Through my screen.

You may not see it through my screen,
That runs the documentary
Of one tough rhinoceros boy,
Who never sobs and never toys,
Who doesn't flee and never flinches,
Never turns and never inches
Away from life and all it's knives,
All it's bullets, all it's lies.

The screen that plays the movie now
Of cracking jokes and beatbox sounds,
"He's surely one confident man,
All the girls must long his hand!
And his friends must feel so blessed
To be around one so fearless!"
No single frown dares scar his head,
No danger pierce his heart of lead

What if I told you that this great,
Charming man plays only bait,
Who dwells behind this sanguine screen
Is one engulfed in misery.
Behind the laughter sits a tear,
Too embarrassed to appear,
It sheds itself only at night,
Where it no longer has the might,

The might to hide the simple truth,
That all it needs is love from you.

Spoiler

This poem describes my life situation right now. I feel like I'm wearing a mask.

That was well poetic! i guess it's a poem it's supposed to be poetic. But i read alot of poetry on here and i am a poet in myself but it's verry rare i find a poem that captures me, not in a way of i just plain love it but in a way of i'm addicted to it it's so good!! this is amazing, i only wish i could be as good of a poet as you. I hope you have more poetry because this was amazing.

Heya dani! I am here…so I recommend turning and running now. *is kidding of course*

So, I actually rather enjoy tackling rhyming poetry for one major reason: people have a habit of getting it wrong. I don’t even dare try my hand at rhyming because, well, it terrifies me a little bit. It’s pretty easy to make a poem seem just all sorts of wrong if you attempt to make it rhyme. But you’ve done a very good job at it so you should definitely give yourself a round of applause for that right there.

What actually gets me with this poem is the theme. I’m a little baffled at what you’re trying to get across from this. And I’ve only read this about eight times. Maybe I’m losing sight of what you’re trying to say but the message seems buried in all of your imagery.

I won’t say that using exotic imagery isn’t nice. I love to read poems by Kylan because he uses such rich, exotic language and imagery. But he still makes the message very clear and puts his time into balancing the two. So far, from what I can understand at all with your poem is it’s about a miserable man whose in love with the world of film but can’t quite reach it. (*is probably really off*)

Anyways, one thing you should be sure of with a poem is that the reader doesn’t have to spend more than two or three reads to understand it. It’s nice if you can have some tricky little phrases and such here and there but a reader won’t want to read a poem if it doesn’t make much sense to them.


Hope this helps and if you could please tell me where you were going with this, that would be really super amazing.

~lilymoore

Thanks for the reviews guys. Really appreciate them