Nameless- Prologue

Spoiler

I have already posted the first two parts and my wonderful reviewers have mentioned that the plot and the working of the beginning can be hard to understand. Personally I like the reader to find out about character themselves but I think a prologue would really help. Please tell me how you feel about this. It was written quickly so it is not perfect. I want to know If I should scrap it or keep it. Thanks!

A candle flickered, fluttering under the night breeze. They sat together, sisters, the transcending sisterhood in all its glory. A tawny owl stood perched by the open window, large bulbous gems glistening, the scene reflected in its amber eyes. A table set in the middle of a cavernous hall, majestically carved and embossed with runes. A leg of the rich red wood grew into the floor, it’s powerful roots growing underneath the castle.

They sat on tall mahogany chairs by the living table, their faces stoic, cold. They where identical in every way; same dark hair, same black soulless eyes, plain ageless faces. Each dressed in tight silver silk gowns that clung to each curve like scared children to a mother. There was a dark beauty about those grey faces, something old and wise about thoughts frowned brows and pale unsmiling lips.

"Time approaches," said a voice quite from Ere, the first sister her eyes like an endless abyss.
"The boy approaches," muttered Twa, the second sister, her long black hair coiled up in a strange bun. The other sisters turned to face her, their faces impassive but their hearts beating.
"Yes, his father has received intelligence on Valia and her coming of age. He will do anything to obtain her," said Fif the third sister, her hands stroking the silver chain which hung on her long neck.
"But not about Nameless."
"No, the elders forbid that he shall ever find out but, never-the-less his son approaches. He will recieve his orders tonight and he will succeed."
"Impossible! Never! What are we to do if he takes our Valia from us! Are we to bow down to that human scum!"
“I have foreseen it, so it is so. He wishes to view the prophesy, he wishes to obtain her limitless power,"
“He will send his son to take our Valia, use her against us but he does not know of our Nameless, not yet."
"What about his mistress? The boy's dark elf mother, Lady Aslan knows about Nameless. There is no doubt that she will do all she can to obtain her."
"Why not let her. Let her wreak havoc on those vile humans scum, rid the earth of their disposable race."
"And let the child, our own niece, die?"
"One life for a million, it is a fair price. She should have never been born, our cycle, the cycle of the sisterhood broken by her. We must remain impartial to the child; we have grown too fond of her."
"What about the boy? His mother and father underestimate him."
“Kill him and we could end it all,"
"The war is unavoidable, we have all foreseen it. No matter what we do, no matter who dies or who lives, we cannot avoid it"
"What are we to do?"
"We are to do nothing."

The sisters stayed silent, their minds connected in intense thought. Do nothing? Where they to leave the destiny of their world to a pair of hatch-lings?

I saw a couple of grammatical errors but I like to review more on the story itself. It was amazing. I love the characters and the story, even though I don't know much about it. It was just enough to make me want more. I think you should expand this because you have a really good setting. and I'm about to lose my writer sense but.... girl you got skillz! I love this. Your talent is undeniable.

Hello.

The first thing that struck me was the purple prose and generally neon descriptions, which made it rather difficult for me to get past paragraph one. For example, this phrase:

A tawny owl stood perched by the open window, large bulbous gems glistening, the scene reflected in its amber eyes.

I find it nearly incomprehensible because of how ultraviolet the purple prose is. Namely, "large bulbous gems glistening". The best I can think of is that "gems" is just an attempt at not repeating "eyes." It falls flat because readers aren't likely to understand what you're saying. Avoiding repetition is pointless if it leads to prose that's near impossible to understand.

A minor thing is that owl never shows up again. It's one of the only solid pieces of description you have, yet he never moves during the conversation.

Finally, "transcending sisterhood in all its glory"... what does that mean? That is your second phrase, and you're displaying such an ephemeral concept that readers may or may not be able to grasp it. It's grounded in certain respects, but in others its not. If you want the best chance at capturing attention, I'd only present solid concepts at the start of the story.

On a related note, all of your descriptions of the actual place they're sitting in don't really give me a feel for the place. I'd like some clues of the lighting, the temperature, an air of magic or an air of nothingness. You're close to capturing the full setting but you're missing just a handful of elements that would make the scene come to life.

Second thing. I can see why you didn't put any tags in the later dialogue, but it left me wondering what was going on. Everything just vanished, and it was just three nameless voices. Whether or not you want this is up to you.

The dialogue itself feels a bit stilted, like it's trying too hard to be cryptic without really having a reason to be. I'd look at the dialogue and give the sisters a voice. Don't just make them mouthpieces to provide a prologue; make them part of the story. Figure out what they would actually say if the "cameras" of the story weren't watching. Would they speak like this? If the answer is "no", rework the dialogue.

Overall, this was decent. The premise is strong, but I find your descriptions are too flowery (for the sake of being flowery, it seems) and your dialogue a bit too stilted and cryptic for me to really be captivated. It didn't feel like anything was truly important, and since there's zero emotional involvement and explanation as to what these things are, I find this prologue is easily skipable. You could potentially fix that, but that's up to you.

PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey