Young Writers Society

I constantly think back to our middle school times,
the moments we spent saying hi and "high-fiving" touched my heart.

Look at us now babe, we are together.
My dream has come true.

The numeric pattern runs through my head, along with your name.
7...22...11...Jasper Skye...

For that was the date of us truly, love was in the air.
12 o'clock sharp. A memorable time it truly is.

I love you more than anything is this world.
More than anything, or anyone could love.

I thought us would only be a fantasy,
Thank you baby... <3

Love yours truly,
Anthony James <3

I think this is good. You've used some good imagery, although I find the point of the poem a bit to clear for my likings, although thats only my oppinion.

I just noticed, in the second line the word hi should be written like: "Hi" as it is a quote of what you said. xx

This is a cute poem, if a little heavy on the cheese, but no worries! I like cheese! It's very simplistic and straight forward and I like that.

I thought us would only be a fantasy,

That was my favorite line, I thought it was very sweet and honest. There is nothing better than an honest poet =). There was one line that I thought was just a little bit of overkill though.

7...22...11...Jasper Skye...

That just seemed redundant, even though it did clear up what the numeric pattern is, it revealed how new the relationship and gives the poem a little bit of superficial-ness.

Aww... That's such a sweet poem! I love it! One correction:

I constantly think back to our middle school times,
the moments we spent saying "Hi"and "high-fiving" touched my heart.

Just change that to a captal 'H'. Also, I don't know what the numbers mean, but I guess that doesn't really matter since you two probably do. So, nevermind. Really cute!

Thank you

Anthony, this is your girlfriend commenting on your poem x) Hahaha...Thank you, my dear. I really liked it.

I love you more than anything is this world. The is should be in. Just thought I would point that out since no one else seemed to notice... Anyway, it was a cute poem. Although I agree with KindredSpiritBee, I'm not sure if I liked the numbers. It was a date right? Not a locker combination or something? I would have liked a little more detail and imagery, but it was good, and very sweet and sappy. Which is a good thing, at least in my mind.

Noo. It was the date of which we started our relationship. So, its fresh. And I spotted that is shouldve been in at first. But thank you Only her and I get true meaning behind it (x

I thought it was really cute but it's the numbers that got me.. But still, I liked it. I thought it was really cute.. but very sappy. Anyway, I thought it was a cute little thing but you could even (maybe) add more imagery of her? Maybe explain something. Why you love her so much? I don't know, I think that it would bring some more unique qualities to the poem itself.
Either way I really liked it and thought it was cute. Congratulations.
Ps. If you need any more critiquing anything or anything else just message me or something!
Keep writing this was cute!
-Hayley