a game of monopoly and a boring-looking book about ship wrecks – why would I want to read that? They said, quite proudly, that they hadn’t let mom help them pick out the presents…well, that was obvious! I thanked them anyway because it would be mean not too and I don’t want to hurt their feelings; I know how unpleasant that is.

Even if they are big, tough boys, I’m sure they can still feel sad. So, I thanked them, and they looked very chuffed with themselves, which made me feel good inside. Ted is fourteen and he’s always trying to act smart and grownup, and Ronnie’s eleven so luckily he hasn’t been ‘bitten by the bug’ as my dad says, whatever that means. But as I was saying, it’s hard to make them feel pleased, so I was glad when I did.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Ronnie has started insisting that his name is Ron; not Ronald, not Ronnie, not Ron-ron. Ron. Whatever is all I can say. I always forget to call him Ron, and then he gets all red in the face and explains why he doesn’t go by ‘childish nicknames’ anymore. Stuff him! Ron is about as boring as name can get anyhow, so why’d he want to be a boring-named person?

Another thing I forgot to mention; my name is Larky. I know, totally sweet! I used to hate my name, but now it’s really cool and pretty-sounding when people say it, so it makes me feel prettier. My full name is Larkspur, which I have no idea how my parents came up with, but nobody ever calls me that. Ever.

Back to my birthday: Susie, my best friend, gave me a rubber stamping kit, similar to hers, and we’re planning on making cards and scrapbooks this summer with them. She also made me a friendship bracelet, which I put on this morning and haven’t taken off. I gave her one in return, and we vowed never to take them off. Mine’s mint green and baby blue and hers is yellow and orange.

The best present of all, though, was a scooter mom and dad gave me. It’s pale purple with silver handles and wheels. The handles have spongy rubber grips that feel good on your hand, kind of like a massage, and the main part where you put your feet has a design in twirls and flowers. It feels like sandpaper, but it’s to keep your feet from sliding. Friction, Ted said wisely, the know-it-all. I’d wanted one of those scooters for ages, ever since I saw them in the hardware store a long time ago.

Mom gave me some pink lip gloss and purple and red nail polish. She said she thought I’d want a little something…extra. I knew it was just to make me feel more girly, and not so ugly and boyish. She was always doing things like that, buying me little beauty supply stuff to make me happier. I liked the stuff, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed frills and lace, sparkles and glitter, but I always felt sad when I dressed up and looked in the mirror only to find I still looked…ugly.

Oh well. I’m destined to be an ugly freak I suppose. My eyes are a light greenish brown that look like puke, too small in my chubby face. They are like tiny dots in a ham. My nose is long and strangely pointed to my otherwise rounded features. My cheeks are pale and pasty and my forehead is much too small for my wide face, so it causes my face to look wider than it actually is.

My mouth is probably my least offending feature, my lips plump and rosy red, pink actually, but against my white complexion they appear red.
My hair is a strange color, probably closest to umber, but no one can say. At different times is appears auburn, a nice rich reddish brown, then at other times it appears dark brown, and at other times still, it is a cream color, like blonde, yet with more browns and reds mixed in.

I can’t say if my strange, rather bewildering hair is a plus or minus on my ‘good-looking scale’ so I won’t mark it, cause I really am unsure about it! People say I’m pretty, but I know they are just trying to make me feel better. Others say they would put me at average, which is also to make me feel better. It’s pretty obvious that I’m way below average.

I usually try to make myself ignore my appearance, and usually I’m successful; I don’t think about the way I look, I don’t fret or worry, because it doesn’t help and makes me feel worse. Kids will be mean and tease or make fun whatever I think or do, so if I just don’t think about myself, appearance or otherwise, I can much more easily ignore the cruel remarks. Sometimes it just wears down on me, especially when mom buys me something pretty and girly – it reminds me why she’s doing it.

If asked outright, mom would deny that she does it because I’m so fearful to the eyes. She’d say I was beautiful and beautiful girls deserve fun, girly things. And besides, she’d ad, I always liked them, and it was fun for me and her to dress up and make ourselves fancy. To be honest, even I could guess that she didn’t realize her attempts to soothe my feelings only worsened them. She’d never even think about her kindnesses as harmful. Only I knew, and only I would know…for I could never tell her and make her feel sad. I knew how much hurt-feelings pained, especially when you had done nothing to deserve them.

Spoiler
I wrote this a few months ago, and as I was going through my works on my files it came up. I quite like it, and I have a 2nd chapter written, but I don't know if it's worth continuing or not...? Whacha think? Any tips would be fabulous!
Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.




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It sounds pretty interesting, although I'm not sure about what's going to happen next!

That 9-year-old sounds much older than she is, maybe making the narrative slightly more child-like? Although, to be honest, I have no idea how you can do that because I've never written a story narrated by a child.

I'd gladly read the next chapter, and am curious as to how this will pan out!




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The story is intresting, and the one thing that I liked was how the character speaks to you. It's almost if you're interviewing the charater and she just blurts out her whole story in a very enthusiastic way. From the start, I felt like the title didn't belong since I didn't see anythign wrong with her, until she started saying how ugly she is. It kinda bummed me to see that the cahracter hates herself, yet this is in 1st person, so it's her opinion about how she looks. Everything was great, and well written, though I did get stuck on this one sentence.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Ronnie has started insisting that his name is Ron; not Ronald, not Ronnie, not Ron-ron. Ron. Whatever is all I can say


In the bolded sentence made no sence, I would consider re-writing it to were it says
"Whatever it is, Ron is all I can say"
Or
"All I can say is Ron."

The whole thing looks great, and I would love to read the second chapter, hoped this helped!




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Hai!

But the point is mute: no one wishes to be ugly or mean, plain or stupid.

Moot? Is that the right word?


Back to my birthday: Susie, my best friend, gave me a rubber stamping kit, similar to hers, and we’re planning on making cards and scrapbooks this summer with them.

That colon completely threw me off. Jolted me right out of the story. I don’t fully understand how colons work, and this is a nine year old’s story, told in a nine year old’s voice, and there’s a colon, and it’s looking at me saying, “Haw-haw, this nine year old knows how to use me and my kind and you don’t, loser!” Um, so, do many nine year olds use colons nowadays?


The handles have spongy rubber grips that feel good on your hand, kind of like a massage, and the main part where you put your feet has a design in twirls and flowers.

Similarly, how does she know what a massage is like?


Mom gave me some pink lip gloss and purple and red nail polish.

Isn’t nine a bit young for lip gloss?


Oh well. I’m destined to be an ugly freak I suppose. My eyes are a light greenish brown that look like puke, too small in my chubby face. They are like tiny dots in a ham. My nose is long and strangely pointed to my otherwise rounded features. My cheeks are pale and pasty and my forehead is much too small for my wide face, so it causes my face to look wider than it actually is.

My mouth is probably my least offending feature, my lips plump and rosy red, pink actually, but against my white complexion they appear red.

My hair is a strange color, probably closest to umber, but no one can say. At different times is appears auburn, a nice rich reddish brown, then at other times it appears dark brown, and at other times still, it is a cream color, like blonde, yet with more browns and reds mixed in.

I really, really, really, really hate it when a story starts with a passage in which the narrator bemoans how hideous they are. It’s whiny and self-pitying and it makes the proverbial hackles rise. Well, my hackles.

---

Despite the “woe is hideous me!” passage, I did quite like this. I like Larky’s voice, although at times she seems too mature for a nine-year old. Is the whole story, though, going to be about how Larky feels she’s so unattractive? Because that does seem where you’re headed, and if that’s true, the only reason I’d read on would be to tell how much I didn’t like it

>_< I’m a horrible person sometimes. It just really annoys me when a character who you’ve only just met stops the whole story just to fling loads of “run from my hideous hideousness!” pity-parties.

I hope this doesn’t sound too mean. It’s really meant to help. PM or Wall me if you have any questions!

-twit
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir



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