Flames of Death

*Yeah, so, I've made three entries e.e*

Flames of Death

You have to watch the fire, I was reminding myself of her words, nuzzle and care for it. Otherwise, it could light the whole world aflame. She was so nice, so wise, but so cryptic.

I breathed onto the spark until an ash jumped towards my nose, then lunged back. The rest of the air left my lungs as I attacked the tree. I'm so jittery now, since her death. That's the only reason I'm in these woods, for closure. It was this very spot where she once taught me to make fire for the first time. My own sister, ruthelessly killed, only one, short year ago. I now walk on pins and needles, vulnerable.

I must watch my anger, care for it, or it could fry my mind for years to come.

Wow! That was very nicely written. It oozed mystery and tradgedy, but also wisdom. I really like that section about caring for the fire or it will set the whole world aflame. It seemed very deep and emotional. I like it lot!

Thank you, that's very kind.

Very awesome You do a really great job with the freestyle writing. To me, all of your entries had great imagery and my attention was hooked all the way through. Sure, this was only a few sentence, but it was a very entertaining couple of sentences I wish I had more advice besides 'keep it up' and 'write more, please' but I really don't.

I'll keep coming back to read more of your stuff ^_^

I know, I'm a great author. It's just a gift

Seriously though, thank you Sheepy ^.^

Hey there, Twinseed! Overall, this is a pretty good piece, especially considering the word limitation you had. I almost wish there was more to it - maybe you should consider adding onto it/continuing it someday? Anyways, onto the rest of the review!

There was one main big thing that bothered me: you changed tenses in the middle of it.

I was reminding myself of her words,

I breathed onto the spark until an ash jumped towards my nose, then lunged back. The rest of the air left my lungs as I attacked the tree.

Those two sections both seem to be in past tense - at least in my understanding.

I'm so jittery now, since her death.

But starting there, and going throughout the piece from there, you are writing in present tense. Did you not intend to write the other parts in past tense? Maybe you should reword them so they look like present tense as well, if that's what you're going for.

until an ash jumped towards my nose

This isn't major, but I'd suggest changing it to "a spark" or "until ash". Consider it like this....would you put "until a water"? Using ash that way just doesn't really flow or work quite right either!

As I said, this was really good overall. Keep it up, and I wish you luck! If you have any questions about my review, or need any more help, feel free to send me a message; I'll gladly help as much as I can.

--Heather

Thank you. My writing in different tenses isn't unusual for me, it's something that I have trouble with.