Stress

The thin rope
is slowly unraveling
under your weight.

Every single step
bringing you closer
to the fall.

This is certainly very simple, but I really like it. That's all I can really say about the matter. You can see the image, it's not smothered in big words. This is simple, yet powerful. Exactly as it should be. Veddy good.

As stated above, this is very simple. That may work for some subjects, but not stress. One reason is because not all stress is bad. There's good stress, happy stress, bad stress. It just can't all be sumed up into two short stanzas. However, the attempt was nicely made, and I like what you do have. You should really work with this more, adding different elements.
--Brandon
Xoxo

Is this a saying, a general truth, a sentence, a fable? Can you please label this piece, I am really interested.

I really liked this! I don't know why, but I did xD I think that the shortness was what made it so powerful. But liked it; short, sweet, and to the point. Great job! I do have to agree with Twinseed though, that there are multiple levels of stress and not all of it is bad. You might want to make a second poem that has multiple aspects and elements of stress, but don't mess with this ones length. I like it. Keep writing! BRAVO!

Heey paperbackheart =)
I want to start of with saying that I really like this piece. It is indeed short and simple but at the same time powerful like the other reviewers said. You worded stress really perfectly, but I do agree with Twinseed about that there are more sorts of stress. I really like the simplicity of this but at the same time I kind of wanted more, so if you feel like it one day you could expand on this I couldn't find any nitpicks in this poem so congratulations on that!
It's a good poem and keep writing! *clicks like*
Hope this helped a little.
-qaralynn-

Hi-ya!! Hmmm.....I feel like this is a great start to something more. It's building up to something then it cuts off! I'd love to read more, but this could be a stand alone piece. I just can't help wanting more because I see a great story and I'm only getting to skim the top layer. Keep writing!

The thin rope Help me see it, what's it like? Where's it attached?
is slowly unraveling
under your weight. This could be expanded upon. Like: bringing me down to earth in slow motion...

Every single step What are you standing on? A chair? Bridge?
is bringing you closer
to the fall.

Maybe describe why you're wanting to fall...for the rush? to escape a tortured world? to start over?

This has sort of a Gothic Romantic feel to it...Not sure if that makes sense, but a story is just itching to bust out of this frame! I truly love your writing! Don't change based on my suggestion, find what works for you and roll with it!
Stay Brilliant!!

Hello paperbackheart,

At first when I saw this I was thought it was going to be really long and I read what I thought was the very beginning of the poem and when I scrolled down further and there was only one line that I had left to read. Shortly, after finishing reading the poem I was about to click the 'return to other poetry' button but then I just felt compelled to read your poem again! After rereading it several times I knew I just had to review it, despite how short it is I felt that I just couldn't walk away without reviewing it, so here I am. Now on with the review!

I actually thought the simplicity of this was really good. You haven't attempted to make a complicated poem that confuses people which can be a bad thing yet some others look at it as a good thing. I am a bit in between a good simple poem in my opinion is good yet this is more than simple and short, it is in fact only a teeny nineteen words. So I think you do need to rethink your theory with making it small, despite that little nitty picky I still think you managed to convey the message really well, but I do think this would have been more effective had you made it a bit longer.

In the first stanza I think it began the poem really well, the language you have used is descriptive but also necessary for it to make sense. I like how you think of 'the stress' as a rope feeling pressure created by yourself and no one or nothing else. I also like how in only nine words you have dragged the reader in and they know they have to read to the end. I love that factor of this poem.

The second stanza wasn't quite as effective as the first although it did end the poem well I did think it wasn't as simple or nearly as beautiful as the first stanza. But it still completed the poem and again did tell the story in just a few short words. Although I did find it a bit odd that this line

is bringing you closer

it has four words and every other line in the poem only has three. You could try leaving out the 'is' to make it more even.

Overall this was really good and I have decided that I like the shortness of the poem and I think you have written a poem of such a short length so brilliantly. If like how you have taken a risk and still managed to produce a really satisfactory poem that I really enjoyed reading. It might be better if you punctuated this a little more next time but overall this was good. Feel absolutely free to PM me if you would like another review, it would be my pleasure.

From DreamingForever