Things Not Seen

I cringe
afraid he will come back again.

No matter what
I say
or do,
The bruises mount
his anger grows
and i recede
into myself.

My family laughs
my friends don't know
I cover myself
In fear of being caught
with my skin all black and blue.

Threats come
from every direction
punches are tossed
and words thrown
I cower on my own.

Day in
and day out
anger to "sweets".
what's to become of me
and the things no one else sees?

I really like this poem. Just two bits...

spelled 'black' wrong. Unless blcak is a word I've just never heard of before.

last stanza third line- 'anger to "sweets" ' OK, what does anger to, quote, sweets mean? Just a question...

But why are you afraid of this guy? You say you have black and purple skin, but you don't tell us this guy did it. Of course, we could get that from the contest, but I'm picky, and never sure.

ha, i wish it were a new word.. thanks for that. I can't really explain that part.. i guess it's a if you understand you do, if you don't, you don't... bad answer, i know. I'll try.. it's how someone it mean one day and nice the next.

Hm, two word lines. I don't do this often, and I would suggest to do this either, sometimes when over used, the poem seems sliced into pieces, and not really joining together. Now, don't get me wrong, this a beautiful poem--interesting conception.
I just read saw a book at the library with this same title.

I love this. It's so powerful, as are all of your poems. Let my try to clear up the 'anger to "sweets"' line.. I believe it means he's angry toward her, and violent, then changes his mood in front of others and acts sweeter.. is that right? That's how I read it, anyway.

Good luck with this, Mesh.

I know what it's talking about, I can't really explain it, I just do. I like it, not as good as Shadow Walkers, your going to have a tough time living up to that, it was so good! But I still liked it, powerful.


BTW, you havn't changes blcak to black yet.

thx El, I fixed it now. Thanks Crysi (I know you know... and i give you permission once again to do the same as on the other site.)

CAG, really? i didn't know that.. must check now! i agree, two word lines can be choppy sometimes, how would you help that? (oh wait, she's gone for now... darn!)

Nicely done.

Simple enough, except at the same time very powerful. The depth of it surpasses me, but I enjoyed it.

Nice work. A keeper.

This was short but quite good.

with my skin all black and blue.

I disliked this line out of the whole poem, mainly because it seemed too long in comparison to the rest of the stanza, and seemed ruin the whole stanza. I think you should try and shorten it.

Veru powerful poem..Besidese changing it to black I can't really think of anything. Great Job!

I have to agree, keep it up, Mesh!

I agree with nickelpickle, this is very good poem, very powerful.

~*goes off to find Mesh's other stuff*~

*feels like she's bumping her own thread* thanks guys. havn't had time to really look at this, so i'm not sure yet how to fix that one line. ideas would be welcome!

I would get rid of:
"with my skin all black and blue."
Prior to this line, everything seemed rather poetic and eloquent, but this line made it trivial. It's also not needed as the reader already assumes that the speaker's skin is all black and blue.

Other than that though, I loved this. It's wonderfully written, graceful and poignant, and chilling. A great read.