Smile Everlasting.

It smiles, teeth glistening with the taste of my humanity. I inhale, nothing. Turning, it leaves me for dead.

Less than human, I crawl against a shattered path.

Trees wilt and bridges burn as I scrape after my lost humanity: trapped above and below the impossible staircase; mired to shoulder and hip by melted clock's dizzy hands; suffocated by nape's stare in mirror's reflection. I scream, but my mouth is skin; my tongue, ash. Crumbling, my senses atrophy.

Only the blunt tugging of my human-less void directs me, through decay and shackling fog. A rusted door gives way, and its back appears, beckoning from its open balcony. Grey and ancient; still human.

Stabbing, strangling, cracking, biting, I reclaim my lost humanity. It drips from my mouth, ice-cold.

I dive. Needles of air embrace me as I hurtle back to my human place. Finally, I exhale.

I smile.

Spoiler

This was my entry for the 150 word contest. I drew #3: justifying revenge or redemption. It may be a slightly darker take.

Confusing. Though I would say that it was your intention. Nonetheless, it is fascinating to read such a piece. I rather enjoyed the morbidity of this piece, the many references to things I know not, yet all of them fit together in a mysterious symphony that resounds with the fate of all life: Death. The gates of Death, were they not? Brilliant, in your descriptions, and it doth make me wonder who It be. There is so much to read in this short piece. I was overjoyed to read this piece, the dark shadows have warmed me. I beg your pardon if I have been rambling, but I have only noticed one part not to my liking. The 'and die, and die' part seemed oddly out of place for me, but it still works. Thank you for creating this piece.

Hello~!

One heck of a peice, I'll say!
The descriptions were fantastic and, yes, some parts were rather confusing, but overall the meaning was clear.
Death and revenge. As you said in the 'Spoiler', it was a dark tale, but a very enjoyable one. The story was told to me by a whispering devious voice in my head, and the scenes placed in a lonely valley where night fell. Perfect.

My senses die, and die, and die...

After the frighting silence, the story went on, only to poof into nothing, all the feeling gone at the repititive 'and die'.[Is it just me, or did that just rhyme?] Try stringing up new words, new descriptions and feeling here. Looking at what you wrote above, it should be a peice of cake.

So, good luck in your contest!
And please, keep writing awesome peices such as this. :'D

-JT.

I'll admit, it was a bit confusing until I read your spoiler. Then I read the passage again and fully understood it. Though the last two sentences (before I smile) are a bit confusing. I don't understand what is going on there. Dives? From where? Into what?

The short, punctuated sentences really fit here. A hundred and fifty words is no easy feat, but I think the style you utilized was best for this contest. I'll admit, I am curious as to what had stolen his humanity in the first place. Other wise, good job. I liked it.

You know I'm going to pester you about this! You also know I'm dumb and so I'm probably going to make you spell every word out for me later.
So, here's my take. Let me know if I'm completely off mark...
When he dives, he actually resurfaces to the human world, (so your verb was a pun of sorts or opposite meaning on purpose) and I guess where he used to be (before he dives) his some sort of interior world/mental state of his own.
When he reclaims his "humanity" and you make it seem that he's very...what's the word?...very pitiful? no very lowest of low...I don't know, like in korean 인간 쓰레기? But when he regains his humanity, does he higher his condition. I know that didn't make sense at all, but basically regaining his humanity elevates him from the moral depravity he suffers from.
Now, what does that have to do with justification for redemption/revenge? Well, here's my guess: When you're struggling for revenge, you can't think of ofther people. You're stuck in this cycle of hate where you give and recieve, and you only see yourself where only you suffered etc. So that's why there's no other POV or character in your piece either.
How am I doing so far? Lol.
Okay, also, the "It" in the story. That is the emotion? or embodiment of revenge? I'm not sure as you can tell by my hesitant tone.
And yes, I am doing all this during work!

Well, I don't want to give everything away, and I did write this piece as completely open to interpretation, but if you want to see where I was coming from think about what the "smile" and "humanity" mean in the contex1 t of this story (it's not necessarily good). I think you're coming from a different place than where I was, but that's good, it's sort of what I wanted, for everyone to get something different out of the piece, just as how "it" is different for every single person. Ask me later if you really want me to "spell everything out for you" though I think it'll be less fun that way.

I will be brief. This is great fantastic story telling, don't get me wrong. But a story doesn't really exist here. It's more of a scene than a story, while you have incorporated your theme to a degree, you haven't justified the characters motives enough, we understand what happens, but I can't get into his head - though this might just be me . I think you haven't quite got the balance right, too much weight is placed on the amazingly detailed and fascinating scene, but very little is tacitly revealed about motivation, character, and the theme isn't clear. Ambiguity can be a good thing, because stories are generally reasonably open for interpretation especially when they are this short. The problem with this is its precise in its details, and doesn't really lead us to enlightenment, it doesn't clarify anything, or exhibit a stance on redemption. I think you took this opportunity to tell a vivid and exciting scene whilst neglecting the theme itself.

Like I said there are positives and negatives here, I think this is great, but it's not quite complete. The last line is the closest you get to completing the story, but it still feels as though you need a few more words to get the message across.

Other than that, well done. You clearly have a penchant for fast paced exciting prose. Keep it up and good luck.