The Massiveness of How Sad It Is to Want Someone (1)

Your writing is really amazing. Actually I have learnt many things from your writing. First I started reading it slowly but later when he struggles I started reading it fast to know what happened. Also I got the emotional feelings of him when I read. Looking forward for your next post. Your writing is really COOL !!! Love u...

It seems you've achieved so much great feedback from this post already, so I'll probably end up making this review short and an over excessive swoon about how absolutely beautiful this was to read. Granted the subject matter was rather dark, the articulation and poetic imagery that went into this was just incredible. This deserves to be featured 100%. And I'm glad it is!

To say the least though, I'm more glad to see that this is the first chapter of a novel, and not just a short story. Which means there's more to come from this little introductory insert. There was something just so unique about how this read off. It almost didn't even seem like a chapter to me really. It's like you engulfed the reader entirely into the scene that was occuring. Each paragraph I read was so smooth and flowed very nicely with one another. It's sort of one of those reads where I have a difficult time picking out how it could possible be improved. I guess I wouldn't want to see you change anything really.

I think starting your opening chapter out as emphasizing around your main character's vulnerablity was a pretty bold move. But you exectued it quite perfectly. And like I said before, the imagery was just awesome. Right here for example:

I lift my forearm from the water, palm facing upward, and clench my fist. Placing the razor in the center of my wrist, I breathe deeply before digging in. The razor bites, a lover's parting kiss.

If someone told me that they read a depiction of someone cutting themselves and it was poetically beautiful and not completely mental or entirely morbid sounding, I think I wouldv'e personally found it a little hard to believe. But this was just that. And there were so many other parts I read like it that were just as nice. I think you definitely nailed this chapter. The ending was exquisite. And I rarely use the word exquisite to define how much I like something I read.

But anyway, before I get all nauseating with the complements, I just want to say nice work, and I hope the rest of your novel is as smooth as this first chapter here. :]

-Smylin'

I hate you. You wrote a halfway decent slice of a story (no offense, but I'm probably not going to read more when you write because I'm a jerk like that (OK, fine, I might)) and the only thing I can think about to criticize is that I have that feeling of a razor chewing up my thumb.
That's going to stick with me awhile, jerkwad. I hope you have nightmares.
Other than that, your story was awesome. I just feel useless now because there's nothing more constructive to say.

This has to be the best I've ever read. You just have the perfect amount of detail and emotion to keep me reading. Now I'm left with questions, and thats what I love most, is to conjure up questions inside my head while I keep my eyes set on the rows of words. I'm very intrested in what will happen next in this novel.

The title was very unusual, and it really grabbed my attetion. I say that unusual titles happen to hold the best story, and certainly it does. Within the title you can already have an feeling of what the book will be about, adn the emotion that will be drawn out from the words. Thanks for posting this. :)

Amazing. It was like I was there, watching the scene envelope in front of me. Keep writing!!

This was Stunning! The absolutely best thing I've read all day! I found myself holding my breathe as he slid the razor down his wrist, and heart beat along with his as he heard the footsteps. I was drawn in by the title, and the opening sentence had me reading more. Your imagery was great, i could picture everything he did as he did it. The emotions were so real. Your choice of words was perfect. I don't I've read anything this good in days!

I have to read more! Please let me know when you post more! This was just amazing work! Please keep writing!

So, I read this awhile ago, and it took me a while to decide how I feel about it. Honestly, stories about cutting and suicide and all that stuff generally bore me. This didn't as much, though I do kind of feel like you could stretch away from it all the same.Right now, you manage to redeem your topic in the little snatches of poetic tone, that I absolutely adore. Unfortunately, this tone is lost quite early on in the piece, which brings me to my first point: consistency. I would almost encourage being inconsistent in this specific piece, to reflect the erraticity and perhaps instability of your character, but the inconsistency I'm addressing here has to do more with voice and tone more than anything else. You start off looking like you're going to draw in all these themes and then dismiss then entirely. Your voice changes to poetic to prose, and you don't carry through any themes like you structured the piece to.

Next thing: originality. Now, this is a topic that's hard to address, obviously, and even more obviously, has been addressed many times. This means that you have to be extra careful to create your own tones and take on it. Unfortunately, in some parts, you failed to do this. Use original descriptions, don't lean on things like this:

At one end of the rectangular blade, a ruby forms, grows heavy, and drops into the water, the seed of a rose. On a whim, I bring the razor to my face and trace my scar thoughtfully. My wrist rests under a clear area of water, and I marvel at the snowy smoothness I'm about to stain. I take comfort in the fact that there will be no scar.

I lift my forearm from the water, palm facing upward, and clench my fist. Placing the razor in the center of my wrist, I breathe deeply before digging in. The razor bites, a lover's parting kiss.

You go from razor to ruby to rose-- snow, to kisses. These are all often associated with cutting or suicide, I'd say. There's also the matter of so many metaphors crammed into so little. You could, if you wanted, create a metaphor and expand and grow with it. Right now, it's like you're creating one, and then dismissing it altogether and somewhere inside us, we WANT to see how it would work with the rest of the description. Does the rose bloom? Does it wilt? Is it marred with some horrible disease that will eventually kill it but is for now curling up its leaves and plucking them with infection? You pick up a metaphor, play with it for a while, and then drop it like an unwanted toy. The toy likes you though. :c

Last thing: character development. We get that he's sad and a bit desperate. We need more than that, despite it being the first chapter. Humanity has to be your hook to get people to keep reading.

Now, I do think this was written well. You have some balancing out to do, some conflict between your prose and poetry, each trying to swallow each other, and you need to find the way you want to write this. BUT-- yes, there is a but-- this was good. You have a nice opening chapter and some interesting concepts.

I loved it! I couldn't stop reading!!! So, did he die? You left a lot of questions unanswered, which is a good thing. when you're writing you your reader to have as many questions as possible, because when they do, they want to know the answers to them. So, keep up the good work!!