W.A.M. School (Warrior Mage Assasin)

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The thick misty fog distracted my sight, although magic helped it get cleared, I couldn’t deny the fact that I am nervous. My white golden hemmed robe kept on getting ripped, and magically knits in place again. My dark brown long hair fluttered in the wind, as I kept a steady pace in running. Finally, losing enough breath to run, I stopped, before I took off again.
The warriors had lost to the assassins, and I’m not going to let that happen to my team. We’re on the lead here, and no one is going to get us down. My magic aided me in accelerating my speed, and I continued to look for the enemy base. I have to win this thing.

Assassin! A voice rang in my head.

My body tensed suddenly, and then forced magic to appear on my hands. They glowed into a healthy pink; my power signature. Behind me, the bushes shook, revealing a hooded girl dressed in black silk fit clothes. Leaping above me, she launched three darts straight at my chest. Luckily for me, my magic shield was on, and the darts flew to the ground, disintegrating afterwards, not even touching my skin. The girl then took off, and I followed her suit.

Jane, Olivia’s going straight to the base. Get Mikee and his group on guard and follow Olivia as soon as I lead her to our river. I thought, making it definite and clear, hoping they’d follow my directions quickly.

Now, my problem would be leading her to our river. She’s an assassin, and she’s smart. But I have to outsmart her.
Thankful to have my energy still boosted, I gave the hooded girl some ice blasts, my eyes and hands glowing in white to aim and fire. The girl seemed undisturbed and unharmed, as she continued to run through the foggy space with accelerated speed.

I aimed the blasts on her sides, trying to direct her straight towards the river. Luck was on my side, and she did not even try making any other direction but straight, and that is right into my trap.

I was happy for a few seconds, then things went wrong.


“Darla, three seconds!” I suddenly heard her shout, as she turned around and shot three arrows into my direction. I froze the arrows just in time, but only to lose sight of my pursuit.


Three seconds? I suddenly thought, alarmed by what she had said. I glanced below me, and realized what she meant. Seeing that I have no chance to escape, I tried to cast a magic shield around me as fast as I can, not being able to complete it as a loud KABOOM was heard. Black bellowing clouds enveloped me, and my magic wasn’t enough to deflect most of the impact. A sharp pain then caught my head, and I passed out.





I woke up with the scent of sampaguitas still lingering in my nose. I sat down slowly, and carefully scrutinized my surroundings. White. Everything is in white. White painted beds laid in a row in front of me, each paired with white cabinets.
I sought for the door, the only thing I look for when I’m in the room. Seeing there was none, I tried to stand up, but the pain in my leg wouldn’t let me. I slumped back into the bed, audibly. Out of nowhere, a girl in glowing white appeared beside me, and came to my help.

“Do not move unless I tell you to do so.” She said, as she helped me lie on the bed. She tenderly touched my forehead, and closed her eyes.


My insides seemed to move without my permission, acting like they’re performing a self test. Being used to this kind of medical assessment, I relaxed myself, offering the woman much more time and space to detect anything wrong. Seconds later, she got the right spot.

“OUCH! My leg! My knee!” I bellowed, howling in pain.

“Relax!” She said, trying to calm me. Her words brought me to immediate silence, but I felt the pain only worsen.

“Oww. That hurts, that HURTS!” I exclaimed.

The woman went to the other side of the bed to see my aching leg. She touched my left foot and began to massage it. The pain slowly subsided, and I felt at ease again. But still, I didn’t dare too move much in fear that I might feel the pain reoccur.
When the woman saw me relax, she touched my aching knee, and concentrated on it. Again, the muscles there moved, but now, it seems like they’re mending. A sharp pain was felt, followed by a soothing feeling. I became calm again.

“Feeling better?” She asked.

I stared at her. “Yes, a bit. Thank you.”

“A bit? Something’s still wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I just thought, I might feel something again.”

She giggled. “Nah, you’re fine. By the way, your team won the tournament.”

I gasped. Somehow, I had forgotten what had happened. I tried to remember what happened next, after I found myself chasing the girl. But the memory I was looking for was completely locked. My forehead cringed.

“What happened?” I asked innocently.

The woman smiled and rose from the bed. “You know, being a mage means a lot of things.”

I raised my eyebrows. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“Right. I just have a point to make. Because you’re a mage, it gives you advantages, lots of them.”

“And what do you mean?”

She sighed. “I guess it’s yours to learn. Anyway, your team won. That’s all you have to know.”

I gazed at her. I do feel happy that we won, but me, being here still felt embarrassing. Actually, I am the only inhabitant of the room.

“How long have I been out?” I asked.

“You’re quite something. You’ve been here only for an hour.”

I blushed. “Oh, okay. Can I go now?”

“Not unless you had completed your medication. But since you are also a healer, I can let you take care of the rest.”

She snapped her fingers, and then the invisible door appeared.

“Does the infirmary always keep the doors?” I asked her, as I stood up from my bed, feeling energetic as usual.

She laughed. “Yes. It’s to keep the wounded here secure. Some, like you, try to escape this so called “prison”. So, keeping the doors is the only way we can secure them, both inside and out.”

“Oh. I see.” I blushed.

We walked towards the door. As I stepped outside, she called out to me.

“Take care young mage. A lot of trouble will come your way.”

I shrugged. “They’d always tell me that.”

She smiled, but a threatening look was in her eyes. “I am just reminding you. Now, report to your next class. Hand this to your instructor to signify that you were really here, resting.”

I took the envelop she gave to me. It was glowing in the shade of pink, literally. Usually, messages with this kind look is especially important.

“Okay.”

Then the door closed. I now entered into the old scent of the Mage corridors. Old and ancient like. The ground was a little bit dusty, but magic can help it be cleared out. It was pretty dim, but thanks to the extra energy forced by my magic, I can see things a bit more clearly. I passed by a couple of old looking rooms, their doors wooden but amazingly hard. I headed to my next subject, usually after tournaments, which is the medical area.

I waved my finger and willed for a mirror to appear. Pink lines followed it, and then a round glass formed. Letting the mirror float on air, I began to scrutinize my reflection. My hair untied, still looked pretty in its tumbled like position. My robes were still in perfect form, white and golden hemmed. Feeling I missed something, I snapped my fingers and concentrated on rearranging imperfect appearances. There were only few minor problems; such as I smelled forest like and that my robe lacked its glowing pink color. When I had felt better, I stared at the mirror again.

“Still okay I suppose.” I muttered.

I took a deep breath and wished for confidence booster to aid me. When I felt power coursed through out my entire body, I continued to walk, hoping that nothing bad would happen. Stopping right in front of a wooden door which is glowing in blue, I whispered my magic code, and then the door magically opened slowly. I let my magic roam freely around my body, just for good measure. After peeking inside, I entered the room.


All the students inside looked at me. My teacher, the Dark Oracle, motioned me to come forward.

I walked through the aisle and stood straight before him.

"Light, my young mage, where have you been?" he asked.

I bowed low and showed him the glowing envelop.


"Teacher, I stayed in the infirmary to rest from my injuries after the tournament. I apologize for being so late."

"It's alright. Everyone here gets tardy at times. So, from who did this envelop come from?" He asked, as soon as he saw the envelop.


I gave it to him and bent low. "Teacher, this is from the lady at the infirmary."

The students stared at me wide eyed. I heard my classmates gasped. I felt something was up.

Dark Oracle took it, and smiled. "Good, good. Now, go to your seat and listen to me. I have an announcement to make"

I sighed a relief and smiled. "Thank you master."

Then I made my way through the aisle and sat on my seat. My seatmate and close friend, Alexander the Frightful, nodded at me. The others stared at me coldly. Looks like they don't like me for being nice.

"Hey, congratulations. You did a job well done." Alexander whispered to me.

"Why? What did I do?"


He smirked. "You'll see. Look, D.O. Is speaking." (he names our teacher D.O., short for dark oracle.)


"Class, it seems that the second guardian has been chosen." Dark Oracle announced, boring his eyes straight into mine. I don't like what he meant.


"We have been told earlier, that the great Spark Sword from the warriors has been chosen as their representative. Now, we have ours." He smiled at me. Oh no.



"Let's have three magic waves for our own great mage, whom our own blessed goddess appointed, Light Shadow."


Colorful flashes and sparks suddenly ignited in the air, creating a loud happy sound. The colors reflected on the walls, and happily bounced from one person to another. Half of the class were rejoicing, and half of it were groaning. I'm taking on the groaning crowd. Alexander touched my shoulder and pointed at D.O. He was absolutely enjoying himself, creating colorful sparks on his own. I laughed, and so did Alexander. He threw his hands in the air, where blue sparks flashed. I joined in the merrymaking, creating as much flashes as I can, just to let them know I'm also happy. But the happy spirit isn't taking my soul.

"Alexander, is teacher sure about this? I mean, I'm just young! This should be given to the higher ups, like Free Man." I pointed at a groaning girl, looking at me.

Alexander sighed. "Did you meet a woman in glowing white in the infirmary?"

"Yes. Why?"

He became wide eyed. "Then, that's it! You met the mage goddess!"

"Oh yeah, hurrah." I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. I didn't feel happy and I actually felt embarrassed. Imagine, you just met the goddess of worship without even knowing it. Then you acted like a fool in front of her. Embarrassing.


Oh, so you guys know, I did feel happy a bit.


It's because, Spark Sword is my crush.
Last edited by smallittlelegant on Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:20 am, edited 5 times in total.
wrotalistic




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Okay, I've got a lot of wrong grammars. Please help me pick them out. And please make an honest comment. I would really like to know what my rating is. Thank you guys. :D
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The thick misty fog distracted my sight, although magic helped it get become clear again, I couldn’t deny the fact that I am nervous. My white, golden hemmed robe kept on getting ripped, and magically knits in place again. My dark brown long hair fluttered in the wind, as I kept a steadypace in running.running pace. Finally, losing enough breath to run, I stopped to rest, before I took off again.

The warriors had lost to the assassins, and I’m not gonna let that happen to my team. We’re on in the lead here, and no one is going to get us down. My magic aided me in accelerating my speed, and I continued to look for the enemy base. I have to win this thing.

Assassin! A voice rang into through my head.

My body tensed suddenly, and then I forced magic to appear on my hands. They glowed into a healthy pink; my power signature. Behind me, the bushes shook, revealing a hooded girl dressed in black silk fit clothes. Leaping above me, she launched three darts straight into at my chest. Luckily for me, my magic shield was on, and the darts flew to the ground, disintegrating afterwards, not even touching my skin. The girl then Then the girl took off, and I followed her suit.

Jane, Olivia’s going straight to the base. Get Mikee and his group on guard and follow Olivia as soon as I lead her to our river. I thought, making it definite and clear, hoping they’d follow my directions quickly.

Now, my problem would be leading her to our river. She’s an assassin, and she’s smart. But I have to outsmart her. Thankful to have my energy still boosted, I gave the hooded girl some ice blasts, my eyes and hands glowing in white to aim and fire. The girl seemed undisturbed and unharmed, as she continued to run through the foggy space with accelerated speed.

I aimed the blasts on at her sides, trying to direct her straight towards the river. Luck was on my side, and she did not even try making any other direction but straight, and that is right into my trap.

I was happy for a few seconds,when but thenthings went started to go wrong.



“Darla, three seconds!” (??? Is the girl called Darla?) I suddenly heard her shout, as she turned around and shot three arrows into my direction. I froze the arrows just in time, but only to lose sight of my pursuit. prey or "But only to lose sight of her,"


Three seconds? I suddenly thought, alarmed by what she had said. I gazed below me, and realized what that meant. Seeing that I have no chance to escape, I tried to cast a magic shield around me as fast as I can could, not being able to complete it as a loud KABOOM was heard. Black beillowing clouds enveloped me, and my magic wasn’t enough to deflect most of the impact. A sharp pain then caught my head, and passed out.





I woke up with the scent of sampaguitas still lingering in my nose. I sat down slowly, and carefully scrutinized my surroundings. White. Everything is in white. White painted beds laid in a row in front of me, each paired with white cabinets.

I sought looked for the door, the only thing I look for when I’m in the a room. Seeing there was none, I tried to stand up, but the pain in my leg wouldn’t let me. I slumped back into the bed it crashinged loudly. Out of nowhere, a girl in glowing white appeared beside me, and began to help me aided to my help.
“Do not move unless I tell you to do so.” She said, as she helped me lie on the bed. She tenderly touched my forehead, and closed her eyes.



My insides seemed to move without my permission, acting like they’re performing a self test. Being used to these kind of medical assessment, I relaxed myself, offering the woman much more time and space to detect anything wrong. Seconds later, she got the right spot.

“OUCH! My leg! My knee!” I bellowed, howling in pain.

“Relax!” She said, trying to calm me. Her words brought me to immediate silence, but I felt the pain only worsen.

“Oww. That hurts, that HURTS!” I exclaimed.

The woman went to the other side of the bed to see my aching leg. She touched my left foot and began to massage it. The pain slowly subsided, and I felt at ease again. But still, I didn’t dare too move much in fear that I might feel the pain reoccur.

When the woman saw me relax, she touched my aching knee, and concentrated on it. Again, the muscles there moved, but now, it seems like they’re reknitting. A sharp pain was felt, followed by a soothing feeling. I became calm again.

“Feeling better?” She asked.

I stared at her. “Yes, a bit. Thank you.”

“A bit? Something’s still wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I just thought, I might feel something again.”

She giggled. “Nah, you’re fine. By the way, your team won the tournament.”

I gasped. Somehow, I had forgotten what had happened. I tried to remember what happened next, after I found myself chasing the girl. But the memory I was looking for was completely locked. My forehead cringed.

“What happened?” I asked innocently.

The woman smiled and rose from the bed. “You know, being a mage means a lot of things.”

I raised my eyebrows. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“Right. I just have a point to make. Because you’re a mage, it gives you advantages, lots of them.”

“And what do you mean?”

She sighed. “I guess it’s yours to learn. Anyway, your team won. That’s all you have to know.”

I gazed at her. I do feel happy that we won, but me being here still felt embarrassing. Actually, I was the only inhabitant of the room.

“How long have I been out?” I asked.

“You’re quite something. You’ve been here only for an hour.”

I blushed. “Oh, okay. Can I go now?”

“Not unless you had have completed your medication. But since you are also a healer, I can let you take care of the rest.”

She snapped her fingers, and then the invisible door appeared.

“Does the infirmary always keep the doors hidden?” I asked her, as I stood up from my bed, feeling energetic- as usual.

She laughed. “Yes. It’s to keep the wounded here secure. Some, like you, try to escape this so called “prison”. So, keeping the doors hidden is the only way we can secure them, both inside and out.”

“Oh. I see.” I blushed.

We walked towards the door. As I stepped outside, she called out to me.

“Take care young mage. A lot of trouble will come your way.”

I shrugged. “They’d always tell me that.”

She smiled, but a threatening look was in her eyes. “I am just reminding you. Now, report to your next class. Hand this to your instructor to signify that you were really here, resting.”



I took the envelop she gave to me. It was glowing in the shade of pink, literally. Usually, messages with these kind look is especially important.

“Okay.”

Then the door closed. I now entered into the old scent of the Mage corridors. Old and ancient like. The ground was a little bit dusty, but magic can help it be cleared out. It was pretty dim, but thanks to the extra energy forced by my magic, I can see things a bit more clearly. I passed by a couple of old looking rooms, their doors wooden but amazingly hard. I headed to my next subject, usually after tournaments, which is the medical area.

I waved my finger and willed for a mirror to appear. Pink lines followed it, and then a round glass formed. Letting the mirror float on air, I began to scrutinize my reflection. My hair untied, still looked pretty in its tumbled like position. My robes were still in perfect form, white and golden hemmed. Feeling I missed something, I snapped my fingers and concentrated on rearranging imperfect appearances. There were only few minor problems; such as I smelled forest like and that my robe lacked its glowing pink color. When I had felt better, I stared at the mirror again.

“Still okay I suppose.” I muttered.

I took a deep breath and wished for confidence booster to aid me. When I felt power coursed through out my entire body, I continued to walk, hoping that nothing bad would happen. Stopping right in front of a wooden door which was glowing in blue, I whispered my magic code, and the door magically opened slowly. I let my magic roam freely around my body, just for good measure. After peeking inside, I entered the room.



Overall, it was good. It had a few typos and grammatical errors, and there was a nice twist at the end. I think you could change the ending line, or add another on, it ends to boring-ly, it just ends. Snap. Does that make sense? Well Done, keep at it, and remeber to always re-read your work for errors. :)

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Oh, and since it is a Novel, you need to put in the title, Chapter 1.
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The thick misty fog distracted my sight, although magic helped it get cleared, I couldn’t deny the fact that I am nervous.

Ok. You've got 3 ideas in this sentence and 2 of them are linked. Being nervouse can probably go in its own sentence because its a separate idea. I wouldn't use the term "thick misty fog" because it's kind of repeating the same idea with a similar word: a thick mist is a fog. I'd write something like this:

"The thick fog was distracting, even with magic clearing it. I was nervous."

My white golden hemmed robe kept on getting ripped, and magically knits in place again.

The problem here is tense and the word "knits". You might also want to be a little more descriptive, linking the fog with the ripping of the robe. You may also need an extra comma to distinguish between the white robe and its golden hem.I might write something like this:

"My white, golden hemmed, robe was ripped more than once as I stumbled in the gloom, but would magically knit together moments later."

My dark brown long hair fluttered in the wind, as I kept a steady pace in running.

I think people usually put length before colour when describing hair, so that'd be "My long dark brown hair"

Finally, losing enough breath to run, I stopped, before I took off again.

I don't think you need to shift tense here with the word "losing". I would phrase it something like:
"I ran out of breath and was forced to stop, but took off again after a few hurried gulps of air."

I’m not gonna

This is an internal narrative, and slang is generally less common. It isn't wrong to use it, but you might consider switching "gonna" to "going to"

I have to win this thing.

It's hard to tell if this is coming directly from the character (present tense thought) or related through the narratore (past tense decription). If it's a character's thought, like "we're on the lead here" then it should stay the way it is. If it's the narrator reporting the attitude, like "I couldn't deny the fact that I am nervous" then it should be past tense, which would mean that it should be changed to:
"I had to win this thing."

A voice rang into my head.

"in" rather than "into"

dressed in black silk fit clothes

I'm not sure what the word "fit" is doing in this sentence, is it aa description of close fitting clothing?

Leaping above me, she launched three darts straight into my chest.

Why does the assassin leap, other than to be seen as agile? The word "into" gives the impression that the darts hit their target, which is inaccurate given the next sentence. Perhaps replace it with "at".

my magic shield was on

The word "on" makes it sound like a light-switch, which made me smile.

The girl then took off, and I followed her suit.

I'm not sure what the word "suit" means here. Maybe just get rid of it and keep "followed her". If you mean "did the same" then the phrase is "followed suit", but imlies that your character also "took off", but does not specify if that is to follow the Assassin, or to retreat in the opposite direction.The language is still pretty informal, with "took off" rather than "fled" or "retreated". There's nothing wrong with that, just make sure you keep the same tone for the same character or narrator.

Jane, Olivia’s going straight to the base. Get Mikee and his group on guard and follow Olivia as soon as I lead her to our river. I thought, making it definite and clear, hoping they’d follow my directions quickly.

If you're going to use something like telepathy it might be helpful to italicise it like this so that the reader can tell what is an internal thought process, and what is directed at another character.

foggy space with accelerated speed.

I think "fog" reads better than "foggy space". Also, "accelerated speed" makes it sound like something is boosting her speed, such as magic, which wouldn't be the case if she can't use magic.If you're just saying she's fast, use the term "great speed" maybe.
not even try making any other direction but straight, and that is right into my trap.

"making" and "is" don't fit your past tense, they're present tense. Maybe "to take" instead of "making" and put "ahead" after "straight". Replace "is" with "was".

when things went wrong.

"when" should be "then".

to lose sight of my pursuit

Pursuit is the action of chasing, what she loses sight of is the "target" of the pursuit, so use "target" or something like it.

I suddenly thought

You use the word "suddenly" too much, I do too. It doesn't need to be there.

I gazed below me

"gazed" doesn't really fit here, it's not urgent enough. "look" or "glance" should be fine.

fast as I can

can is present tense, you need "could".

not being able to complete it as a loud KABOOM was heard.

tense again. Go for "was unable to complete it". the "as a loud Kaboom was heard" is a little odd, because it shifts the attention from your character to whoever hears it and back again within a sentence. If you want to refer to the loud sound, do it while maintaining the focus on your character, she hear's it, not some unspecified person, which is what "was heard" implies. This might sound a little weird, so I'll clarify if it sounds like nonsense.

A sharp pain then caught my head, and passed out.

She passes out, not her pain, so it should be " and I passed out."

I sat down slowly

If she's just been knocked out by an explosion, she's going to "sat up" rather than "sat down"

I sought for the door

You don't need the word "for" "I sought the door" is enough.

the only thing I look for when I’m in the room

This reads strangely, I don't really get what you mean, is it the first or only thing she looks for, and why?

I slumped back into the bed, crashing loudly

"loudly" seems a bit excessive, it's a bed not a tin can. If you want it to seem painful go with "awkwardly", if you want it to be heard, "audibly' should do fine.

and aided to my help.

"aided me" or "came to my aid". One or t'other.

acting like they’re performing a self test.

She works this out too quickly and it's too precise an idea to use the word "like". Either a self-test is a specific thing healers can make bodies do (and you lose the word "like") or you replace "self test" with something less specific, or even humourous, such as "gymastics" or "circus tricks".

Being used to these kind of medical assessment

"these" should be "this"

I relaxed myself

"myself" is kind of unneccessary, if you refer to the intentional relaxation of muscles I'd go with "I relaxed the tension in my muscles" if you mean a more state-of-mind response, "I relaxed" will do fine.

I bellowed, howling in pain.

putting bellowed and howling next to each other like that reads a little oddly. You could go with "bellowed in pain" or separate the ideas with a full stop.

, I didn’t dare too move

"dare to move"

but now, it seems like they’re reknitting

tense problems again. "seems" should be "seemed". be careful not to use the idea of knitting, especially with prefixes such as "re" too often, a reader might tire of it.

A sharp pain was felt

This is external, you have an internal narrator so it should be "I felt a sharp pain"

I gazed at her

This is a good spot for gaze, she's got the time and the reason to give the kind of slow, examining look that the word implies, rather than a cursory glance.

.
I do feel happy that we won, but me being here still felt embarrassing. Actually, I was the only inhabitant of the room.

I'm not sure how much of this is internal and how much is external. Just keep in mind if she's talking you need speech marks and if she's thinkin it needs to be past tense like the rest of the narration.

“They’d always tell me that.”

This is speech, so it can be in present tense, which means you should use the word "they" instead of "they'd" which is short for "they had".

the envelop she gave to me

I think you mean "envelope" which is a noun, unlike "envelop" which is a verb.

with these kind look is especially important

"this kind of look were" or "this look were". Maintain a past tense for non-dialogue.

I now entered into the old scent of the Mage corridors

"I now" should be "Then I" or "I then". The way you phrase it makes the location she moves into a scent, rather than a corridor, which is certainly an unusual way of phrasing it (though not neccessarily an invalid way of phrasing it, it's an interesting way to place emphasis.)

Old and ancient like

This isn't a sentence on it's own, maybe fold it into another idea or delete it?

can help it be cleared out

Tense again. "helped to clear it out".

I can see things a bit more clearly

"I could see things a bit more clearly"

their doors wooden but amazingly hard

how can she tell they're hard just by looking? Maybe "imposing" or "resilient".

Pink lines followed it, and then a round glass formed.

"it" is the finger, but a reader has to work a little too hard to work that out because it's in another sentence, maybe go with "Pink lines followed my finger as the round glass formed" to keep it as a single idea, and to reintroduce the finger, rathe rthan rely on another sentence's subject.

Feeling I missed something, I snapped my fingers and concentrated on rearranging imperfect appearances

Tense again. "I felt as though I was missing something. I snapped my fingerers and concentrated on rearranging imperfect aspects of my appearance."

Your biggest problems are tense and the use of punctuation.
Keep the same tense when the narrator is reporting something directly, usually this is the past tense. When characters speak, they often use the present tense, but this is still consistent with a past-tense narration.
Your problems with punctuation seem to stem from having difficulty with basic rules of constructing sentences (which is fine, I have the same problem). It's a little late where I'm at and I've been doing this review for a while, so suffice is to say that sentences need coherent tense, a subject, object and an action. The internet or your teachers can provide resources to help you with this, and it isn't dumb to ask, I wish I had earlier.

I hope this was helpful. PM me if you have any questions regarding this critique.
So you're going to kill a god. Sure. But what happens next?

Diary of a Deicide, Part One.


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I suddenly thought

You seem to use suddenly alot in here, but alot of people use words reapeatedly, even I do!


I can see things a bit more clearly


Change can to could

A voice rang into my head.


Change into to in


Other than those (what I found) it is very interesting hope to see more :)
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