I was going to critique this. Then I realised I reviewed the first chapter for you, and it seems all my suggestions fell upon deaf ears. I read this and found a few errors, poor word choice and so on. I don't mean to be rude but I work hard on my reviews, and I'm not going to go through it all again in vain. You seem to have written your novel exactly how you want it, so I won't make any further suggestions.
Hmm, I honestly don't get the point of what you said. I read your first review, and if I felt like changing anything, I would've. I like when people give suggestions, but as for the first chapter, I felt like everything was written okay and decided to keep it. What I don't get was why you felt the need to post a comment telling me you weren't going to give any suggestions. Why waste a post? If you found an error or poor word choice point them out, if I missed an error, I'd like to know. But no, instead you just wasted a post and haven't really helped me. I'm going to review your first suggestions in the first chapter and see if they're indeed better than what I have. Thanks for the semi-review.
Well it takes time to critique something. To read back through it with a fine-toothed comb. To find what stuck out, what needs changing. It takes me two seconds to quickly explain why I won't do that, I thought I owed that to you. And given that any suggestion anyone has made to you on this work has not seemed to have registered, no acknowledgement, no changes. Yet, my most recent post, which you seem to take issue with, prompted an instant response.
Via my wall
'I did say something. I wanted to explain that there are errors, and to explain why I'm not going to go to the trouble of pointing them out. PM me in the future, you want more information.'
I apologise if I upset you, but if you aren't open to critiques, why would I bother going through it all again? Did you post this simply to receive expressions of admiration? Or did you want an opinion on it?
So, I'll have to agree with joshuapaul. It seems like you haven't gone back to do some editing; you've posted the same thing that you might have on Wattpad. Anyway, my issue with this chapter is that, right now, it bores me. It sounds like a boring old school day and the time moves slowly. You can make it faster and interesting, y'know. And, it sounds like nothing major is happenign to the plot here and it's like a drabble, just to show him in school. I'd suggest cutting it shorter (the time frame) and sprucing up with more of your plot. And I did not get much of a character development here. All this make it seem like 'just another chapter' and at this early into your story, you need to make sure you pull in the readers.
Good luck! Keep writing! ~Lava
~ Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know. - Ian McEwan in Atonement
You both are saying that I just posted it w/o editing it, and I'm not seeing how. Where are the problems? And boring? Hmm, I'm not seeing that here, but it's still the beginning, I think it'll pick up soon : )
