Chapter 2: Animositas

Chapter 2
Viewpoint: Lydia


My focus was on the book in front of me. Despite the ringing of the bell I was reluctant to break my concentration but like usual It wasn't given a choice.

"Want some help?" Annabeth said, hands on hips.

"Yea thanks." I said not even looking up or realizing what I was agreeing too. A pain in my head was short but hurt enough for me to break my focus.

"Ow. Not this again." I said.

"If you would just keep your hair out of this ponytail maybe you'd get that man of yours." Annabeth said, my hair bow wrapped around her finger. I grabbed another hair bow out of my backpack and put my hair up again.

"I'm fine just like this, thanks." I said gathering my stuff and following Annabeth out of the classroom. Other kids were chatting at their lockers staring as we passed by, one girl snickered at me and the other hushed her. This was common.

"I need to use the bathroom." Annabeth said examining herself in her pocket mirror.

"Want me to come with you?" I asked enthusiastically.

"Ha. I'm capable of using it myself, thanks. See ya later." Annabeth turned away and headed for the bathroom. As soon as her eyes left mine my eyebrows tightened and lowered, giving her a fierce glare. I turned down the hallway to my right and saw Jake standing at his locker and their was a drastic change in mood.

I walked over to him dusting my clothes off as if it would help my chances.

"Hey Jake." I said, my voice cracking at 'Jake'.

"Hey Lydia, where is your master." His face seemed to glow as his blue eyes, jet black hair, and soft facial features created what I thought was the perfect being.

"The bathroom for now, but stop saying that." I looked around to make sure no one would overhear, the halls were clearing as the students headed to lunch. "You know I hate her." Jake continued switching books from his backpack to his locker as they spoke.

"No you don't. I've known you since I was 5 Lydia. You guys have been friends for years." Jake finished with his locker and closed it.

"But they way she treats me in public, she is great when we are alone at one of our houses but otherwise he is just a bitch." I looked away with a scowl on my face.

"Just talk to her about it then. We wouldn't still be friends if we didn't tell each other what we feeling, right." Jake put his hands on shoulder and looked at me smiling. My heart skipped a beat as I nervously nodded my head.

"Ill go talk to her. Thanks Jake." Jake turned around to walk toward the lunch room when the lights flickered. "Wow, what just happened?" The sound of thunder boomed through the empty hallway.

"Just a storm knocking out the power. Hopefully it'll go out." Jake said turning around. A scream sent shivers down m spine and force me to turn toward the sound.

"What was that?" I said nervously. Jake walked toward the source of the sound using his hand to keep me a safe distance behind him as we walked toward the scream.

"Wait, isn't Annabeth terrified of the dark?" Jake asked.

"You're right. She is probably still in the bathroom too." I said, with a bit of worry in my voice despite being pissed at her.

"Let's go." Jake said holding out his hand. I grabbed hold and he lead us toward the bathroom. The thunder continued and so did the flickering of the lights. When we got close to the bathroom door Riley and Annabeth walked out into the hall.

"Annabeth, are you okay?" I asked walking toward her.

"I'm just fine." She snapped back. I hopped she wouldn't notice me clinching my fist to hold in the anger.

"What's going on Riley?" Jake broke the silence.

"It's nothing really. We should head to lunch." He stood up straight and puffed out his chest as if to demand we drop the subject.

"I thought I heard you scream." I said sincerely.

"Well you didn't okay."

"Listen Annabeth." Something inside me erupted. I stepped up toward her and keep walking backing her into the wall. "Stop talking to me like I am your dog. Stop treating me like I am disposable in public. I am DONE with your attitude." I slammed my hand against the wall right next to her head.

"Wow, Lydia." Jake grabbed me and dragged me away from Annabeth while Riley stood in-between us. He grabbed my arm and moved me out of the hallway into a nearby closet.

"What the hell was that?" He asked in confusion.

"I couldn't help myself. I had to get it out." I said keeping my composure.

"You might have hurt her I didn't stop you. What has gotten into you today? All of you." Jake said rubbing his head and pacing.

"All of who?" I asked.

"Look it's nothing. Lydia, I love you but need to calm down. Where is this anger coming from?" He stopped, holding out his hand as if I would place the answer inside.

"You just said you loved me." My eyes grew in hope.

"Of course, you're my best friend." He shrugged.

"Just as a friend?" My expression was suddenly more intense.

"Oh no. Please Lydia no."

"What?"

"You don't...love me? Like love love me, do you?"

"What if I did?"

Jake sighed. "Lydia, I'm sorry but I just don't love you like that." He placed his hands on my shoulders.

"No, don't touch me." I brushed his hands off. "How come you can't love me like I love you?" I shouted. I walked up close to Jake. "Fine. We are done." As if I was on autopilot, my hands moved on their own. The next moment I found Jake on the floor.

"You just punched me." He said holding his cheek. I looked down at him ashamed of what I had just done. I ran out of the closet and into the hall. Something was defiantly not right.


*NOTES* Noticed grammar mistakes on reread, fix those later. Might go slightly too fast...could slow it down with more description. Still working on that. Overall accomplished the story part of this chapter so.*


Check out the other chapters!

Chapter 1 - Irritum

Chapter 2 - Animositas

Chapter 3 - Superbia

Chapter 4 - Avaritia[Currently not posted to YWS, continue to the next Chapter won't cause too much confusion]

Chapter 5 - May Traverse

Chapter 6 - Sorocos

Chapter 7 - Suspension

I really liked this chapter, I think that it was very good so far. I noticed some grammar mistakes and a little spelling but other than that I think that this chapter is good. I do, however, think that this chapter would benefit from some expansion. You could expand a little more on the dialogue.

It was a really good chapter. I liked how you started the chapter with some of the other chapter but in a different charaters view. The way you ended the chapter with suspence was great, it really makes me want to read more. I think you should give us a little more of a backround check on all the characters but I liked how you started to tells us a bit about how the characters related to each other in the past. I can't wait to read more!!

DOE. 8D

So I'm totes back, and I must first say that I like how you're using the POV switcheroo thing. I'm curious as to if this technique will get too repetitive as the novel goes on, but I guess I won't know until I read more, so I'll just leave that there! I'm glad to have gotten a chance to better know Lydia though. She seems a little more real than she did last chapter.

I think the greatest concern is, as you've said, the pace. But I'm not sure description will slow it down like you think. If you step back and think about it, Lydia had a very random (and apparently out-of-character) angry outburst. Then there's the random I-love-you scene. Both together isn't that realistic and the scene doesn't play out as it would in real life. It's hard to explain without actually seeing that sort of scene yourself.

First off, it didn't sound like Lydia at all to accept Jake's idea of talking to Annabeth. At least, not so soon. She seems like someone who would argue with him about it or get defensive. If she gave in so quickly because she loved him, I'd make that more obvious to the reader. Surprises are nice, but when it comes to writing and stories, foreshadowing is extremely significant.

So then they hear the scream. I thought they approached the bathroom very well! That made enough sense for me! However, Annabeth and Riley both sounded extremely... rude. If that was intentional, then very well done! But I totes did not see it coming and wasn't sure I liked that at all.

Apparently, Lydia didn't like it either, but I find it would've been more appropriate if she rolled her eyes or did some fed-up gesture -- anything, really! But save that sort of conversation for later. The angry outburst was very out of character for her at this point, and there was zero clues/foreshadowing to hint to the reader that Lydia would do this sort of thing. Even so, description would be useful here. I was confused as to who pulled who and who stepped where, etc. xD

Then finally, the admittance of love between Lydia and Jake. That doesn't really have a place here at all. And if this does actually happen, Lydia wouldn't be the only emotional roller coaster in this chapter. So many things happen at once, it doesn't quite fit together. So you can work with tying it all together, but it might take some extra time to think about how to do about doing that.

But that's all in regard to the pacing. I'm very intrigued what all these characters will be up to later. I imagine the Lydia/Jake thing will be incredibly important, especially for Lydia and how she acts later. The new side to Annabeth is also interesting, and I look forward to seeing how things turn out!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Spoiler

Also, I forgot to reply to your PM, so here! 8D

Derek wrote: I'll have to find someway to include the storybook being read because it's important, I'll figure that out.

ffffffffff YES. If it's important, it's usually better to put it a good ways into the story. While the beginning is important to pay attention to, we typically don't recall the first some-percentage of what we're learning. Once we understand where we are and what's going on, then we pay attention to details. This is especially true with fun reading like your story!