The Way You Say My Name.

Outside my window it rained,
While inside my heart it pained.
A tear trickled down my cheek
And I found it hard to believe
That I’m feeling this way for you,
That all these tears could be true.
After all my harshness you had to bear,
Now it’s me who is weeping out here.
Never a word did you say to hurt me.
All you asked from me was to let it be.
Maybe I feared love, maybe I took you for granted.
To get you out of my heart and mind was all I wanted.
Now I just hope that it’s not too late
For me to go up to you and say
That I still love the way
You say my name.

Hi, Anwesha!

It's been a while since I reviewed poetry... I feel like I'm getting rusty.

Outside my window it rained,
While inside my heart it pained.

I don't think "pain" is a verb, so that makes this sound a little odd. Of course, poets are allowed to reinvent rules of grammar (e.e.cummings anyone?) but it should probably be done without disturbing the reader too much, if you know what I mean.

After all my harshness you had to bear,
Now it's me who is weeping out here.

Seeing as you seem to use a specific rhyme scheme in this poem, I should point out that "bear" and "here" don't rhyme. You probably know this yourself too, though, so maybe you'll find a way to reword this so that the rhyme will be clearer.

Maybe I feared love, maybe I took you for granted.
To get you out of my heart and mind was all I wanted.

Same with granted and wanted - at least in my pronunciation they don't rhyme. I pronounce the A in "granted" kind of like in "hat", only longer - and "wan" in "wanted" I pronounce like "won".

Now I just hope that it's not too late
For me to go up to you and say
That I still love the way
You say my name.

I really like this ending part. It fit very well with the overall rhyme and rhythm and kind of flowed off my tongue as I read it.


There's really nothing "wrong" with this poem. The rhythm you have here sounds good, and the rhyming was decent in most parts as well. Now that you seem to handle these two aspects quite well, the next step could be introducing some imagery in your writing! You know, metaphors and similes etc. Imagery is what really makes two poems different: everyone knows how to write simple sentences about a loved one, for example, but no two poets use imagery in exactly the same way. It will bring depth, originality, and uniqueness to your writing, which in turn will make your poems less forgettable to the readers. It's also fun to come up with new ways to describe something that is pretty well known to the world already!

Just something to think about


Demeter
x

Poetry is a great way to express how you feel and I think you did exactly that in this poem! This poem might have a few errors but if people wanted to take a closer look at it they'd see that the errors could be a representation of how things went wrong, it could be a way to emphasize that you have made mistakes before and that's why you're doing that in this poem... anyways, haha that's only if people REALLY wanted to take a closer look at it Keep writing!
xxx

Your peom is beautiful.

Now I just hope that it’s not too late
For me to go up to you and say
That I still love the way
You say my name.

Those lines give it everything. Keep it up!

This is a really sweet and beautiful poem and I love your rhymes and the way you built up this text! I just had a problem with the first two lines;

"Outside my window it rained,
While inside my heart it pained." - You say.... it rained outside... and then you say, WHILE inside my heart it pained. When you say while I kind of expects there to be a contrast like.. "outside my widow it rained, while my insides are dry" but the rain outside doesn't have anything to do with the pain inside you does it? Or if it does, you should make that more clear Also, agreeing with Dems here... there's no such word as "pained" is there?

I love, love, love the ending though! You give us hope that it might still be a chance for a happy ending and that just make this story soo much better than it woukld've been without it

I give you 3½/5 spiders Hope I could be of help

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hi Anwesha!!!! your poetry, I must say, is very good!!!!!!!
It gives me a feeling , and creates a picture of a girl sitting in front of window, with rain falling down, and thinking about her faults and things she had done in her life. This creates a really nice picture in my mind, and that is a very rare talent out there, and know what? It was very good, after all, and no critiques, it is very nice!!
keep writing!! good lucK!! Great talent out there, describing a girl's heart with broken heart!
bye!!! cheers!!!!!