Her Personal Hell Chapter 1

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Prologue
Lightning struck the west wind fire and i could not tame myself enough to step out into it. I watched the building were my former home had once lied transform into a puddle of ash. My family had'nt lived in the household for many years but it seemed that the place had never been so alive. The glass on the window shattered and it seemed as if the spirits in hell were screaming to find a relief. Despair struck over me and my mind considered burning in the hot flames with my past. I sat in the street waiting for every single bit of the house to disapear. I wondered if that is how hell appeared. The door were many people used to walk in and out of had vanished. Windows that i would spy on cars passing through were far from transparent anymore. Grass that i would watch my father cut had gone from a stunning green to a dull brownish-black. I watched as the last flame went out from the front porch, and as the last bit of the wood from it burnt away, my heart was shattered. There was nothing more i could do at that moment but to walk. I walked for two days straight to get to the place i'd been hoping to find.

Chapter One
I found myself on the most southern tip of california's town square. Lights lit up the town, many people were found roaming the streets just looking to have a good time with whom ever may have escorted them . Glitter flew across the streets and billboards filled of nothing but the most glamorous people alive with inspirational quotes were all i saw for miles and miles. I looked around for a place that i could relax and find a little piece of mind from the previous events with the fire.
That's when i spotted it. The hugeness and illusion of asylum is what caught my eye most about it. I needed a place to go to relax my thoughts and notify my family. As i reached for the doorknob i noticed one thing very odd about the way it was shaped, It gave a beautifully crafted glow about the place. It was made of gold and was in the shape of an elaphant. I walked in the door to notice how dim the lighting in the place was. There were many shelves of everything you could imagine, From flavors of spices to use in foods, To glamorous night dresses and ballgowns. As i walked through the superstore, i noticed very strange looking women. They looked almost as if they were sent from the devil himself but somehow the most beautiful demons from the underworld. It was almost like they were perfect and too good to be from this universe. One of them had long blonde hair that fell to her waist in giant curls. She was pale with rich red lips that looked as if they were carved from an angel. Her thinness was a little disturbing, but the outfit on her body was what did it all. It started in a red corset that tied up her back but was suddenly cut off by a ruffled skirt that was no other color but satan's deepest black. Her boots ran up to her thighs as if they served for her pantyhose. She must have noticed my staring because she quickly looked back at me with blue eyes that seemed as if they were once a part of the sky .
" Hello, Sweetie. Is everything alright? You look a little lost."
I could'nt look into her eyes without blushing at her southern accent and hospitality.
" I... i suppose. I had a rough day and was looking for a place to sleep for the night . I live a little more north of this place, and i attended highschool in my hometown as a senior. My house burned down and i need to notify my family, They live in Nevada. Can you please help me?" I don't know what happened, but suddenly i trusted this girl . Although she did look like a prostitute or dancer of some sort, She was beautiful and sweet. As a 18 year old girl who lived in a small town, I could'nt find a reason not too trust her. I had'nt seen anything like her, or even been in a city for that matter. She looked at me with a hint of confusion but had a pleasant look on her face. Her angelic, feminine lips uplifted in a crooked smile, and suddenly, i regreted telling her all that i had.
"Your looking a bit dirty. This is no place to come looking for safety, In fact this may be the most unsafest place on earth. The only reason i spoke to you is because you looked young and lonely. When i came to this.... Place i looked alot like you. But since your in , you won't be getting out. Its not that your not allowed too, You will not want too. You've entered glamour world.. Follow me."
Outside of Asia's India, It looks like your typical city. Many lights , Appartments, Condo's , Strip Clubs, Party Places. When i walked into the large consignment store i found it to be a good place to get things sorted out . I followed the blonde girl to a giant bookshelf. I was a little confused on why she took me here. She reached up too the highest shelf and tapped her chin a few times as if she was searching for a book that depended on her graduating highschool or not. She flipped her curly blonde hair and stomped the five inch heel of her boots.
"Now i know i set it on the 15th shelf high, third book left. One of those clowns must have moved it . Dang nitwits !" Anger flew across her face. She walked over to the wall were she found a wallphone and dialed someone's number. Her voice suddenly fell flat and she stood up straight, then cleared her throat.
" Mrs. Pelina! How grateful it is to speak with you ... Yes. Yes mam. Anywho, I'm trying to get out into the street. I have a visitor with me and she's homeless..."
There was a long pause and her face was as blank as ever.
"Mrs. Pelina, Its ChistaBella. I cannot find the book. Will you please come open the door for me? I'm just trying to get home." She looked down at me, and hung up the phone.
"You feeling any better dear?" She asked , pulling out her accent again.
"Just a little nervous.. I'm also very scared. Can you explain where we are going?" I was shaking, and not sure i wanted to hear her reply.
"HA!" She shouted. "Scared! There is nothing to be scared of ! you make me laugh... I'm taking you to Willing Hamilton Street. Nobody outside of Asia's India knows this place ever exsists.. And trust me its for the best of them. If i do ever let you out of my sight and your able to escape, If you tell anyone of this place you will face a death penalty."
I shuddered, and just nodded my head. She still released little information, And my brain was still spinning from the fire. At that point i really did'nt care how crazy things were about to get. I just wanted a nice bed to sleep in and a phone to call my family. Maybe i could escape this place and go live back home. As soon as i turned eighteen, I moved to central California to finish highschool. I wanted to find a good college here and a new life. My parents let me go easily, and i moved in with my friend, Ansley. Ansley moved out of the house and ran away with some guy to get married. I stayed in the house to graduate, and two months before graduation, my house burned down and i found myself standing with some demonic girl at a bookshelf waiting for some magical door to open.
Then, ChistaBella smiled another crooked smile and pointed to her left. Her finger lead me to a purple curtain in which she lifted up to find a very ordinary door. Nothing magical was there, but an old, wooden door. She giggled, And pulled out a card. Then, She slid the card through the little slit in the door. Before it opened, she explained a few things to me before i entered this new hell.
" I normally just slid my card through a book and the door opens, but someone moved it. Anyway, theres a few rules. Nobody finds out about this place, or you die, and whoever you told will also. Don't judge anyone in here or you'll get severely injured. Got it? " I nodded, about to burst into tears. All she did was laugh.
" I thought you might say that." As the door slowly creeked open, The world i knew behind me slowly vanished, and life as i knew it would forever change.




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Casidyliddell wrote:Prologue
Lightning struck the west wind fire and I could not tame myself enough to step out into it. I watched the building where my former home had once lay? lain? I know it's not lied transform into a puddle of ash. My family
hadn't lived in the household for many years but it seemed that the place had never been so alive. The glass on the window shattered and it seemed as if the spirits in hell were screaming in relief. Despair struck over me and my mind considered burning in the hot flames with my past. I sat in the street waiting for every single bit of the house to disappear. I wondered if that is how hell appeared. The door where many people used to walk in and out of had vanished. Windows that I would spy on cars passing through were far from transparent anymore. Grass that I would watch my father cut had gone from a stunning green to a dull brownish-black. I watched as the last flame went out from the front porch, and as the last bit of the wood from it burnt away, my heart was shattered. There was nothing more I could do at that moment but to walk. I walked for two days straight to get to the place I'd been hoping to find.

Chapter One
I found myself on the most southern tip of California's town square(Not really sure what you mean by this; do you mean a town in Southern California? Just say something like Huntington Beach, main street.) Lights lit up the town, many people were found roaming the streets just looking to have a good time with whoever may have escorted them. Glitter flew across the streets and billboards filled of nothing but the most glamorous people alive with inspirational quotes were all I saw for miles and miles. I looked around for a place that I could relax and find a little piece of mind from the previous events with the fire.
That's when i spotted it. The hugeness and illusion of asylum is what caught my eye most about it. I needed a place to go to relax my thoughts and notify my family. As i reached for the doorknob i noticed one thing very odd about the way it was shaped, It gave a beautifully crafted glow about the place. It was made of gold and was in the shape of an
elephant. I walked in the door to notice how dim the lighting in the place was. There were many shelves of everything you could imagine, from flavors of spices to use in foods to glamorous night dresses and ballgowns. As i walked through the superstore, i noticed very strange looking women. They looked almost as if they were sent from the devil himself but somehow the most beautiful demons from the underworld. It was almost like they were perfect and too good to be from this universe. One of them had long blonde hair that fell to her waist in giant curls. She was pale with rich red lips that looked as if they were carved from an angel. Her thinness was a little disturbing, but the outfit on her body was what did it all. It started in a red corset that tied up her back but was suddenly cut off by a ruffled skirt that was no other color but satan's deepest black. Her boots ran up to her thighs as if they served for her pantyhose. She must have noticed my staring because she quickly looked back at me with blue eyes that seemed as if they were once a part of the sky .
" Hello, Sweetie. Is everything alright? You look a little lost."
I could'nt look into her eyes without blushing at her southern accent and hospitality.
" I... i suppose. I had a rough day and was looking for a place to sleep for the night . I live a little more north of this place, and i attended highschool in my hometown as a senior. My house burned down and i need to notify my family, They live in Nevada. Can you please help me?" I don't know what happened, but suddenly i trusted this girl . Although she did look like a prostitute or dancer of some sort, She was beautiful and sweet. As a 18 year old girl who lived in a small town, I could'nt find a reason not too trust her. I had'nt seen anything like her, or even been in a city for that matter. She looked at me with a hint of confusion but had a pleasant look on her face. Her angelic, feminine lips uplifted in a crooked smile, and suddenly, i regreted telling her all that i had.
"Your looking a bit dirty. This is no place to come looking for safety, In fact this may be the most unsafest place on earth. The only reason i spoke to you is because you looked young and lonely. When i came to this.... place i looked alot like you. But since you're in , you won't be getting out. Its not that you're not allowed too, you will not want too. You've entered glamour world.. Follow me."
Outside of Asia's India, It looks like your typical city. Many lights , apartments, condos , strip clubs, party places. When i walked into the large consignment store i found it to be a good place to get things sorted out . I followed the blonde girl to a giant bookshelf. I was a little confused on why she took me here. She reached up too the highest shelf and tapped her chin a few times as if she was searching for a book that depended on her graduating high school or not(I don't really like this simile.) She flipped her curly blonde hair and stomped the five inch heel of her boots.
"Now i know i set it on the 15th shelf high, third book left. One of those clowns must have moved it . Dang nitwits !" Anger flew across her face. She walked over to the wall were she found a wallphone and dialed someone's number. Her voice suddenly fell flat and she stood up straight, then cleared her throat.
" Mrs. Pelina! How grateful it is to speak with you ... Yes. Yes ma'm. Anywho, I'm trying to get out into the street. I have a visitor with me and she's homeless..."
There was a long pause and her face was as blank as ever.
"Mrs. Pelina, Its ChistaBella. I cannot find the book. Will you please come open the door for me? I'm just trying to get home." She looked down at me, and hung up the phone.
"You feeling any better dear?" She asked , pulling out her accent again.
"Just a little nervous.. I'm also very scared. Can you explain where we are going?" I was shaking, and not sure i wanted to hear her reply.
"HA!" She shouted. "Scared! There is nothing to be scared of ! You make me laugh... I'm taking you to Willing Hamilton Street. Nobody outside of Asia's India knows this place ever exsists.. And trust me its for the best of them. If i do ever let you out of my sight and your able to escape, If you tell anyone of this place you will face a death penalty."
I shuddered, and just nodded my head. She still released little information, And my brain was still spinning from the fire. At that point i really did'nt care how crazy things were about to get. I just wanted a nice bed to sleep in and a phone to call my family. Maybe i could escape this place and go live back home. As soon as i turned eighteen, I moved to central California to finish high school. I wanted to find a good college here and a new life. My parents let me go easily, and i moved in with my friend, Ansley. Ansley moved out of the house and ran away with some guy to get married. I stayed in the house to graduate, and two months before graduation, my house burned down and i found myself standing with some demonic girl at a bookshelf waiting for some magical door to open.
Then, ChistaBella smiled another crooked smile and pointed to her left. Her finger lead me to a purple curtain in which she lifted up to find a very ordinary door. Nothing magical was there, but an old, wooden door. She giggled, And pulled out a card. Then, She slid the card through the little slit in the door. Before it opened, she explained a few things to me before i entered this new hell.
" I normally just slid my card through a book and the door opens, but someone moved it. Anyway, theres a few rules. Nobody finds out about this place, or you die,and whoever you told will also as will whoever told you. Don't judge anyone in here or you'll get severely injured. Got it? " I nodded, about to burst into tears. All she did was laugh.
"I thought you might say that." As the door slowly creeked open, The world i knew behind me slowly vanished, and life as i knew it would forever change.

Okay, so this passage was rife with spelling and punctuation errors. The story itself was pretty nice, but it was a little hard to read because of all of the problems. I kind of think this is lazy editing more than anything-- I'm sure you're capable of writing correctly. So try to clean up your grammar and writing errors before you post. I understand it's hard sometimes, we all have goofs, but you really need to scour this. Some of these can even be fixed with spellcheck.

Also I gave up on them halfway through because they were so numerous IN THE NAME OF THOR AND ALL THE SAINTS CAPITALIZE YOUR I'S PLEASE. Sorry about that but it needed to be said.
Besides that, I definitely think you should keep writing. You are only going to get better.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
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I agree with empresssofttheuniverse. I did however, like the discription and the plot. I need to know more though. I need even more discription hidden in the writing. It was a good job though. you should work on things like didn't and should've. I would love to see more though! This story is really cool! Keep writing! :)
Like a dragon, I'll spread my wings and fly. Fly far away from this hatred planet and fly somewhere deep, where I shall be alone. My imagination is paradise.



Well, the only way to start is by starting
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