Watercolor Skies

This is an older piece of mine from English class a few months ago. Hope you like it!


She remembered the days sitting under watercolor skies fondly,
Soft pastels painted on God’s easel above them,
She remembered the way their hands fit together like pieces of a puzzle,
The unspoken words that passed between them,
And oh, how perfect it all was, him and those watercolor skies,
And oh how terrible it all felt when those skies turned black,
When he received that letter,
That awful, appalling, atrocious letter,
She remembered the day they came to steal him away under old newspaper skies,
Dull, gray, and lackluster, obscuring the sun behind paper- thin clouds,
She remembered the way she sobbed into his chest, her tears begging him not to go,
The puffy eyes and broken words that spilled from her lips,
He promised write to her every day,
And tell her of the skies across the sea,
And in return, she promised to wait,
Until he and the watercolor skies returned,
Weeks passed, and she waited for him under fragile ceramic skies,
Then the first letter came,
He spoke of the heavy lead skies that rained down fire,
And the gruesome bloody skies, dripping with the tears of the fallen,
Although, he told her, I have seen so many across the dividing sea,
I will never forget that of our divine watercolor skies,
Another month passed, and still she waited,
Until a flag-draped box came from overseas,
With red eyes and wet cheeks, she looked to the above,
And those soft pastels spread across God’s easel,
From that day on, she watched him paint
The watercolor skies

Really nice poem, enjoyed it at lot. It's about two lovers and one of them gets called to join up in a war, right? I loved your metaphors, of the newspaper skies, the watercolour skies... really gave an impression of how she felt at the time, as well as the description of the letter her boyfriend/husband sent.
A few critiques:

GummyWorm wrote:And oh how terrible it all felt when those skies turned black,
When he received that letter,
That awful, appalling, atrocious letter,

This part, when he receives the letter to go to war, seems a little too... disjointed from the rest of the poem, too sudden. Try and find a way to add it into the beautiful metaphors you had earlier, perhaps saying something like paper and ink ruined it? It seems a little blunt to just say 'letter'.
Also, and this might be a little personal, I didn't like the way you simply stated the amount of time that passed (weeks, a month). It might be better to add a few lines at how the girl felt - did she listlessly wander around, thinking about her boyfriend until, finally, the letter came? And her hope of another letter shattered whenever she discovered the coffin was being sent back?
This might be my more novelist thoughts kicking in, but I thought I might mention it.
(By the way, I really love that 'flag draped box' phrase, nicely thought out. However that would only happen if it was modern day wars. Back in the days of WW1/WW2, the bodies were either thrown into mass graves or buried in a nearby graveyard. If a new one wasn't already built.)
Finally, for punctuation, there isn't a single full stop in this poem. There are commas in there which should be treated like full stops, which should be fixed.

All in all, I understood what it was about, and enjoyed it a lot.

I have no particular criticism here, aside from what Balaczter said about the punctuation. And honestly, the part about the box confused me until I read the above critique, so that's out of the way also. I adore your use of the sky here, how it plays such a large part in telling us her moods and how "From that day on, she watched him paint
The watercolor skies" (which I'm assuming meant that she sensed him watching over her from Heaven?). This poem was touching and could easily be one of my favorites.

Beautiful imagery and a wonderful message. You did a truly great job with this one, and I it's my favourite today. One thing I would change is the fact that it's all one stanza. If you broke it up, it could help the reader, considering that the lines are very long themselves; however, on that same point, I think it works with the poem, as it feels like one train of thought, or memories. Again, your decision as the poet, but otherwise, I think it's brilliant.

This is so beautiful... I love the story that you've told and the imagery in this poem! I don't know what else to say other than WOW, this really was such a lovely, beautiful poem to read - thank you! Keep writing. xxx