Like I To You

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Gender Female
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Reviews 9
Listening to your words,
your eyes tearing me down.
My love being the only thing,
to help me drown.
Slowly suffocating;
rearranging,
the ugliness that's always been there.
You made it pretty for awhile,
like it really mattered.
But happiness,
is yet only for the ones who can take it.
You showed me in your voice,
that you were not strong enough for me.
But it's OK, if you leave,
I don't think I ever expected you to stay.
Your smile was like a dream,
that seemed to never fit in my life.
And now I know it was,
when your smile faded.
It's hard to understand,
those who don't want to be understood.
Love is supposed to be stronger than that,
I always thought.
But your words echo,
when will you understand my pain?
Every time those blue eyes whisper,
such nightmares into mine.
I swear I can feel the tainting of my heart to cease,
but I breath, for you.
Still thinking that someday it'll change;
and you'll welcome this pain,
like I to you.
"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."-Bacon
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."-Nietzsche




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Gender Female
Points 890
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I think the rhythm in this was pretty prominent, and so it was awkward when something was off-rhythm...a short line, a long line, ect. I think you should crop down those uneveness places in the beat. I'm sure you can hear it if you read it aloud.
Carpe Diem.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 9
Thank you, I will try to shorten some of the lines.
"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."-Bacon
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."-Nietzsche



I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov